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Post while you are not depressed thread

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Re: Post while you are not depressed thread

Postby rayword45 on Thu Aug 25, 2016 7:19 pm

Entering college stats:

2.62 High School GPA
37 Credits
3.91 College GPA (based on 10 credits)
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Re: Post while you are not depressed thread

Postby Janeway on Fri Aug 26, 2016 4:05 am

entering september stats:
couple beers over my limit have not been as enjoyable as the original 2 were
too dependent on vaporizing weed for digestion and mobility

white month.. i am ready
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Re: Post while you are not depressed thread

Postby Pasta on Sun Aug 28, 2016 10:02 am

Working on not internalizing other peoples pain.
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Re: Post while you are not depressed thread

Postby Janeway on Sun Aug 28, 2016 11:21 am

exiting the weekend stats:
2 days off weed
0 times i could stomach food
3 times i threw up
1 times i fainted

white month.. you're concept isn't for me. i was born to stoooone


oh and my new dealer a friend of mine's been going to for 15 years let me text him at 7am without even meeting me, brought the stuff over by 9am, handed it over and smiled and took off a mail person, and he gave me a whole o instead of just a quarter of an o!!
Kayte wrote: i'm like, pour me a fucking synthohol bish.
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Re: Post while you are not depressed thread

Postby Janeway on Sun Aug 28, 2016 11:33 am

^0 times i had to go back to the hospital after that second time
0 times i plan on going back to the hospital
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Re: Post while you are not depressed thread

Postby Janeway on Sun Aug 28, 2016 11:47 am

Janeway wrote:oh and my new dealer a friend of mine's been going to for 15 years let me text him at 7am without even meeting me, brought the stuff over by 9am, handed it over and smiled and took off a mail person, and he gave me a whole o instead of just a quarter of an o!!


oh and all he wanted was a lock of my hair :smt017




haha just kiddin guys, he very much wanted the hundred dollars i gave him.
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Re: Post while you are not depressed thread

Postby Janeway on Sun Aug 28, 2016 4:02 pm

^2 times I fainted ☺️
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Re: Post while you are not depressed thread

Postby Janeway on Fri Oct 14, 2016 3:30 am

the only way to not be a pawn in life is to get to the other side of the board and king yourself. we all start out like pawns, and to actually be able to make more than just one or two moves without fear is to keep making those risky moves.. its the only way to live freely across the board
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Re: Post while you are not depressed thread

Postby a. james on Mon Oct 17, 2016 12:42 am

it's like i woke up from 22years of someone else. all these leftover habits from some other guy are the only things i know how to do. i can smoke a lot of weed and drink a lot of booze without tipping off to others that i am very intoxicated and won't remember a goddamn note of it. i bothered to reach a level of personal satisfaction on four musical instruments, and some people say i write alright. lifting weights is something i enjoy to a strong degree (i hate what i did there), and idunno, 100% of my visible tattoos are very fine symbols for regret in the eyes of almost every a beholder.

there was an article i had read about depression; paraphrased, [it's a natural human response to depressing circumstances. (iirc, the rumination aspect is an attempt for the sufferer to solve the depressing issue.)]

i had figured the depressing circumstances to a beginning of my father losing his job, and my older brother now going to a different school, which after an abysmal eight grade year of playing dumb trying to get out of it, i went to, and hated every second of. really fucks up your idea of school and your feeling about people your age, so i put off college and started working, which sucked, as soon as i could i started drinking heavily and smoking weed as often as possible. adderal came in later as it helped me write music and figure songs out. this went on for years. shitty job after shitty job, bad relationships, bad friendships, i got nothing right but i liked good movies, good music, and good books.

after seven years of scrounging for everything i got a decent job and it afforded me every vice. i spent a solid three years smoking way too much weed, eating way too much adderal, and reading way too much carl jung, friederich nietzsche, and joseph cambell, that specifically with much supporting material in those realms of psychology, philosophy, and comparative mythology. with the psychology i was trying to find a solution to my own depression (the other subjects studied were just a misinterpreted idea of "peak fluid intelligence.") any problem with depression that i had before, i had completely exacerbated into a full blown psychosis and thought i was a really fucked up devil-jesus. 3 years of that on top of what had been only previously a 15yr bout of a usual background depression hum. it had been the influence of a million bad decisions, and featured occasional flare-ups involving suicide attempts and an inability to get from the floor for three days or so.

that whirlwind of psychosis and paranoia soon crashed into an unfortunate break-in where notebooks i kept in my speedy and heady existence were stolen. i drank before, but now i fucking drank. soon went the job, another relationship swooped in and i propped all crooked and wrong-like and drank and drank and drank. this too ended and i landed back home. me, a laundry basket, and a box of bullshit. i eked out another year of heavy drinking and i exhaustion set in and i just relented to my own existence. i thought "there's probably a long life ahead of me and i don't want it to be so shitty anymore."

my best options are to do what i'm good at. i play music everyday, i get regular exercise (i am stupid fucking strong right now), i try to write something down, and i try to be a better human than i'd been before; i go to work and do my fucking job, i don't run around, i don't be violent, i try not drink to excess, i fail, but i try.

the obnoxious thing is the rubble of a life this other man left. no education, knuckle tattoos, criminal record, at least one known actual fucking person who hates me in town and a few others suspected, no driver's license, a shoddy résumé; and from what i am able to remember, i'd really rather not. at least the 3 years of heavy drinking after the whole devil-jesus thing revealed i have a 3rd kidney. i read that autopsies of depression sufferers have revealed many of them to have swollen adrenal glands. i guess size doesn't matter so much if there's 3 of 'em. (two normal sized ones, and a half sized one on my right.)

we could have done worse, myself and i. we could have died, we could have killed another, we could have even more people hating us and even less in our lives. as it is i'm doing ok, i guess.

i found thinking less and doing more to be helpful. everything about depression just fucking sucks. if you're there, all those cliches: it's always after you leave the party the best shit happens, the devil you know, the only game in town...just fuck it. you got nowhere else to be and you fucking know it. no one somewhere else is waiting on you. whatever.
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Re: Post while you are not depressed thread

Postby NewDarkAge on Mon Oct 17, 2016 5:02 am

Took my last pill of my final prescription yesterday.

Nervous but excited.
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Re: Post while you are not depressed thread

Postby llllllllllllllllllllllll on Sun Oct 23, 2016 2:01 am

Janeway wrote:cleaning lord


This is great.
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Re: Post while you are not depressed thread

Postby smud on Mon Apr 24, 2017 12:13 pm

I think the key to happiness is finding a solid crew, committing yourself to creative ambitions, having enough financial stability to occasionally indulge your vices without worrying about keeping the heat on, and finding a good balance in better living through chemistry.
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Re: Post while you are not depressed thread

Postby Frank Decent on Tue May 30, 2017 2:27 pm

Man, sometimes you just wake up feeling good, and it feels kinda weird because you're used to waking up feeling different kinds of shitty. Definitely feeling good today. Got some chores done. Took care of myself. Now, how do I lock this down.
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Re: Post while you are not depressed thread

Postby sitwell on Tue May 30, 2017 2:47 pm

Frank Decent wrote:Man, sometimes you just wake up feeling good, and it feels kinda weird because you're used to waking up feeling different kinds of shitty. Definitely feeling good today. Got some chores done. Took care of myself. Now, how do I lock this down.

Small victories are huge, dude. Just keep 'em coming.
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Re: Post while you are not depressed thread

Postby kokorodoko on Sat Oct 21, 2017 2:28 pm

I am doing things I enjoy right now, and I notice that I have over the last few years cultivated and refined talents that now serve me well. I have gained myself a mind that can actually do some decent thinking, and enough foundational knowledge to construct from that I feel confident that I can somewhat begin to figure out what the fuck is going on here.

I am beginning to actually direct and take control over my life, allowing myself less to be crippled by indecisiveness, hopelessness and indolence.

I feel once again a sense of purpose, a sense of moving somewhere. What once looked impossible, now looks entirely possible.

A lot of petty shit I used to care about I care about less.
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