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Post while you are depressed thread

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Re: Post while you are depressed thread

Postby kokorodoko on Thu Sep 21, 2017 7:11 am

jimmy spako wrote:Why do we say "to dig yourself out of a hole"? Maybe that is the problem.

To dig oneself out of a hole implies that you have fallen off the "right path", that there is a state of normalcy, of sanity; of happy, peaceful everyday life; or even a state of fulfillment that is supposed to be, that you percieve as being, part of regular everyday existence but you yourself are struggling to attain. "I need to get out of this dark place and get back to normal".

But what if "normal" does not in fact offer any solace, only more anxiety, more stress, more falsity? What if the "fulfillment" on offer doesn't even appear a goal worth striving for?

Life, as it stands, does not in any of its incarnations seem to be about "life" at all, but merely about endurance.

What if these things are actually impossible to attain under present conditions? If that is true, then that is in fact a hopeful thought.
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Re: Post while you are depressed thread

Postby SecondEdition on Thu Sep 21, 2017 11:59 pm

briefly: it is indescribably exhausting to fight my demons every day and wake up with nothing gained. nothing worse but nothing better. an even level of hell.
Life...life...I know it's got its ups and downs.

In the someday, what's that sound.


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Re: Post while you are depressed thread

Postby Janeway on Fri Sep 22, 2017 11:38 am

^buy yourself some flowers, like a big friendly bouquet of daisies and trick yourself into getting something special from life and break up the monotony of even-hellishness by rewarding yourself.

lots of bouquets are only $5 and its just a simple purchase that lives in your home and makes it better for a week or two and feels nice. if you make it a habit i promise your monotony will cease because the variety itself of choosing different flowers to bring home breaks up any kinda monotony, and who can feel like they're in hell surrounded by bouquets of beautiful flowers?
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Re: Post while you are depressed thread

Postby jimmy spako on Fri Sep 22, 2017 12:19 pm

^

"Thinking you understand clinical depression because you experienced situational sadness is like thinking you know Italy because you went to the Olive Garden."


- Paul Gilmartin
Isabelle Gall wrote:'Do not go smoothly into that dark night'


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Re: Post while you are depressed thread

Postby bishopdante on Fri Sep 22, 2017 3:53 pm

The stress response has been called "fight or flight".

It should really be called "fight, flight or freeze".

Terms to google: Learned helplessness.

One of the causes of depression to my mind is the result of a state of extended powerlessness - the inability for one's actions to avert suffering, and is related to a chronic state of cause and effect and pleasure / pain being scrambled.

The medical experiment that uncovered the process of learned helplessness involved torturing dogs with electric shocks subject to the behaviour of other dogs. Once the dogs had learned that nothing they did would change their situation, they resigned themselves to suffering, and even when control was returned to them, they simply accepted the pain without trying to take action. It was very difficult to retrain the dogs to avoid pain once they had been conditioned. The animals had to be "put through the motions" to learn that the rules had changed, and that they were once again in charge rather than victims of the actions of others.

Behavioural researchers have no doubt cooked up some sinister and sociopathic experiments. If you caught a little kid giving the family dog electric shocks to "investigate what motivates animals", many people today would send them to a psychiatrist.

Being exposed to an unjust, complex, materialistic and unpredictable society, depression is no doubt an epidemic.

Some studies looking at the "smartphone generation" have shown that on excess of 25% of teenagers are now exhibiting signs of clinical depression.

http://www.independent.co.uk/life-style ... 94676.html

_________

"There is nothing you can do about it" is the song of depression.

We need something revolutionary for today's young people to get behind. Every generation has to do this, to claim their stake, and to turn over toxic authority.

Depressed youth getting angry, and going after the likes of trump/bush? Bring it on.

_________

In Chinese medicine depression is called "anger turned inwards". Frustration is a good name for it.

It's important to get angry. To set goals, and get aggressive about the sources of unhappiness. Not an out of control aggression, but a motivated and martial-arts type.

There is a lot to be angry about in history, and the post-9/11 era has been sinister.

So far, nobody has yet figured out how to put a dent in the growing hegemony of predatory, narcissistic, insatiable sociopaths in private jets, with a competitive dog-eat-dog neoliberal ideology, a phenomenon that has been growing at a never-before-seen rate at the expense of many people's happiness.

It seems that we are globally slipping back towards colonialism rather than egalitarianism.

________

As a musician, it is depressing to know that billions and billions of plays of your work on spotify/YouTube/et al might pay you some money. Microscopic fractions of a cent per play... and that's what's 'saving the industry' after two decades of a broken copyright model.

As a person who committed 100% to being in the music business from an early age, seeing this unfold has been depressing. Too many venues and studios closing in London. The underground scene of squats being shut down, and the cost of living becoming so bizarre that bankers on million pound salaries find it hard to buy a family sized home.

Artists aren't just entertainers. The job of the griot / bard / troubadour is to report not just on the outer world, but on the inner spirit. It is difficult work.

Sometimes that's the blues.

Call me a lawyer, I have a case (or two) I'd like to bring against the enslavers and crooked occupiers of public office who do not serve the public interest.

The grenfell tower experience has shocked me to the core. Horrific.

For my own wellbeing and sanity, and for the wellbeing and sanity of those around me, I have been compelled to take whatever action I can. Because the neglect of government social welfare resulting in the burning alive of people in their beds in the center of London... that is crossing a line. We haven't had a lethal architectural accident like that in over 100 years.

It's a dark scenario. Very dark, very scary, very confusing. Have had bouts of horrific depression as a result.

So, there is a choice. Sit and meditate on the sadness of it all.

Or - even though you aren't feeling it - force your body to go through the motions and get on the horse.

Stress and fatigue result in immobility. Got to know where the limit is and when to rest. If you just push through depression on mechanical willpower, it can get a lot worse in the long run.

It''s a physical thing and a mental thing, they are one and the same, really.
Last edited by bishopdante on Mon Sep 25, 2017 4:22 am, edited 1 time in total.
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Re: Post while you are depressed thread

Postby catwoman on Fri Sep 22, 2017 11:20 pm

I just learned that there's a psychology branch called Existential Psychology. I stumbled upon it when I was reading about anxiety, and the article pointed to a youtube video about Existential Anxiety.

After doing a bit more reading about it, it's a bit more than "what's the point of it all?". I suspect that many of the times my anxiety goes into high gear, and I feel like, "why bother?", and my depression kicks in, this existential thing may be in play.

Hell, I was hoping it was just bad biochemistry....
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Re: Post while you are depressed thread

Postby Janeway on Fri Sep 22, 2017 11:45 pm

^its so dumb sounding but the minute you're that deeply existential about life and the universe you need to go shopping at the mall and material out. you're only one living being, an ant can't comprehend all of earth much less the expanding universe and we can't either so it's new shoes town for you this weekend missy! :)
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Re: Post while you are depressed thread

Postby Defender on Sat Sep 23, 2017 12:48 am

sry
Last edited by Defender on Sat Sep 23, 2017 10:21 am, edited 1 time in total.
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Re: Post while you are depressed thread

Postby VaticanShotglass on Sat Sep 23, 2017 2:46 am

SecondEdition wrote:briefly: it is indescribably exhausting to fight my demons every day and wake up with nothing gained. nothing worse but nothing better. an even level of hell.


I'm very sorry to hear this. I've felt this way for bleak years on end. I've been feeling a little better the past few weeks. I really hope you catch a break. My break might not last very long, but I've been grateful for it. I hope you can say the same sooner than later, but I know that sometimes it just keeps going. I hate that you feel this hell of yours. I appreciate that you are treading water. It might feel like nothing but it's not.
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Re: Post while you are depressed thread

Postby Janeway on Sat Sep 23, 2017 3:55 am

^i post actions, the way you offer a suggestion of sympathy and guidance at a funeral. it's always the wrong thing to say, it's never that you understand what the person is going through... but I'm not the type to let folks sit online emptying their souls to strangers and not offer some kinda joy, but taking out pain here is what it's all about so go ahead and comment on how wrong or how much you dislike what I've got goin on, which is help, which is coming from someone worse off than you.
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Re: Post while you are depressed thread

Postby Boombats on Sat Sep 23, 2017 4:33 am

Janeway wrote:if you make it a habit i promise your monotony will cease because the variety itself of choosing different flowers to bring home breaks up any kinda monotony, and who can feel like they're in hell surrounded by bouquets of beautiful flowers?

Dead people?
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Re: Post while you are depressed thread

Postby Beetown on Sat Sep 23, 2017 4:39 am

I'm depressed in Stockholm,and feel worse that i'm too tired and sad to make the most of today. I'm less than a week into my solo travel to Scandinavia and i've had aome great times so far but my mood changes at the drop of a hat. I'm too socially anxious to meet people and hang out with anyone so i've been getting street food and walking around at night. I'm looking forward to the rest of the trip but i feel so shit that i'm still depressed and having suicidal ideation in a place i've wanted to go to for years.
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Re: Post while you are depressed thread

Postby kokorodoko on Sat Sep 23, 2017 10:09 am

That sucks, Beetown. It's a stereotype which I myself don't have enough traveling experience to confirm, but going by other accounts Sweden is not the easiest place to make casual friends either. What have you done so far and do you have anything planned in particular?
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Re: Post while you are depressed thread

Postby SkronkFronkerdale on Sat Sep 23, 2017 7:26 pm

catwoman wrote:I just learned that there's a psychology branch called Existential Psychology. I stumbled upon it when I was reading about anxiety, and the article pointed to a youtube video about Existential Anxiety.

After doing a bit more reading about it, it's a bit more than "what's the point of it all?". I suspect that many of the times my anxiety goes into high gear, and I feel like, "why bother?", and my depression kicks in, this existential thing may be in play.

Hell, I was hoping it was just bad biochemistry....


I've spent a lot of my life pondering anxiety in all its forms, largely cause I've been swamped with it from a very young age. There appear to me to be at least three different and distinct "types" of anxiety. There's the standard primordial "fight or flight" anxiety originating from our reptilian brain, from the amygdala, which is necessary for our physical survival. It responds to external stimuli perceived as threatening to our physical survival. Then there is the anxiety that comes when the amygdala becomes hijacked and inadvertently programmed to respond to stimuli that has no bearing on our survival, yet, as it is internally imagined into being via the power of our subconscious, makes us respond as if our life depended on it when met with what could be literally anything at all, the most mundane thing eliciting the same panic response that would normally be reserved for dangling off a cliff or some catastrophe. This second kind is what society typically refers to when we speak of "anxiety", "I have an anxiety problem" etc. It may be caused by a hyper-sensitive imagination or a subversion in the biochemical workings of the brain(often genetic), both of which can make a healthy relationship with our subconscious very difficult(the subconscious mind follows the lead of the conscious mind and can easily become "trapped" in the new "Anxiety-driven Reality"), or else a traumatic previous experience of some kind that has reconditioned the subconscious to react to stimuli it has come to perceive as threatening... Gosh, I'm sorry I sound like a textbook or something with my armchair psychology. Just trying to organize my silly thoughts. Anyways, the first kind of anxiety, the basic primordial one, is inherently healthy for us, and we need it to survive. The second kind, though there may be some incidental advantages that come along with it, is terrifying in how horrific and all-consuming it can be for our existent being. We don't want it or need it, it destroys our lives and makes us want to die, which is sorta ironic, as the purpose of the panic response was initially due to the fact that we inherently seek our survival as living beings.

The third kind is the kind you speak of here, Existential Anxiety. This one, unlike the other two, is both inherently good and necessary for us yet also often unnecessary, and has the potential to destroy our quality of life and drive us to despair. It can be the best thing that ever happened to us as well as the worst thing that ever happened to us. It has many potential angles and can take on many forms in regards to our relationship with our own self. It is inherently a spiritual anxiety, where we become conscious of our own freedom and capacity for choice. Without such mortal choice, there would be no cause for such anxiety. In the words of Soren Kierkegaard, who I believe was the first person to ever write about existential anxiety specifically(and to that extent is its discoverer.) "Anxiety is the dizziness of freedom".

Probably best to ignore this Unrelated Nerd-Off cause I'm stoooned yo: (Kierkegaard was astoundingly brilliant. The heavy-handed religiousness is probably what has kept him from becoming a household name, as well as how intensely esoteric a lot of his writing is, while I think the 21st Century latched on to Nietzsche instead because he better suited the times in its contemporary aesthetic. But they are extremely similar, come to almost all the same initial conclusions while living very similar lonely and misunderstood lives, only Kierkegaard did it first and goes far deeper than Fred in his insights. Though a lot of people prefer Fred cause he's Kierkegaard without the religion, Kierkegaard Is Fred without the shitty asshole parts, and I think that is far more important. In fact, Kierkegaard would've had a whole lot to say about the whole Ubermensch thing, and he would've been right, or so I reckon. In a way, the motive behind Kierkegaard's authorship was to destroy the notion of the Superman. He had enough practice with Hegel amirite lol. I even think he would've had a huge positive influence on Fred if Fred had had a chance to read him, partly because Fred would have seen a true peer, and also perhaps for the same reason Fred claimed to have had much to learn from Dostoevsky. You could not get a more perfect response to the notion of the Ubermensch than Crime and Punishment, and Nietzsche would have likely read it a few years before his mind went cause of that damn horse! Pretty sure he found Dostoevsky near the end of his life. But anyways, there is no way Kierkegaard's ideas could be insinuated into the Third Reich, Kierkegaards primary concern is very much an ethical one, advocating absolute personal responsibility as well as the transformative consciousness of guilt that comes with our growing awareness of our own being. Aren't the supposed "Supermen", those who consider themselves to be beyond morals and to make their own rules, a big part of the psychology that goes into the supposed "elite" ranks of privileged rich folks that can observe their own role in the horrors and disparity of the world, caused by their insatiable greed, without remorse? It was a misuse of Freds ideas to assimilate them into Nazi propaganda, of course, but still. It wasn't that much of a stretch. I find it interesting that his last act before the loss of his great mind was in direct refutation of his philosophy: taking pity on a helpless animal. Again, Dostoevsky is full of scenes almost identical to Fred's scene with the Turin horse. I wonder if Nietzsche's world-view ultimately collapsed on itself, or else was destined to do so. Though it is complete speculation on my part, and it is of course bullshit to insist that any such speculation proves anything at all).

Continuing on now lol. Existential anxiety is anxiousness over what we must do. Existential anxiety seems to be necessary for the survival of our spiritual existence in a similar way to how Reptilian anxiety is necessary for the survival of our physical existence. Without either of them there is no need for movement. Both tell us when we need to move, one physically and the other, well, existentially. To a large extent existential anxiety is misunderstood. It is the driving force behind our own becoming, and we need it to bother with that whole burdensome and terrifying process. It forces us to make choices important to our development that it would be easier not to make. Here again there is a sort of "fight or flight" that manifests itself. The "fight" being our ability to take control of our situation, to the extent that is possible, and the "flight" being avoidance of our given existential situation, which is really avoidance of our existential anxiety. Procrastination has been shown to be very much anxiety related in modern psychology, leading to a cycle of impulsive avoidance behaviors. And the more we avoid existential anxiety, the worse and worse it gets, until it drives us into despair and depression, a feeling of helplessness. When we take back some semblance of control over our existence, generally speaking, we feel the anxiety begin to be broken up and our spirit begins to revitalize. But first we must learn to not avoid existential anxiety or see it as a bad thing, but to use it for its given purpose, to spur us forward over the next giant wave on the horizon. Each time we succeed in doing so, we regain our confidence back a little more, and our lives seem to have some meaning again, despite what appears to be the inherent meaninglessness of life haha. In some ways, existential anxiety may tell us that we have some sort of misalignment with our own being, like how pain tells our body something is wrong and our amygdala tells us we are in danger. Perhaps existential anxiety also warns us of some danger? Maybe not, but its a thought anyway.

I'm just rambling about things I'm interested in cause I figure that's what the internet must be for ha. And I smoke too much pot. Don't mind me! Love to all you people suffering under your own horrid dark cloud. I've been extremely fortunate in recent years to be one of the few people that benefited immensely from medication. I hope so much that you all can find your own relief, in whatever form.
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Re: Post while you are depressed thread

Postby VaticanShotglass on Sat Sep 23, 2017 9:02 pm

Janeway wrote:^i post actions, the way you offer a suggestion of sympathy and guidance at a funeral. it's always the wrong thing to say, it's never that you understand what the person is going through... but I'm not the type to let folks sit online emptying their souls to strangers and not offer some kinda joy, but taking out pain here is what it's all about so go ahead and comment on how wrong or how much you dislike what I've got goin on, which is help, which is coming from someone worse off than you.


I don't know what-in-the-fuck this is trying to say, but I've been away from the forum for a while (and this thread, which I used to frequent quite a bit) and it's kinda odd now. I'm probably going to err on the side of just not posting in this thread anymore. I don't always check my PMs like I used to, but if anyone ever wants or needs to talk or something you can try that. If you know me on Facebook, then that's cool too. Be well. Thanks for the kindness in this thread when I've really needed it. I'm sorry I don't have much else to offer.
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Re: Post while you are depressed thread

Postby Pasta on Sun Sep 24, 2017 9:15 pm

Middle aged depression is odd. Post cancer treatment depression is odd. Every day is new. I have a really good shrink, Leah and I are discovering New joy every day. I just find myself tired of trying all the fucking time.


I sleep a lot. Just want things to be simple.

I dunno. Ready to relocate. Tired of this day to day.
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Re: Post while you are depressed thread

Postby goatlord on Mon Sep 25, 2017 7:49 am

Feeling depression is not feeling sadness, really. I think that it sounds like this song.

phpBB [media]


Lights are out, universe is cold and everything is a hassle. Irritation and anger is more common than sadness. I've been out of it for 2 months, and I don't want it back, but it'll come back, of course it will. There's an anxiety about not having it, just having normal sadness for normal things, there's a danger, a weird presence around the corner. Will I fuck up my life the next time? Could I take it again? Those things are real, you have to take them into account every single day of your life, for the people that surround you, and it's draining.

Exercise, meditation, keeping yourself busy, socializing, policing your reactions to failures and allowing little luxuries, I think, are the key to combating it, but there are little pockets of danger everywhere. The chemistry is hard. But we can do it, fuck. WE CAN.
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Re: Post while you are depressed thread

Postby VaticanShotglass on Fri Oct 27, 2017 3:27 am

catwoman wrote:
Frank Decent wrote:I feel awful and I'm not quite sure why. I feel like my body is constantly vibrating and I can't seem to regulate a comfortable temperature. I never feel warm. I have to wonder if it's due to me weening myself off Risperidone. My doc said it's a low dose, so there's not much danger but I can't explain these awful sensations. I did have two caffeinated drinks this morning, and I've limited my caffeine intake to almost zero, so maybe I'm just experiencing my body reacting to not having it and then having it, but this also has been going on and off for a few weeks. I don't weird. Weird.


You could Google tapering or weaning or withdrawal, if you haven't already, for this med. I found doctors to be really very painfully misinformed when it comes to tapering/withdrawal process. When I was trying to wean off Effexor, my doctor recommended a totally useless and idiotic method of taking a full dose one day, a half dose the next, a full dose again, then half dose again, etc. This sort of "Sawtooth" method was intolerable and clearly she didn't have a clue as to what the withdrawal from that Med is actually like. There are online support groups for pretty much any kind of psych meds and getting off of them. Not that it's the be-all-end-all, but feeling like s*** and knowing that at least you're not alone makes it a little better and sometimes you can get some good tips so you feel like you can help yourself in the process.
Unfortunately, I'm not convinced our Psych doctors really know how to get us off any Med that they have prescribed to us. Have some nice calming tea, avoid the caffeine, stay warm, maybe a nice hot bath and try to sleep a lot. If it gets really horrible, you may want to call your doctor, see if there is anything they can do for you to make this less difficult, but unfortunately I wouldn't expect much, unless you have a really good, really experienced and practical doctor. In the meantime, know that we're rooting for you, hopefully this won't be a long drawn-out process.


I just want to second this. I totally feel the same way. I hope you feel better FD. Medication discontinuation is a nightmare.
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Re: Post while you are depressed thread

Postby MJongo on Tue Nov 21, 2017 9:22 pm

Most depressed I've been in my life the past couple weeks. Got a ticket to see Pere Ubu tomorrow night but haven't left my bed all day and don't feel like doing so anytime soon. Don't see anything in the world or my life ever changing for the better.
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Re: Post while you are depressed thread

Postby MJongo on Wed Dec 27, 2017 5:17 pm

Yesterday was my 28th birthday and I feel like garbage. I want to play music so much but I can’t. I took piano lessons and practiced for years and I feel like there’s a problem with my brain because I still can’t play at a remotely competent level. I can’t find the energy, motivation, time, or money to continue trying and I hate myself.
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