Website: okcupid.com

[Andy]

The idea that a man and a woman going out somewhere together would split the bill is absolutely horrifying. You should man up! When you're out with your buddies, you don't divvy up the bill. One of you buys one round, and the other buys the next, right? Or you go to lunch with a friend and you say "Hey, I got this one, you can get it next time." None of this splitting the check shit. We're adult enough to not nickel and dime and say "Hey, man, lunch was $22 today, but when you paid it was $19!"

That's why you never split the bill when you're out with a woman. As adults you can easily take turns. "Hey, you got dinner, I'll get the movie." Hooray for being equals.

[Marsupialized]

If you read the first thirty thousand or so posts by Marsup you might realise there's a continuity of sorts to his perspective which might not be entirely serious.

Yes, yes, anything you agree with that I say is awesome and spot on, anything you disagree with I am obviously completely joking about. That goes for everyone here.

Also, isn't it just a tad offensive that as a male, you feel the need to step in and explain to tania, a grown adult woman, what she needs to know about me and what I say and think?
She is not capable of making a decision about whether or not I am a jerkface on her own, without you guiding her?

[Ptommydski]

Tania will make up her mind regardless of what I say or do, I wasn't addressing her specifically (my post was written long before hers, I just dallied on submitting it). The thread has been full of other people challenging your position. I don't mind what you think because it's invariably amusing so it doesn't personally bother me whether I agree or not.

[Luzwei]

If you read the first thirty thousand or so posts by Marsup you might realise there's a continuity of sorts to his perspective which might not be entirely serious.

Yes, yes, anything you agree with that I say is awesome and spot on, anything you disagree with I am obviously completely joking about. That goes for everyone here.

Also, isn't it just a tad offensive that as a male, you feel the need to step in and explain to tania, a grown adult woman, what she needs to know about me and what I say and think?
She is not capable of making a decision about whether or not I am a jerkface on her own, without you guiding her?

you're just a tad too hard on timmy. he's just trying to fit in.

[Marsupialized]

Ah well, as long as I amuse someone with my whimsical little scribblings, all is fine and good.

[Ptommydski]

[noise&light]

I want to second everything that Tania has said here. It all closely reflects my own experience and seems pretty no nonsense; relaxed. Maybe you guys should stop beating your chests over this and consider that this woman's perspective is valuable.

And please take a moment to stop congratulating yourselves on your manly generosity or amazing egalitarian relationships. Do you understand that each situation is particular to every couple? That means you don't get to make the rules for everybody else no matter how strongly you feel about it. If one person wants to pay all the time and the other gets to be treated, that's a situation that works for one hypothetical couple. And if people wants to split everything down the middle, or trade off paying, it's pretty much up to each individual couple. It's another form of compatibility. And if it works for two people then it's really none of your business.

Forcing your own relationship perspective on other people is lame.

[tania]

to clarify, marsup is one of the funniest people i've ever met and i have no problem with him whatsoever. i was responding in earnest to others' posts rather than joking around because i found it a bit surreal and funny that 7+ pages of discussion on the subject of when men should and shouldn't pay for a woman in a dating situation yielded tons of debate and name-calling and bickering on behalf of the dudes here but not a single female opinion and so i wanted to offer an honest one. but really, i do have a sense of humour, nobody needs to explain to me how things work here, i'm not offended, i like everyone here just fine, everything's fine, we're all good. sorry for the confusion

[AnthonyCinder]

Do you understand that each situation is particular to every couple? That means you don't get to make the rules for everybody else no matter how strongly you feel about it.

Forcing your own relationship perspective on other people is lame.

This.

[El Protoolio]

...there have been occasions where i've let guys take me out on dates and pay for them. i don't see this as an example of commodifying sex and women, i just see it as an example of a person who likes another person wanting to make that person happy, and a super easy way to make a person happy is to show that person a nice time where they can do stuff they like and not have to worry about the finances involved. just about anyone, regardless of gender, enjoys that. if you're going to ask someone out on a date, paying for them is totally inoffensive and a really nice thing to do, it'll make them comfortable and happy...

This.

[Luzwei]

Do you understand that each situation is particular to every couple? That means you don't get to make the rules for everybody else no matter how strongly you feel about it.

Forcing your own relationship perspective on other people is lame.

This.

I have a problem with this. Nobody's forcing anything on anyone. If someone has a different perspective than yours is, it's far fetched to say that anyone is forcing anything on anyone. We might agree or agree to disagree, but no one is forcing anything. In the heat of discussion, name calling might appear as we're all strong opinionated and with all respect we carry it on our shoulders or something like it's said, but I can't say that Marsup as much as cavemanish his opinions are, are being forced on me.

[Ptommydski]

Personally I just tend to offer to pay for things regardless of the company and then they will say okay or no, whereupon I take the path of least resistance. It doesn't matter if they are male or female.

I have to say though, I've never once gone out to dinner with no money. Not even once. So maybe that says something about how I regard the potential situation of such an occurrence. I'd be uncomfortable with anyone paying for something for me but that relates to psychological idiosyncrasies I possess rather than my attitude towards gender roles.

[Luzwei]

?

[El Protoolio]

Sorry if I was so domineering during this discussion everyone. It's not always easy to be so subtle when you're the Alpha.

[brisket]

As a man, which would you value more highly - a free dinner from a tedious woman with nothing to say, or a six-pack in the park with a babe who does interesting things with her time and is full of energy for walking and sex and general adventures? Why would you expect a woman's judgment about these things to be so different to your own?

Any woman who has spent time with me knows that it is not possible for me to pay for an expensive dinner, but they exercise their right to choose and decide that maybe time spent with me is worth more than the expensive dinner and awkward conversation they could theoretically get from a 'gentleman'.
I choose to work less, so I don't come home exhausted five nights a week, too tired for anything but TV. I have time for reading and thinking and being in a hip band and going to gigs and free cultural shit etc. That gives me things other than my boring job to talk about. It leaves me time and energy to engage with another person - to listen to them, meet their friends, generally shoot the shit.

Maybe this makes me exactly the kind of indie boy-man Marsupialized talks about. But you know what? Plenty of beautiful, intelligent, interesting young women like me, and quite a few want to fuck me. Why don't we all show a little respect for their choices?

[Ptommydski]

Nobody's forcing anything on anyone.

True, this is the C/NC sub-forum. You state your position in an informative and amusing manner which, like I said, Marsup always does. Dude's not trying to force it on anyone.

I agree with Liz in this instance though. It's an individual thing which is unique to each situation.

[brisket]

^ that said, I was dumped for a doctor once.

[Luzwei]

^ that said, I was dumped for a doctor once.

dude. just stop. STOP IT.

[Luzwei]

Nobody's forcing anything on anyone.

I agree with Liz in this instance though. It's an individual thing which is unique to each situation.

Sure. As everything in life. I mean, from a cultural standpoint, women in Croatia are not the same as in UK or USA, if you catch my drift. Maybe women in Cro like to dominate their men in a father issue kinda way. Maybe not. You can never know those kind of little things that are really culturally based.

[El Protoolio]

That's true. I have heard that Luzwei likes to be spanked. Hard.