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Attacked! by Anxiety!

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Re: Attacked! by Anxiety!

Postby Dave N. on Thu Sep 07, 2017 1:57 pm

bumble wrote: Does anyone else have recurrent intrusive memories of all the various times you fucked up? Man oh man.


Constantly. Always. I live in a hail of regret and grief over dumb and irrelevant exchanges with other humans. I'm still cringing over things I said or did in third grade, and I'm showing no signs of letting up. I want to kick the ass of the person or people who hardwired my brain this way, genetically or otherwise. Every now and then the storm breaks and I scramble to get things done, but for the most part, I'm in a constant state of hunkering.

Meditation and 5-HTP helps. One of these days, I'll give xanax a whirl.
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Re: Attacked! by Anxiety!

Postby first2letters on Thu Sep 07, 2017 2:50 pm

Dave N. wrote:
bumble wrote: Does anyone else have recurrent intrusive memories of all the various times you fucked up? Man oh man.


Constantly. Always. I live in a hail of regret and grief over dumb and irrelevant exchanges with other humans. I'm still cringing over things I said or did in third grade, and I'm showing no signs of letting up. I want to kick the ass of the person or people who hardwired my brain this way, genetically or otherwise. Every now and then the storm breaks and I scramble to get things done, but for the most part, I'm in a constant state of hunkering.

Meditation and 5-HTP helps. One of these days, I'll give xanax a whirl.


Man, hearing that I'm not the only one who feels this way helps. I've weathered panic attacks, mood swings, social phobia, and depersonalization, but regret is probably the worst symptom of my own hard-wiring.

I once owned a 7" (wish I could remember the band) that had the words "Remember how long you'll be dead" etched into its matrix -- I try to reflect on those words when the flight response kicks in or my executive functioning nose-dives. It helps to reset me, at least temporarily.

I second the use of meditation and 5-HTP, FWIW. Also been taking magnesium and Acetyl L-Carnitine as I try to wean myself off Paxil and its attendant weight gain/carb cravings/withdrawal symptoms -- which has been taking years, BTW, but I'm getting closer to not needing it.

This thread is its own sort of medicine, too.
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Re: Attacked! by Anxiety!

Postby mrcancelled on Sat Oct 07, 2017 9:23 pm

Last week I went to a doctor after having not been to one in a good while, and it was the first time I've ever addressed anxiety issues to one before. It was towards the end of a routine physical exam that I brought it up, and I'm going in for a follow-up in about a week to discuss medication.

At this point I've tried therapy, OTC drugs/nootropics, meditation, self-help books, etc. I also exercise quite a bit and I quit drinking towards the beginning of the year. Many of these things have been beneficial, but I still have this panic that just kind of blankets everything, especially around people and at work. I've avoided the idea of medication for a long time but now I'm feeling like it's time to give it a shot.

Anyhow, she mentioned Lexapro/SSRIs. Anyone have much experience with these, for anxiety?
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Re: Attacked! by Anxiety!

Postby Janeway on Sun Oct 08, 2017 4:49 am

at a little breakfast restaurant i noticed this fancy basket of muffins and rolls as a gift you could buy and I decided when the waitress came to the table I'd order it for my date as a surprise like it was a bottle of champagne, but when the waitress asked our order and he let me go first, they didn't understand, and the small town lady just thought i was nuts and i felt trapped like "oh god get me out of this moment" I just was blushing on top of blushing and looking at my friend who kept asking question and after question about muffins and baskets and my order and I was like "fast forward this part of life" I didn't think the waitress would ever leave or the questions would stop, it just kept getting worse. I just was stuck at the tiny table with the lady standing over me and the guy staring crazy at me like being interrogated by police and I just was like "oh never mind then" but they insisted on knowing and I just sat there mute and awkward in it til the lady walked away to give us more time and I just was quiet and the guy recommended I reorder something else. I think I just said "chocolate milk" at him and went to the bathroom to cry or something, I was in a daze, it just was the most overcoming experience I could t control and it felt horrible.

i have celiac disease but didn't know at the time and gluten kinda always fucks with your neurochemistry... drug and brain connection, psychopharmacology. my anxiety or panic attack or whatever you can call the embarrassed internal flip out about muffins was lucky for me to be an isolated incident. but I've always wondered how anxiety ... for those who have it recurrent, I'm wondering if they can pin point their first occurrence, ether it's been lifelong or sparked in childhood or during pueberty or formative years. I've reread through some of the random pages on here and it seems like, if there some kind of social coaching like in addition to medication or cbt, but like , if you can relive an anxiety moment ...

for me it's like dress rehearsal. I was never nervous on stage cause I'd use my nerves in my tummy as butterflies wanting to take flight and I figure your tummy is where you giggle and if you laugh really hard, even fake laughing hard, it's like doing sit ups to make the excited nerves of being on stage melt away. there's no way to have like, a rehearsal dinner of an anxiety attack that's hiding in a moment you haven't had to face yet, but I think a lot of folks don't realize you can do a post-rehearsal of a moment that sucked. like getting revenge on a moment. I can willingly decide to go back to the same restaurant and when the waitress bring the menu not even look at it an order the basket and when it's niagra falls questions flying at me I'll just continue to smile and say "because I'm hungry for muffins, that's who. go get my basket now please, I got places to be". and I'll prob overtip with a $20 bill because that's a whole other issue to deal with, but folks don't mind or ask too many questions when you give them too much money.

anyone with more than one incident ever, how can you keep up with all the behaviors of folks messin with you? it's okay to have anxiety, I just want us living in a world where folks can have a panic attack in a room same as an epileptic seizure where folks are aware and know how to help instead of making things worse by only offering medicine without understanding. doctors aren't the only ones who should be experts on such a social emotional reaction, since we're all on this island together folks. I hope at least when the attack subsides you guys have some kinda island rewards for yourself for getting through another crappy experience. good job, now go eat a burger on the beach like jimmy Buffett and have a mellow happy party, the jimmy buffettest
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Re: Attacked! by Anxiety!

Postby chrisc on Mon Oct 09, 2017 8:58 pm

bumble wrote:So hey! Does anyone else have recurrent intrusive memories of all the various times you fucked up? Man oh man. Remember that time you okay kind of honestly truly yelled at a fellow student back in the day because her research design was fucked up? Remember that? I sure do. And then it turns into a universal I'm A Terrible Person black hole of fun.


:smt006

I brought this up to my therapist a week or two ago. She told me to stop, take three breaths, then reframe. It seems helpful but I'm bad at it still. I had to google it to remember how just now. link
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Re: Attacked! by Anxiety!

Postby bishopdante on Mon Oct 16, 2017 6:47 pm

Our exploitative, unequal, materialistic and socioeconomically harsh society (globally) has been conducting itself in a viciously unethical and unscientific fashion for quite some time.

At what point are we going to wake up and smell the coffee? At what point are we going to recognise the destructive sociological force of prioritising MONEY MONEY MONEY.

The problem with psychosocial stress, we are discovering, is that it activates the microglia (brain's immune cells) to attack the brain, which becomes inflamed by stress. Chronic stress or anxiety is disastrous for mental health, and the modern type of stress is not narural, nor are we evolved for it.

This auto-immune response may be implicated in all manner of serious disorders, from schizophrenia to depression to alzheimers to parkinsons. Antibodies can strip cells of their receptors... pretty worrying. Best not to jam non-endogenous chemicals into receptors which may cause an immune response.

One of the contemporary problems is people getting anxious about being anxious. That doesn't help.

Adrenaline / cortisol is a matter of chemistry, and if you are drowning in a bath of the stuff, what you think is the result of that condition, not vice versa.

Stress, especially chronic stress... is seriously not good for a person. These days whether rich or poor... nearly everybody is stressed. In the UK we have reached a point where 70% of people's income is going on rent/mortgage (compared to 15% a few decades ago). That is insane, and if you miss a month you're pushed over the edge into socioeconomic free fall.

Another problem is dysregulation of the autonomic nervous system, or HPA (hypothalamic-pituitary-adrenal) system. Sleep deprivation combined with stress is particularly bad for producing this.

Skyrocketing heart rate, exploding chest / messed up breathing, muscle spasms, shaking hands & legs, and a terrifying mental state of confusion and free-floating fear, that can be diagnosed as a "panic attack", and thus trivialised. The truth is that these events can be quite dangerous, and are a sign of a medical-grade problem. It isn't "all in your head".

In the UK all of the metrics of serious stress are bleeping red lights and alarm bells. Suicide rates soaring, mental health helpline calls soaring, as we strip away the protections for all people, not just those who happen to be poor today - but that is the argument against safety nets, welfare measures, public facilities, - "scroungers". The idea is to create extreme economic pressure. Stop people from slacking. The problem is that creating a high-risk intolerant society massively escalates stress, aggression, alcoholism, drug abuse, and that has consequences.

Is the solution to the escalating stress more benzos, more SSRIs... is that the solution?

No way, I say.

Change the situation. The conditions, and conditioning. The situation for a *lot* of people is dicey. Socially. Economically. Medically.

We *really* need to do something about this. Not just as individuals, but as a society. A global society.

What I saw in Shenzhen China, "all work and no play" massive factory mill-town, with thick burning plastic air and the workers chewing methamphetamine to cram in the shifts... terrifying. Not right. Toxic.

https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC3621819/

________

If you are suffering from chronic stress or anxiety... the traditional solution was rest and recuperation. Take a holiday. Change the channel. Go see some friends. Go for a run. Go have a fight (in a dojo). Batter some drums (I like it).

Prescription drugs are not safer, or less drug-like because they are manufactured by a corporation.

Just look at Bayer corporation and heroin in the first half of the 20th century... or Purdue and oxycontin today. Big money. Not safe.

In the United States, methamphetamine hydrochloride, under the trade name Desoxyn, has been approved by the FDA for treating ADHD and obesity in both adults and children


^ that's meth.

That'll give a person anything from panic to psychosis to parkinson's.

______

Elvis was on prescription, on his way out of the building:

Dilaudid, Percodan, Placidyl, Dexedrine, Biphetamine, Tiunal, Desbutal, Escatrol, Amytal, Quaaludes, Carbrital, Seconal, Methadone and Ritalin.

(And a hefty doctor's bill).

Why? So he could cope with a completely farcical workload.

If you thought athletes had problems with (temporarily) performance-enhancing drugs... you haven't seen the performing arts done USA-style.

________

Definitely

*quit*
*the*
*drugs*.

They work in the short term, but what goes up must come down. Having a medicated and artificially insulated psyche and physiology results in exposing yourself to situations that a person would avoid sober.
Last edited by bishopdante on Wed Oct 18, 2017 8:13 pm, edited 1 time in total.
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Re: Attacked! by Anxiety!

Postby bishopdante on Tue Oct 17, 2017 9:35 pm

Another *very* interesting area to look at is the new understanding that neuroscientists are uncovering about mast cells and inflammation, those are implicated in *all sorts* of over-stimulation and excessive stress scenarios, and their chronic over-activation or atrophy can also be thought of as similar to asthma or eczema.

Mast cells are found all over the body as well as the brain.
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Re: Attacked! by Anxiety!

Postby jimmy spako on Wed Oct 18, 2017 10:02 am

Nobody needs your long-winded meta-analysis of shit they already know.
"The truth is that these events can be quite dangerous"...
"Stress is not good for a person"...
No shit.

Don't gum up threads meant to facilitate people sharing their direct experience with one another for the purpose of actually helping one another. Anecdotes (and not mindwank) or get the fuck out. Thank you!
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Re: Attacked! by Anxiety!

Postby Janeway on Wed Oct 18, 2017 10:24 am

hey thats a treasure for me youre one man trashin. it was a jumping point that lead into good neurological research so, lets not be afraid of expounding, its called scroll past.
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Re: Attacked! by Anxiety!

Postby bishopdante on Wed Oct 18, 2017 7:01 pm

jimmy spako wrote:Anecdotes (and not mindwank) or get the fuck out.


Just did 3 months up to my neck in the Grenfell fire fallout. That's my hometown & local area, and it was all hands on deck.

The government-run emergency relief was... virtually nonexistant. So lacking that within a week the local council were formally relieved of duty and other London boroughs had to form an impromptu committee called "gold command" to take over operation of the emergency services. Help was that absent / lackadaisical. The local council attempted to deny and sweep the thing under the carpet, then the chairman resigned. Shady. The "gold command" didn't do much of a better job. Escaped survivors in their underpants with no phones whisked off and scattered to remote and cheap hotel rooms all over London, hidden away and split up, and having to journey back to "the zone" to try to figure out what the hell is going on, and pick up various donated supplies.

The local residents had to scramble and try to organise what they could, and it was chaos on loop. Well-meaning traumatised chaos for the most part, but chaos.

A week later nobody knew how many lived or died. Central Government and local government keeping schtum. Theresa May tried to visit but had to be whisked off by security when it looked like it'd turn violent.

Really shocking on a lot of levels, and the fuckeries of the ultra-corrupt Tory council round here dates back to the '70s. Ladbroke Grove is getting weird, past 15 years the wealth gap has been getting bizarre.

Latest news announced yesterday is that 2/3 of the local police stations will be sold off?!

Not overly keen on sharing too much specific about exactly what I've been doing with various organisations and the Grenfell disaster, thanks. Nor would it be ethical, or legally advisable.

Knowing what I do about cybersurveillance etc, that under David Cameron Theresa May was overseeing the British mass-surveillance spying program of Snowden leak fame, and is now prime minister, and that every single emergency service now has access to ISP logs without a warrant...

In all honesty my state is currently a bit too freaked at the moment to be able to do accurate memory recall... meetings meetings demonstrations marches committees meetings... all chaos and confusion and heavy, heavy emotion, in-fighting and freak-outs galore. A week or two ago after stepping back from active duty I felt actually brain dead... nor am I in a position to make sense or of how psychologically toxic the situation has been.

Seeing freaked out people at each others' throats, meltdowns, people with axes to grind, hidden agendas, all sorts of shady wolves in sheep's garb, corporate charities absconding with the majority of the financial donations... and bearing in mind that a lot of the people in that building were refugees from various war zones, lots of them had various pre-existing mental health and/or drug problems, before being involved in this surreal disaster.

Every day I see this vertical blackened tomb stone looming as a grim reminder, visible for miles. A 220ft tall tomb. "How could that happen in the center of London in the 21st century?!". It shouldn't. We have known how to build high rise structires which doesn't totally self-immolate for quite some time.

Polyethylene burns with a similar combustion profile to candle wax. It's a smokeless fuel. As for polyisocyanurate insulation foam... that emits hydrogen cyanide. Very toxic black smoke. As for laying an exposed gas main down the only remaining stairwell... and bricking up the fire escapes to "prevent loitering"... death trap is the only way to describe it.

A mother trapped inside threw her four year old kid out of a 10th floor window. Amazingly a man caught it, like a rugby ball. The mum didn't make it out. Talk about early childhood trauma... what will become of that kid? Three kids survived by being thrown out of windows. Plenty died, as the missing posters stuck round the neighbourhood bear testament.

The whole thing, up front and in person, it's got so many layers that there isn't enough space in your mind to wrap your head round it. It overwhelms, and people freak out. I could not repeat some of the stuff I have witnessed.

As somebody with some architectural design and fire safety skills it's deadly disturbing, and very shocking, but not unthinkable. You name it, if it's a public service it's becoming *very* dangerous under the austeritories, con-dem-nation. Miser management and the banking bean counter aesthetic. It's deliberate. Class warfare. It's also short sighted - a positive future requires proper investment (and of course, a positive future for everybody hasn't been popular with elitists who are obsessed with hereditary privilege and the benefits of inequality).

Particularly the NHS is increasingly overloaded and under-resourced, especially the mental health bits. Past day or two it has been revealed that many NHS trusts are now meeting their 'performance targets' 0% of the time. Most of the staff are under medically dangerous levels of stress, you can see it.

So, um, pardon me for skirting round the deposition of direct anecdotes. It's part of the process of not traumatising myself further than I need to, and I don't want to wear out anybody's scroll wheel.

Thankfully my second debilitating bout of week-long adrenaline-comedown 'panic attacks', insomnia, cold sweats etc as a result of grenfell exposure has largely subsided, aided by quitting absolutely every non-food substance, and various forms of physical exercise.

My kidneys still feel like they have been beaten up.
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Re: Attacked! by Anxiety!

Postby jimmy spako on Thu Oct 19, 2017 2:29 pm

bishopdante wrote:So, um, pardon me for skirting round the deposition of direct anecdotes. It's part of the process of not traumatising myself further than I need to, and I don't want to wear out anybody's scroll wheel.

Thankfully my second debilitating bout of week-long adrenaline-comedown 'panic attacks', insomnia, cold sweats etc as a result of grenfell exposure has largely subsided, aided by quitting absolutely every non-food substance, and various forms of physical exercise.

My kidneys still feel like they have been beaten up.


No need to apologize. I'm sorry. And thanks for writing all that. Sometimes it is hard to tell who is coming from a place of abstraction and remove and who is down in it with the anonymity and all. Huge respect to you for doing what you're doing. I hope you have some kind of support in place where you are. And I hope that you will write more here if it helps to process any of that or just get it out, I really do. Best to you, bishopdante.
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Re: Attacked! by Anxiety!

Postby dontfeartheringo on Wed Jan 10, 2018 5:13 pm

Dave N. wrote:
bumble wrote: Does anyone else have recurrent intrusive memories of all the various times you fucked up? Man oh man.


Constantly. Always. I live in a hail of regret and grief over dumb and irrelevant exchanges with other humans. I'm still cringing over things I said or did in third grade, and I'm showing no signs of letting up. I want to kick the ass of the person or people who hardwired my brain this way, genetically or otherwise. Every now and then the storm breaks and I scramble to get things done, but for the most part, I'm in a constant state of hunkering.

Meditation and 5-HTP helps. One of these days, I'll give xanax a whirl.


Just read that getting less than eight hours of sleep shows some statistically significant increase in unbidden/unwanted thoughts.

I'm working with a friend on a Fast 15 things you can do in the middle of a panic/anxiety/desire for self harm attack.

This is a first draft. Your input is sought.

The Fast 15
1. Take ten deep breaths, as slowly and as deeply as you can. Imagine your heart slowing down.
2. If you are in private, say aloud "I'm ok. Things are going to be ok" even if you don't feel this way, just say it a couple of times.
3. Eat a handful of almonds or some other dense protein- a can of tuna, a boiled egg, even you are not hungry. Keep it simple.
4. Are you in direct physical danger? Yes? LEAVE and go to a safe place. No? OK. Say "I am safe" aloud. Say it again.
5. Make your bed.
6. Is it safe for you to walk in your neighborhood? If not, is there a park you can get to? Walk for half an hour, as fast as you can without feeling weird about it.
7. Evaluate your current caffeine/stimulant intake. How much coffee/tea/energy drink have you had? Allow yourself to consider that your fear might be artificially amplified. Cut back.
8. Drink water. At least as much water as you've had coffee or tea.
9. Take a bath.
10. Make a list of threats, write it down. Evaluate which are real and which are imagined. Take a giant black marker and strike through the imagined ones.
11. Start planning how to get help. In the US, mental health services can be hard to locate and pay for, but make this a priority. Fight for yourself.
12. Begin building your recovery community- who can you confide in? Contact them and let them know what's happening and ASK FOR HELP.
13. Go to bed early and get up in the morning. You may not get eight hours, but start trying to. Regular sleep and getting eight hours can be a magic bullet.
14. Cry if you need to. Don't judge yourself for feeling sadness.
15. Remind yourself that this will pass and you will survive it.
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Re: Attacked! by Anxiety!

Postby Facundo on Wed Jan 10, 2018 5:17 pm

Three Two One
One Two Three
What The Heck
Is Bothering Me?

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Re: Attacked! by Anxiety!

Postby dontfeartheringo on Wed Jan 10, 2018 5:18 pm

tmidgett wrote:John Bonham has no competition. Literally none.
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Re: Attacked! by Anxiety!

Postby Facundo on Wed Jan 10, 2018 5:37 pm

^ with another methodology they came to the same conclusion as the russians from the Russian Sleep Experiment Hoax from 1940.

During a psychotic break i stayed near ten days without sleep and without eating food, alone in a home in a village. I only smoked cigarettes and drank light coffee (not expresso) while being on a chair all the fucking day in day out, night in, night out. Although I do not sleep, I lay on a bed with a sheep wool mattress and I felt that noise of the few cars that passed by the road as if they passed over my body. My activities were none, as simple as carrying the head on the shoulders and the eyes open.

This is the kind of non-ordinary experience of consciousness I do not just do not recommend because there is loss of consciousness, after will not be as before.

At the day nine my mom come to the rescue and I was able to speak for the first time in all that time and i understood I need to take care of the self myself is.
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Re: Attacked! by Anxiety!

Postby jimmy spako on Wed Jan 10, 2018 6:26 pm

That is great, Ringo.

The big thing missing in my opinion is to try to talk to someone who you trust or who knows what you are experiencing, as soon as you can. It helps to blow your own cover as quickly as possible with someone who will just know, who will share the knowledge with you. They don't have to do anything at all. Saying it out loud is a decent way to defang it a bit, and of course to admit what is happening to yourself and try to observe what is going on. I found outing myself pre-emptively to employers and friends I trusted helped me to first off maybe have fewer attacks and secondly to have a point of reference to quickly communicate that I needed a break. Again, you will probably know who to trust, but it's worth taking a risk, you might be surprised at what you hear.

It's different for everybody, so your mileage may vary, but for me the first thing if possible is to speak up and say "I feel like I'm going to have a panic attack". It doesn't happen that often now, I don't have any full-blown ones these days, but it helps to alert my partner for instance that I am feeling off, on the edge of one, in particular on the way to social things.

Also, not trying to nitpick, but that long list would make me anxious!
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Re: Attacked! by Anxiety!

Postby rappard on Wed Jan 10, 2018 6:56 pm

dontfeartheringo wrote:This is a first draft. Your input is sought.


To wit:

The Fast 15 (Give or Take)
0. Don't try to adhere to everything on this list all at once, that would be the mental equivalent of a crash diet. Remember: "baby steps", "easy does it", [insert other similar cliche here]. Just cherry-pick the easier ones first, and work from there.
[...]
5.1 [corollary] Do not use your bed for activities other than sleep and erm ... well, you know.
7.1 [corollary] Limit yourself to around four cups a day. Nowadays caffeine-free coffee tastes as good as the real thing.
7.2 [corollary] Do not drink coffee after 3 PM or so. Feel free to adjust this bound if you're a night owl or morning person, or if work imposes night shifts or weird hours.
16. No screen time (TV, laptop, tablet, smartphone) at least one hour before bedtime.
17. Take up a "low-level" sport. E.g., running, cycling, swimming, walking your (neighbor's) dog.
18. Journal/write. Even the dumbest braindumps and doodles can feel cathartic at times.
19. Volunteer if you can spare the energy and time. While it may be a selfish reason, helping other people feels great.
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Re: Attacked! by Anxiety!

Postby dontfeartheringo on Wed Jan 10, 2018 9:05 pm

This is great input, friends. I will revise and annotate, have another revision up tomorrow.
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Re: Attacked! by Anxiety!

Postby bumble on Wed Jan 24, 2018 1:37 pm

Just adding some individual-level endorsements.

Fun fact: Journalling never worked for me, as I would just end up ranting/feeding the beast.

rappard wrote:
dontfeartheringo wrote:This is a first draft. Your input is sought.


...
7.1 [corollary] Limit yourself to around four cups a day. Nowadays caffeine-free coffee tastes as good as the real thing.
7.2 [corollary] Do not drink coffee after 3 PM or so. Feel free to adjust this bound if you're a night owl or morning person, or if work imposes night shifts or weird hours.
16. No screen time (TV, laptop, tablet, smartphone) at least one hour before bedtime.

+1. These things are like religion to me so that I can get to sleep.

17. Take up a "low-level" sport. E.g., running, cycling, swimming, walking your (neighbor's) dog.

+1.

19. Volunteer if you can spare the energy and time. While it may be a selfish reason, helping other people feels great.


+ 10. Getting outside of your own head is the very best thing.
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Humankind's Greatest Musical Genius
Humankind's Greatest Musical Genius
 
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Re: Attacked! by Anxiety!

Postby SkronkFronkerdale on Wed Jan 24, 2018 5:01 pm

Reading some of your guys' stories brings me to tears. From 11 to 25 I was in an absolute hell from panic anxiety and severe OCD. The last 5 certainly haven't been easy, but they've definitely been the best years of my life due to my medication. I was never very enthusiastic about going on meds, but suffering badly enough for long enough I stopped caring about that and would have done anything for relief, just pure desperation. Better meds than opiates or something, and I got lucky with my meds as I don't notice much at all side-effect wise. A few of my closest friends are currently suffering from anxiety and even OCD to some degree, and I'm really grateful now for my experiences cause it allows me to talk them through things and understand what they are going through. In the OCD cases it can feel like you must be the biggest freak in history. OCD and chronic anxiety is not something you can truly understand unless you've gone through it yourself.

What always helped me the most was finding something to focus on that was productive and forced my diverted attention for an extended period of time. Its easier said than done, but your subconscious needs to be tricked out of anxiety the same way it is, largely, tricked into it, via conscious behavior. It does a lot for your psyche and your depleted sense of self if you can find an upbuilding outlet of some kind. Also helped me, with the intrusive thoughts and spikes, to tell myself that I'd set aside time later to respond to them, and keep prolonging the "later". Gives time to build up strength, and also restores your sense of self somewhat because you have more and more aspects of daily life where you are not your OCD, intrusive thoughts, or anxiety. Eventually I would extend my "later" longer and longer until it faded more and more into the background, and I could cling more and more to the aspects of myself that were not my OCD, where I could feel like I was more than that awful thing. The more the anxiety subsides, the less power the thoughts will have over you when they are addressed. The terrible shame and humiliation was really hard for me, as it often seemed like my every waking moment was consumed by this ugly beast that was often completely absurd and irrational. Was a huge relief in my later teen years when I discovered that "OCD" is a thing, and that other people go through it. I was especially ashamed of my existence up til that discovery. Thinking of you all.
SkronkFronkerdale
pigmeat markham
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