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Post while you are depressed thread

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Re: Post while you are depressed thread

Postby Janeway on Wed Dec 27, 2017 5:38 pm

^ omg lease don't say that. actually my rich grandma always taught me " you never 'hate', it's this old money thing, like nothing can effect you that extremely so you can only ever strongly dislike something and be classy, so at the very least jongo you can be like your pal Jan here and be classy and only strongly disliked like how you're feeling, but never the urself cause you're too classy to be unlikeable, ya don't g?



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Re: Post while you are depressed thread

Postby MJongo on Wed Dec 27, 2017 6:01 pm

“Hate” was the wrong word. “Frustrated” or “disappointed” with myself is better.
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Re: Post while you are depressed thread

Postby Janeway on Wed Dec 27, 2017 6:09 pm

how about "hug" yourself :)
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Re: Post while you are depressed thread

Postby Janeway on Wed Dec 27, 2017 6:57 pm

my broken heart and i are getting hHa go watch phantom menace now for a guy that stopped caring... gd knows how long ago,
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Re: Post while you are depressed thread

Postby Janeway on Wed Dec 27, 2017 7:03 pm

i love how guys shrug their shoulders sayin " sorry I'm terrible" instead of just not actin on terrible stuff and forcing us to call you terrible, instead just live up to that idea we invented called bein a man, cause guys screw around but a man sees a terrible choice and doesn't make it. that's why folks say " be a man "
its too bad worship only matters f I'm the source or I'd be satisfied with the people currently in my life, butt what are you gonna do, i deserve. :)
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Re: Post while you are depressed thread

Postby Janeway on Wed Dec 27, 2017 7:08 pm

life is action, not your pretty words. I'm so sicilian ive heard every pretty word there is to say
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Re: Post while you are depressed thread

Postby Janeway on Wed Dec 27, 2017 7:23 pm

he reminds me of han solo so much though :)
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Re: Post while you are depressed thread

Postby MJongo on Wed Dec 27, 2017 7:26 pm

Janeway wrote:how about "hug" yourself :)

I dunno. I feel fundamentally broken. I want to simplify and streamline my life, but being obsessed with music makes that really hard to do. The only instrument I can play with even the most rudimentary skill is keyboard, but I get depressed because I can't just carry one around and play it when I want to. I went to open mics and shows several times a week this year with my friend that plays guitar and lets me sing sometimes at the end of his sets, but all the electronics and money that goes into instruments and making music really intimidates me. I tried taking up acoustic guitar because it is simpler and more portable, but I have tactile sensitivity problems with touching strings and even thinking about them makes my gut hurt. Also most of the music I have bouncing around in my head isn't really suited for it. I feel trapped in a body that doesn't work with what my mind wants to do. :(
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Re: Post while you are depressed thread

Postby Janeway on Wed Dec 27, 2017 8:07 pm

^
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nature finds a way.
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Re: Post while you are depressed thread

Postby FuzzBob on Fri Feb 02, 2018 10:27 am

My stepmother and I became estranged over the course of losing my wife to cancer. Basically, the stepmother is used to being the alpha on her own side of the family and got her ego bruised when the rest of us, acting as a team to try to save someone's life, didn't care about giving her power or status. Her presence would've been valued as a team player, but that wasn't enough for her. She responded by throwing tantrums and acting petty.

The trouble is that it's making it difficult to maintain a relationship with my dad. We both want to make it work, so we meet for lunch on the regular. Family functions are off the table until my stepmother and I can reach some sort of détente, which is 2% likely, which stresses him out. My ex (who I'm crushed over losing, more on that in a second) lost her dad recently, I've seen the effects, my dad is only now starting to take care of himself in his late 60s, and I'm very aware that the meter is running.

I also unfriended my ex just as our post-relationship relationship happened to start thawing. I immediately regretted unfriending her because it came off as petulant, but it's one of those things that's awkward to address, so I didn't. She just figured it out and has been super pissed for the past few days. I created a dumb situation, handled it poorly, and now have a mess to clean up.

These are those things in life that you eventually navigate through, but at the moment these things are just bumming my shit. These too shall pass, hopefully.
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Re: Post while you are depressed thread

Postby FuzzBob on Fri Feb 02, 2018 10:27 am

My stepmother and I became estranged over the course of losing my wife to cancer. Basically, the stepmother is used to being the alpha on her own side of the family and got her ego bruised when the rest of us, acting as a team to try to save someone's life, didn't care about giving her power or status. Her presence would've been valued as a team player, but that wasn't enough for her. She responded by throwing tantrums and acting petty.

The trouble is that it's making it difficult to maintain a relationship with my dad. We both want to make it work, so we meet for lunch on the regular. Family functions are off the table until my stepmother and I can reach some sort of détente, which is 2% likely, which stresses him out. My ex (who I'm crushed over losing, more on that in a second) lost her dad recently, I've seen the effects, my dad is only now starting to take care of himself in his late 60s, and I'm very aware that the meter is running.

I also unfriended my ex just as our post-relationship relationship happened to start thawing. I immediately regretted unfriending her because it came off as petulant, but it's one of those things that's awkward to address, so I didn't. She just figured it out and has been super pissed for the past few days. I created a dumb situation, handled it poorly, and now have a mess to clean up.

These are those things in life that you eventually navigate through, but at the moment these things are just bumming my shit. These too shall pass, hopefully.
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Re: Post while you are depressed thread

Postby FuzzBob on Fri Feb 02, 2018 10:27 am

My stepmother and I became estranged over the course of losing my wife to cancer. Basically, the stepmother is used to being the alpha on her own side of the family and got her ego bruised when the rest of us, acting as a team to try to save someone's life, didn't care about giving her power or status. Her presence would've been valued as a team player, but that wasn't enough for her. She responded by throwing tantrums and acting petty.

The trouble is that it's making it difficult to maintain a relationship with my dad. We both want to make it work, so we meet for lunch on the regular. Family functions are off the table until my stepmother and I can reach some sort of détente, which is 2% likely, which stresses him out. My ex (who I'm crushed over losing, more on that in a second) lost her dad recently, I've seen the effects, my dad is only now starting to take care of himself in his late 60s, and I'm very aware that the meter is running.

I also unfriended my ex just as our post-relationship relationship happened to start thawing. I immediately regretted unfriending her because it came off as petulant, but it's one of those things that's awkward to address, so I didn't. She just figured it out and has been super pissed for the past few days. I created a dumb situation, handled it poorly, and now have a mess to clean up.

These are those things in life that you eventually navigate through, but at the moment these things are just bumming my shit. These too shall pass, hopefully.
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Re: Post while you are depressed thread

Postby kokorodoko on Sat Feb 03, 2018 11:00 am

Disclaimer: This post is quite dark, so feel free to skip it.


Looking over The Homeless Guide, and I don't recommend it, it's very heavy reading. At the same time, it feels healthy to be knocked out of my safe zone. Actual people are in those actual situations, and better get used to knowing it. The amount of stress regular life puts on me, the little triumphs I experience over conquering those, is nothing to this - and in that situation you would absolutely need not to break or you are done.

At the same time, is that not where the stress of regular life ultimately comes from? The lurking half-awareness that there's where you could end up. So keep smiling and going to work, citizen.

Hubris and naivety need to be checked. I have treated people as trustworthy too much at times in the past, to my own detriment, and I tend to lean that way in new encounters, simply because I am so sick of having to be on my guard all the time. Like, we want to believe that others want to trust and be trusted like we do, right? But in the end showing trust can mean showing weakness and showing weakness can spell your doom.

A small sense of panic arose as I quickly scanned all my recent involvements with other people too see if I might have done anything like that. Ugh, not good.

I'm ok though. Just... it was unexpected.
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Re: Post while you are depressed thread

Postby Janeway on Sun Feb 04, 2018 5:06 am

let’s skip together down memory lane, that’s more fun than letting folks skip over you :)

being homeless is a kind of emotional bankruptcy that replaces many societal emotions like being awkward or nervous and instead adrenalined in survivor mode, it’s like when a country is at war and the focus is toughness and survival and not the falsified bs we create in spoiled societal nothingness. your thinking changes because it’s adapting to hunger and habitat mode, like zombies just caring about brains and nothing else, it’s more animal and ... hard to describe. but ultimately don’t worry, worrying about being homeless vs being homeless is like worrying at the edge of a cliff vs swimming in the rough waters you just fallen into. there’s not the kinda anxiety thinking you’d imagine, you just get harder and tougher because there’s no choice.

i can’t tell if you trusted the wrong person or let someone trust you . did someone get screwed over? either way, just focus on the next time you’re gonna get screwed, be like a sex zombie and think “ooorrrrrgggaaaasssmmm” and chase tail. we exist for the greatest feeling in the world so spend some of that anxious reflection time on being in the present and on the hunt. goodluck out there 8)
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Re: Post while you are depressed thread

Postby Janeway on Sun Feb 04, 2018 5:28 am

^thats for koko i forgot to put the arrow. now it makes sense
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Re: Post while you are depressed thread

Postby 154 on Sun Feb 04, 2018 9:37 am

TFW things are finally looking a bit up for you and your dad seems hell bent on tearing your whole family apart. Jesus fuck..
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Re: Post while you are depressed thread

Postby kokorodoko on Sun Feb 04, 2018 11:32 am

Janeway wrote:let’s skip together down memory lane, that’s more fun than letting folks skip over you :)

Sure, I'll skip along. I just became scared of my own thoughts for a moment, and didn't want to put bad things inside anyone's head.

Janeway wrote:being homeless is a kind of emotional bankruptcy that replaces many societal emotions like being awkward or nervous and instead adrenalined in survivor mode, it’s like when a country is at war and the focus is toughness and survival and not the falsified bs we create in spoiled societal nothingness.

Well... A country during war is mostly a bunch of bullshit too - "Let's forget how this country is fucking you over daily and pretend like we are a community who take care of each other." Normal, everyday life is focused on toughness and survival, sadly. People are in survival mode - literally - all the time. Every neighbour is a rival. Everyone is looking to take advantage of you. That's the thinking people carry around.

And my speculation was that these mini-anxieties are really premonitions of the major anxiety.

Janeway wrote:i can’t tell if you trusted the wrong person or let someone trust you

The first one.

Janeway wrote:either way, just focus on the next time you’re gonna get screwed, be like a sex zombie and think “ooorrrrrgggaaaasssmmm” and chase tail.

Haha, where did this come from? Anyway, good advice probably.

Janeway wrote:we exist for the greatest feeling in the world

Amen.
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Re: Post while you are depressed thread

Postby Janeway on Mon Feb 05, 2018 4:39 am

fuzzbob you got hit with a double whammy of a doozy and that’s a ton to have to live through at once. your wife’s passing give your step mom absolute no right to act like such an ass, there are ways to be alpha and helpful and they say when tradgedy strikes you see who folks really are by their actions. you don’t have to fold just because your dads with her, i know because my own mom acts the exact same asking me for money when im calling from a hospital bed telling her im dying, some folks are always going to be stupid in that special kinda way wanting to have power over others and there’s some situations where they need to just fuck off.

you can be kind but establish dominance like you’re training a dog, she’s your dads lapdog that’ll yap at you but dogs are meant to be submissive to us in order to be our best friends. set clear boundaries about where and when you do things, get ready every holiday and show up with a smile to see your dad and point out every strike as it happens, if she crosses the line 3 times you smile politely and say merry christmas and hug your dad goodbye and head out. tell them you’ll try again at the next holiday and hopefully she’ll let you stay longer next time. never engage in a fight but let them see you show up and she ruins it with alpha selfishness. the sting of your experience with your wife is something she has to live with. and keep meeting your dad for stuff she’s never join you for, ball games or golfing so it’s not just that you didn’t invite her to lunch but if she doesn’t like paint balling then that’s her fault for not joining you guys.

a friend of mine who was on the fence about his ex and all their history noticed it was her birthday friday night and sent her a Facebook generic happy birthday :) to let her know hey, have a good one, just sitting around remembered it was your special day and well wishes. and then she freaked out and sent all these screaming voicemails at him and he said he felt terrible but at least finally felt free to never speak to this girl again.

sometimes you can have that nice attitude about all the things in life touve been through together, esp with you understanding how hard it is to lose someone so close to you, but eventually the personality get revealed to be someone you shouldn’t have in your life. there’s a nice way of telling an ex you’d prefer they’d handled something differently, she should’ve been like “hey I noticed we’re not facebook friends is everything cool?” if she was a cool person worth being in your life, or at least have you a chance to explain it was a non thought on a situation you weren’t sureness how to handle. but after that response I’d say your unfriending was the right decision. cut all ties cause she doesn’t deserve your attention in life for hard events in the future seems like. plus with your alpha step mom situation you need someone supportive to stand by your side. you gotta be on the same team as the person you love, that’s why it’s called being partners, I’d they fight you how can you ever fight the world with the good guys?
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Re: Post while you are depressed thread

Postby MJongo on Mon Feb 05, 2018 9:34 pm

Mailed paperwork for a disability lawyer to help me apply for SSI benefits three months ago but never heard from them. I have major anxiety and stutter over the phone so I had to have help from a case worker from my therapist’s office to finally call them to find out where I was in the process. Turns out they never got my paperwork in the mail, and closed my case permanently because a year ago I had been referred to them and got halfway through the paperwork before getting overwhelmed with depression and anxiety, and they figured I just did the same thing again. I told them I mailed it and the person didn’t believe me. My case manager vouched for me (in fact, a different case manager actually helped me fill everything out and mail it three months ago) but they still wouldn’t reopen my case. I started to cry and stutter and in that moment, completely lost all control and attempted suicide by hitting my head as hard as I could repeatedly into a wall. It was a dumb way to try to kill oneself, but I had had enough of this planet and just wanted to leave it forever as fast as I could. Needless to say I failed. I managed to bloody and bruise myself up really badly. I feel like there is no coming back from this. I want my depression and anxiety to end. I want to get better. But I feel like no matter what progress I make, the world always decides to slap me back. I feel more hopeless than I’ve ever been before in my life. I’m admitting to a message board full of people I’ve never met how much of a fuckup I am.
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Re: Post while you are depressed thread

Postby kokorodoko on Tue Feb 06, 2018 2:50 am

You're not a fuckup MJongo, you are getting fucked up. I don't know why, but those who are hurting the most seem to get the worst treatment.

Even if you want to un-fuckup yourself the energy has to come from somewhere, yeah? And when things are like that, it doesn't.

Everytime the choice is made to continue rather than give up, there is tremendous strength. It doesn't feel like it, but there is.
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