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Mental Health and Stigma Killing Machine

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Re: Mental Health and Stigma Killing Machine

Postby Facundo on Mon Nov 20, 2017 5:23 pm

A year and four months ago, one of the best and smartest persona i've ever met committed suicid. She was only 19yo, also a beautiful girl. Sure that she's at the highest heaven.

Today a comrade commited suicide. He was only 27.

I remember him closing and opening his legs when he was sitting, bothering side effect of paliperidone i didn't had because for me caused parkinsonism. We were in the group of therapy we were forced to go after the forced hospital abduction. I remember chasing his nokia phone to spy in front of his eyes and start reading a gay chat he's having with anyone and saying him there's no trouble or worries on me about choosing that way. I am a snooper, you're normal. He was a creative man, good painter, bad and cheap emo listener, attracted to the dark side of the being, horror movies, wicca, shitty cults and searching for which is the pain. With two near death beatings by two different sexual partners, and posterior threats. Days ago i fantasized about if proving high levels of suffering in life gave bitcoins to exchange in money, to make the Dignity in poor regions... in a social experiment made by a billionary entrepreneur worried about karma which still does not exist...

Now only I can say he was a good man looking for the wrong path to find the heartless to differentiate to it.

Bu he was also a fool which obviated the possibility of being millionaire in my imaginary game.

RIP, my friend.
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Re: Mental Health and Stigma Killing Machine

Postby VaticanShotglass on Mon Jan 08, 2018 9:49 pm

Moving out of the apartment I've shared with my wife for six years at her request. It sucks. It was home more than anywhere. I don't have enough room in the borrowed minivan to fit anything but essentials.

Other than the packing, it's almost been a fun week hanging out with her again. It seems like everything is normal and good, but I think she is just in a good mood because I'm leaving.

She really put a lot on my depression and agoraphobia, which I know has been miserable to live with. She says things like, "you just never got better" and suggesting that the failing of our relationship is so much down to my mental health problems. I know that's not true. There were other problems, but she's really latched on to this issue. It's hard not let that assessment strike right into the center of my fears about myself and what I can or can't achieve. I've been couch surfing for a year or so. Im running pretty low lately. I make progress, but then things cave in. And her hammering on my health problems as the reason doesn't want to be with me (this separation is the hardest thing I've faced emotionally) just keeps fucking with me. I've been trying so hard for two years to get back on my feet after my break down and I just keep losing ground.

I know I should put her words into perspective and not let them get me all fucked up. I just feel so overwhelmed. My parents keep lying to people to cover up what is going on with me. My dad can't even comprehend depression as a thing.

I'm so tired now. I know I'm not making much sense anymore. I know it's a mess. I know no one wants to read this stuff. I should be better by now. I should be making progress. And so on.

No one has to respond to this. I don't respond to all these posts in these threads. It's raw stuff. I'm glad people share here, though. I need to go hit the sack. I hope something
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Re: Mental Health and Stigma Killing Machine

Postby Janeway on Tue Jan 09, 2018 6:05 am

hey, every day there’s grass growing and the sun shine annnotingly too hott or too bright and bunnies or squirrels... if you head over to these forest preserves it’s amazing how much your life is t the bullshit details current,y dragging you down. Just be you cause we like that guy here :) and everything else is whatever
Kayte wrote: i'm like, pour me a fucking synthohol bish.
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Re: Mental Health and Stigma Killing Machine

Postby VaticanShotglass on Tue Jan 09, 2018 1:12 pm

*sleepy thumbs up*
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Re: Mental Health and Stigma Killing Machine

Postby Pasta on Tue Jan 09, 2018 8:22 pm

I wish I could say it was easy.
Ninety Five Cents? FUCK YOU!!! I'LL SKATE TO THE BEACH.
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Re: Mental Health and Stigma Killing Machine

Postby Pasta on Wed Jan 10, 2018 3:34 pm

Pasta wrote:I wish I could say it was easy.


^posted as a reminder to post here.

Shared many of my struggles, esspecially since getting sick. Really feels like things are turnimg around. Great shrink, great job, regular meditation. Re-quit smoking weed, after a 2 month run. Was only smoking before bed, due to some pain and seizure a few weeks ago. Sleeping much more soundly, waking up in a much better mood. Exactly what I experienced about 12 years ago when I last quit. (Pretty sure weed and Lexapro do not get along.)

Not over thinking. Really calm. Been a while.
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Re: Mental Health and Stigma Killing Machine

Postby VaticanShotglass on Thu Jan 11, 2018 2:03 am

Pasta, that is great news and it's great to hear it! Simple victories/progress are beautiful things.
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Re: Mental Health and Stigma Killing Machine

Postby MJongo on Thu Jan 11, 2018 2:25 pm

Was getting better with my depression and anxiety, but that seems to have been short-lived. Last week I started having disorganized thoughts that keep me up at night. Just started a new job doing food delivery, but decided to make an emergency appointment with a psychiatrist because they are really, really bad and getting worse, even though it meant having to call off work due to the only time available being when I was scheduled. Two hours before the appointment they call and cancel, and tell me the only day available next week was another time I'm scheduled to work. I started to cry and stutter over the phone. I feel hopeless and powerless. I'm trying my best to take care of myself but I don't have enough time and money to do that. The only times I'm not depressed are when I'm with my girlfriend or other friends (unfortunately they all live about 40 miles away in Cleveland, and due to my health and financial situation there's really no way for me to move closer right now), or asleep (except when I'm having nightmares, which are almost every other day now). I've been practicing piano regularly, though, and actually notice improvement almost daily, but it's not making me happy like I thought it would. Things that used to interest me greatly like music and mathematics just don't anymore. The worst part is that in the moments I do get myself together, I see the news and wonder if there's even any point in trying when people like Trump are allowed so much power. Whenever I see articles treating him with the slightest ounce of respect or reverence because of his title I feel physically unwell. How anyone isn't depressed by default in this world is beyond me. Going to the ER this evening due to not being able to get seen by appointment.
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