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stupidest thing a customer ever said to you...

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Re: stupidest thing a customer ever said to you...

Postby sleepkid on Wed May 29, 2013 11:14 pm

BadComrade wrote:Hello.

"Hi. You sound tired. Need lunch?"

What?

"You sound tired. Do you need to go get lunch? I'll watch the shop for you"

<blank stare>

"Oh, I guess you don't do that here. I just came from Japan; they do that"

<blank stare>



Yeah. Just to confirm, as if you needed it, that doesn't get done here.

. . .

I've not had any customers come into the bar and say anything that qualifies as "stupidest" yet, but I have one customer who is getting real close.
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Re: stupidest thing a customer ever said to you...

Postby rappard on Thu May 30, 2013 3:52 am

chumpchange wrote:
rappard wrote:
And overheard in Domino's a few weeks ago when buying a can of Coke:
clueless customer wrote:The pizza with ham and bacon, does it have pork in it?

The girl working the register looked completely stunned for a few seconds, then simply confirmed.



A friend was dining at a Chinese restaurant recently and asked if a certain dish had meat in it.

He was told "no".

The dish arrived and clearly has some kind of meat in it. He says to the server, "hey, this has meat".

"It's not meat, it's pork".

When I watched this movie with a Greek friend, this scene got a good laugh:

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Re: stupidest thing a customer ever said to you...

Postby tbone on Wed Jun 05, 2013 9:37 am

The marketing coordinator who is in charge of updating the web page and all social media bullshit at work called me and said that there was a tweet that she didn't put up on the Facebook page*, something about luring you to check out some "funny article" about old people typing into their cell phones with a link to some probably malicious web page. She of course was completely confused by this and also went to the web page to see what it was, and from her explanation it involved some sort of sexual innuendo involving finding a partner to cheat on your spouse with that I don't think she understood to be sexual innuendo. "At least it wasn't something too bad!" was her comment on it. I told her that the account had been hacked, and to delete the post and change the password immediately. I checked out the twitter page to see what it was, and the tweet in question was from three weeks ago.



* - I left this in here on purpose because this is what she said, but it had nothing to do with Facebook at all and was in fact a tweet on Twitter. Again, I must reiterate that this person is the Marketing Coordinator who is in charge of posting content to the organization's web site and social media outlets.
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Re: stupidest thing a customer ever said to you...

Postby tbone on Wed Jun 05, 2013 9:58 am

I was telling this story to my wife and realized that I neglected another bit of info above. When she went to the spam link in the twitter post, she copied and pasted the URL (most likely not in her address bar; she probably pasted it into a search engine that is most likely Ask.com, formerly known as Ask Jeeves). She did this because I had told her on several occasions not to click on suspicious links in emails, search engine results, etc. She thought that it would be safer to copy and paste the link, because I didn't specifically tell her not to do that.
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Re: stupidest thing a customer ever said to you...

Postby jayryan on Wed Jun 05, 2013 10:41 am

off topic, picking up on tbone's comment above: one older family member, he doesn't trust google, since he heard that google watches what you look at online. if i tell him to go to, say, amazon.com or cnn.com, he opens a new window, types in yahoo.com, then does a search for cnn.com (or whatever), then clicks on that. this is frustrating to me.

okay, back on target:

i got this email yesterday, which was the first in a going-nowhere email exchange with some guy who doesn't want to tell me which bands he has coming to town, which he needs posters for.

"I'm looking for a great concert poster. One that people will admire, steal and cherish."
Hope I die before I get flu!
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Re: stupidest thing a customer ever said to you...

Postby BadComrade on Thu Jun 06, 2013 8:49 pm

Haha. I hope you said, "I can make one that will be stolen weeks before the show!"

My very first Jay Ryan Poster came off the wall at the Empty Bottle after a Dianogah show. It's the kid / swing one. I admired it and Jon Solomon gave it to me. It has all of the show info written on the bottom part in black marker which I think makes it cooler than the ones that were sold. I have never stolen one, though.
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Re: stupidest thing a customer ever said to you...

Postby Dave N. on Fri Jun 07, 2013 10:02 am

Oh, for fuck's sake.

Ultra-patriotic Customer's Purchase Order says:

Acceptance of this P.O. indicates 1) Compliance with Exec Ord #13224
(9/23/2001, amend 7/02/2002) prohibiting use of and transactions with
persons who commit, threaten to commit, or support terrorism, and further
requires the same of each lower-tier subcontractor or P.O. issued
hereunder; 2) Right-of-entry by ***** Industries, its customers, and
regulatory agencies to verify the quality of work, records, and material.
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Re: stupidest thing a customer ever said to you...

Postby DrAwkward on Thu Jun 13, 2013 12:43 am

So today one of my call center guys got an enraged call from a dude who had ordered some brushes from us. UPS had dropped the ball, basically, and hadn't delivered the item yet. He called up SCREAMING at my rep. Then, he decided to play the Star Card. "Do you know who i am? If you knew who i am you people wouldn't be treating me like this. (dude, it's not us, it's UPS.) You know what? I want you to google my name after this call so you can see who you're talking to. I've played with So-and-So, and Yadda Yadda, and Blah Blah Blah..."

This sets my rep off, who has played with his share of big names in his career and probably has this dude beat, but he doesn't play his trump, instead saying, "sir, we treat everyone equally here." Well, now dude is insulted. Rep passes him to me. "That last guy INSULTED me by saying i should treat everyone equal, like i DON'T. Ya know what? After this call i want you to do a google search so you can see who you're talking to. I bet you'll change your tune then." F-bombs, yelling, etc. I tell the dude i'm going to call UPS and get everything sorted, which i do. I have to bark up the ladder a bit at UPS to get them to do what i need them to do, but i get it straightened out.

At some point UPS has me on hold while i have dude on hold, so i see an opportunity to google the dude, since he's been so insistent that i do. I type in his name and the state in which he's located.

Every hit on the first page is a different reference to this guy's presence in his state's sex offender registry.

Dude's shipping address is in one of the hits--it's definitely him. I start cracking up but quickly recover when UPS gets back on the line. Everything's straightened out. I go back to the customer and explain to him that UPS will be calling him to deliver the package. Suddenly he's SUPER nice and apologetic. "Hey man, ya know, i'm sorry i was barking at you and the other dude. It's not your fault, it's UPS. It's all good man."

In my head, there's a dude with him in the room while he's waiting on hold, and that friend of his was saying, "uh, dude? Did you just ask that guy to GOOGLE you?!?"
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Re: stupidest thing a customer ever said to you...

Postby yaledelay on Thu Jun 13, 2013 6:50 am

DrAwkward wrote:So today one of my call center guys got an enraged call from a dude who had ordered some brushes from us. UPS had dropped the ball, basically, and hadn't delivered the item yet. He called up SCREAMING at my rep. Then, he decided to play the Star Card. "Do you know who i am? If you knew who i am you people wouldn't be treating me like this. (dude, it's not us, it's UPS.) You know what? I want you to google my name after this call so you can see who you're talking to. I've played with So-and-So, and Yadda Yadda, and Blah Blah Blah..."

This sets my rep off, who has played with his share of big names in his career and probably has this dude beat, but he doesn't play his trump, instead saying, "sir, we treat everyone equally here." Well, now dude is insulted. Rep passes him to me. "That last guy INSULTED me by saying i should treat everyone equal, like i DON'T. Ya know what? After this call i want you to do a google search so you can see who you're talking to. I bet you'll change your tune then." F-bombs, yelling, etc. I tell the dude i'm going to call UPS and get everything sorted, which i do. I have to bark up the ladder a bit at UPS to get them to do what i need them to do, but i get it straightened out.

At some point UPS has me on hold while i have dude on hold, so i see an opportunity to google the dude, since he's been so insistent that i do. I type in his name and the state in which he's located.

Every hit on the first page is a different reference to this guy's presence in his state's sex offender registry.

Dude's shipping address is in one of the hits--it's definitely him. I start cracking up but quickly recover when UPS gets back on the line. Everything's straightened out. I go back to the customer and explain to him that UPS will be calling him to deliver the package. Suddenly he's SUPER nice and apologetic. "Hey man, ya know, i'm sorry i was barking at you and the other dude. It's not your fault, it's UPS. It's all good man."

In my head, there's a dude with him in the room while he's waiting on hold, and that friend of his was saying, "uh, dude? Did you just ask that guy to GOOGLE you?!?"



You do NOT want to know what he is going to do with those drum brushes, trust me.
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Re: stupidest thing a customer ever said to you...

Postby WoundedFoot on Thu Jun 13, 2013 10:23 am

yaledelay wrote:
DrAwkward wrote:So today one of my call center guys got an enraged call from a dude who had ordered some brushes from us. UPS had dropped the ball, basically, and hadn't delivered the item yet. He called up SCREAMING at my rep. Then, he decided to play the Star Card. "Do you know who i am? If you knew who i am you people wouldn't be treating me like this. (dude, it's not us, it's UPS.) You know what? I want you to google my name after this call so you can see who you're talking to. I've played with So-and-So, and Yadda Yadda, and Blah Blah Blah..."

This sets my rep off, who has played with his share of big names in his career and probably has this dude beat, but he doesn't play his trump, instead saying, "sir, we treat everyone equally here." Well, now dude is insulted. Rep passes him to me. "That last guy INSULTED me by saying i should treat everyone equal, like i DON'T. Ya know what? After this call i want you to do a google search so you can see who you're talking to. I bet you'll change your tune then." F-bombs, yelling, etc. I tell the dude i'm going to call UPS and get everything sorted, which i do. I have to bark up the ladder a bit at UPS to get them to do what i need them to do, but i get it straightened out.

At some point UPS has me on hold while i have dude on hold, so i see an opportunity to google the dude, since he's been so insistent that i do. I type in his name and the state in which he's located.

Every hit on the first page is a different reference to this guy's presence in his state's sex offender registry.

Dude's shipping address is in one of the hits--it's definitely him. I start cracking up but quickly recover when UPS gets back on the line. Everything's straightened out. I go back to the customer and explain to him that UPS will be calling him to deliver the package. Suddenly he's SUPER nice and apologetic. "Hey man, ya know, i'm sorry i was barking at you and the other dude. It's not your fault, it's UPS. It's all good man."

In my head, there's a dude with him in the room while he's waiting on hold, and that friend of his was saying, "uh, dude? Did you just ask that guy to GOOGLE you?!?"



You do NOT want to know what he is going to do with those drum brushes, trust me.


Sounds like Buddy Rich called that day. "Brushes? You gotta fuckin' be kidding me!" (Wait, he's dead... his child molester son or brother who also drums?)
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Re: stupidest thing a customer ever said to you...

Postby Boombats on Thu Jun 13, 2013 10:38 am

I didn't know Ted Nugent played drums.
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Re: stupidest thing a customer ever said to you...

Postby Tom on Tue Jun 18, 2013 12:05 pm

A woman came in this morning with a tub of law books. I told her we don't usually buy law books and she should check the Cooley bookstore (She went to MSU Law and even though there's only a marginal difference (MSU a decent but not great school, Cooley is marginal).

She responds "They can read at Cooley?!"

I smile and nod.

Then she goes off about how someone told her that her son had to take the bar more than once and it's not uncommon. Her response "Oh, did you're son go to Cooley?"

I asked her if she had taken the bar yet. She hadn't.

Smug dipshits are the worst.
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Re: stupidest thing a customer ever said to you...

Postby Tom on Wed Jun 19, 2013 3:30 pm

Guy comes in wearing a shirt that says "State Paranormal Society"

Me: I didn't know we had a Paranormal Society

Him: Oh yeah! You should check it out!

Me: You guys found anything yet?

Him: Some stuff...
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Re: stupidest thing a customer ever said to you...

Postby Charlie D on Wed Jun 26, 2013 1:14 pm

There's a huge conference in August and we're completely booked aside from nine beds in the male dorm. A young lady called earlier and asked about availability and I apologized, telling her the situation, and I wished her luck. She just called back a minute ago and asked, "Is the male dorm, uh, male only?"
I tell her, "That's kind of why it's called the male dorm."
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Re: stupidest thing a customer ever said to you...

Postby Charlie D on Mon Jul 22, 2013 2:42 pm

I'm sorry but If I have to explain to you what our rates are twice in a row, explain what a dormitory is, than explain what a hostel is, explain what a dormitory is again, explain what a hostel is two more times in a row, clarify that, no, it's not a trailer park, try to explain what Wikipedia is so that you can read about it yourself since you don't like my answers, and then explain what the rates are for the dates you're not even sure you're going to book, I'm just going to hang up.
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Re: stupidest thing a customer ever said to you...

Postby Otto Parts on Mon Jul 22, 2013 2:50 pm

Rémy wrote:
Otto Parts wrote:2. Customer brings movie to counter. "What's this movie about?" Movie was 1492: The Discovery.

I really like this one.


Also once had a customer ask for the movie "Rico Chet." She pronounced it like two guys' names, Rico and Chet. The movie she wanted was "Ricochet" of course.
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Re: stupidest thing a customer ever said to you...

Postby Jodi S. on Tue Jul 23, 2013 12:29 am

Otto Parts wrote:Also once had a customer ask for the movie "Rico Chet." She pronounced it like two guys' names, Rico and Chet. The movie she wanted was "Ricochet" of course.


Reminds me of the time when I took radio charts for the magazine I was employed by. One day, I was calling record stores. The woman at the other end of the phone, when asked for the top ten sellers of the last two weeks were, said

"We're selling a lot of that "Stick It To Ya" record by Slaughter."

Except she didn't pronounce it like "daughter." She pronounced it like "after."

Afterwards, when I hung up, there was laughter.
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Re: stupidest thing a customer ever said to you...

Postby Linus Van Pelt on Tue Jul 23, 2013 12:42 am

Tom wrote:A woman came in this morning with a tub of law books. I told her we don't usually buy law books and she should check the Cooley bookstore (She went to MSU Law and even though there's only a marginal difference (MSU a decent but not great school, Cooley is marginal).

She responds "They can read at Cooley?!"

I smile and nod.

Then she goes off about how someone told her that her son had to take the bar more than once and it's not uncommon. Her response "Oh, did you're son go to Cooley?"

I asked her if she had taken the bar yet. She hadn't.

Smug dipshits are the worst.


Smug dipshits are the worst. Smug law students are a special category. Smug law students who are smug about not going to Cooley are a special special category. (As opposed to smug law students who are smug about going to Cooley, which is rare, and, you just have to kind of laugh.)

As much as I'd like to hype my school, an MSU Law student can't feel all that superior about bar pass rates, compared to Cooley.
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Re: stupidest thing a customer ever said to you...

Postby Otto Parts on Tue Jul 23, 2013 8:32 am

Jodi S. wrote:
Otto Parts wrote:Also once had a customer ask for the movie "Rico Chet." She pronounced it like two guys' names, Rico and Chet. The movie she wanted was "Ricochet" of course.


Reminds me of the time when I took radio charts for the magazine I was employed by. One day, I was calling record stores. The woman at the other end of the phone, when asked for the top ten sellers of the last two weeks were, said

"We're selling a lot of that "Stick It To Ya" record by Slaughter."

Except she didn't pronounce it like "daughter." She pronounced it like "after."

Afterwards, when I hung up, there was laughter.


I also worked in a store that sold books and records. The staff consisted of "book people" and "record people." One of the "book people" took a special order for "Paco Bell's Cannon." (Not making that one up. True story.)
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Re: stupidest thing a customer ever said to you...

Postby WoundedFoot on Tue Jul 23, 2013 11:20 am

Jodi S. wrote:
Otto Parts wrote:Also once had a customer ask for the movie "Rico Chet." She pronounced it like two guys' names, Rico and Chet. The movie she wanted was "Ricochet" of course.


Reminds me of the time when I took radio charts for the magazine I was employed by. One day, I was calling record stores. The woman at the other end of the phone, when asked for the top ten sellers of the last two weeks were, said

"We're selling a lot of that "Stick It To Ya" record by Slaughter."

Except she didn't pronounce it like "daughter." She pronounced it like "after."

Afterwards, when I hung up, there was laughter.


I have a list of mispronunciations from my store. Mado Nah. Cayenne West. A-Mon A-Marth. Always puts a smile on my face.
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