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Most bizarre/surreal moments of your life

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Most bizarre/surreal moments of your life

Postby Boombats on Wed Nov 22, 2017 1:23 am

A couple that make my top ten:

receiving a standing ovation while in court on felony charges

doing coke with a Thai gangster/restauranteur while a Mexican midget ex-cop cleaned a pistol that was pointed directly at me, loaded with supposedly poisoned bullets

I know there are more but those are the first that come to mind
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Re: Most bizarre/surreal moments of your life

Postby goatlord on Wed Nov 22, 2017 9:04 am

A couple of policemen doing coke on a bar full of policemen.

A guy with a reversed clown mask giving me tickets for a volleyball tournament after hearing me screaming "MOTORHEAD!".

A teacher telling me that he fucked a girl that I dated a couple of times (Not that weird, but don't know why, it seems weird now)

Someone taking a whole bottle of baby medicine and hallucinating after that, and having to take care of him.

Hallucinating after eating marihuana cookies, with the first hallucination being Doraemon coming towards me using a zip line, one doraemon after another.
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Re: Most bizarre/surreal moments of your life

Postby Major on Wed Nov 22, 2017 9:38 am

I know a guy that pulled an all-nighter with a few friends. Coked out of their minds, they realize it's 7:30 on a Wednesday morning, and the only thing that they need is alcohol, Greyhounds, specifically. So they go to the one place they know is open: the neighborhood gay bar.

The guy I know said the bar was pretty empty, as expected. Just him, his 2 buddies, the bartender, and a squirrely looking guy sitting by himself in the back. The guy and his friends put some money in the jukebox and shoot some pool. Pretty chill.

Then, the guy I know had to take a piss. He asks the bartender where the john is, he points to it, and the guy I know walks towards it. Out of the corner of his eye, the guy I know sees the little tweaker in the back jump up and start walking in the same direction. Whatever.

The guy I know stands in front of the long trough-style urinal, unzips, then in walks the little guy.

"So, uh, hey, will you piss on me?"

"Huh? What? No, I'm good."

"Pleeeeease?"

At this point, the guy I know says that the little dude climbed into the trough and started begging to be pissed on. "Please, just fucking piss on me. I want it. I'll pay you."

After pissboi handed the guy I know $20, the guy I know did the deed. When he was done, the pee guy said thank you, got out of the trough, and walked out of the bar. The guy I know washed his hands furiously, exited the restroom and bought his friends another round of Greyhounds. He told his friends what had happened, and they laughed, but did not believe him. The bartender chimes in to confirm, said that it's not as rare an occurrence as one may think.

That is one of the most bizarre/surreal moments of this guy-I-know's life.
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Re: Most bizarre/surreal moments of your life

Postby lumpenprole on Wed Nov 22, 2017 1:23 pm

This is a story I've told many times. I've had more fucked up moments by far, but this was one of the most genuinely surreal.

For a while in the early 2000s my wife worked at a used cd store on St Marks Place in NYC. There was a video game store across the street that had a pretty great collection of retro stuff. This was just about the time the Dreamcast was dying, but it was still a thing. There was this Dreamcast game called Seaman (that I didn't know about at the time) where there were these fish with human faces. Think Python's meaning of life. The gimmick was that you could hook a microphone to the Dreamcast controller and talk to them. Why? Who the fuck knows. But similar to Python, they had these fussy British accents.

Anyway there was this attractive young woman who worked there who had a German or at least Germanic accent. She sounded sort of Nico-esque. So one day I'm waiting to meet my wife after she's done with work and I wander in. Now, I see this woman looking at the screen, and the shop is otherwise completely empty. You have to imagine this dialogue with the accents:

German Lady: Arrrrre you happy?
British Fish: I don't understand what you're saying.
GL: Are you haaaaapppy?
BF: I don't understand what you're saying.
GL: Arrrre yoooouuu haaaapy?
BF: I don't understand what you're saying.

This may have gone on for five minutes or two days. I don't know. I felt like the world had slightly turned and I was on it's axis. Nothing looked right for days.
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Re: Most bizarre/surreal moments of your life

Postby Boombats on Wed Nov 22, 2017 1:57 pm

You sure it wasn't some Project Monarch subliminal trigger message? Have you performed sex acts for any politicians or businessmen since the event?
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Re: Most bizarre/surreal moments of your life

Postby Nico Adie on Wed Nov 22, 2017 2:12 pm

Watched a man ask to be (and subsequently was) urinated on in one of the busiest streets in Edinburgh. He seemed to enjoy it.
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Re: Most bizarre/surreal moments of your life

Postby Adam Sr on Wed Nov 22, 2017 2:51 pm

Thread putting the 'urea' in 'surreal.'
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Re: Most bizarre/surreal moments of your life

Postby lumpenprole on Wed Nov 22, 2017 3:04 pm

Boombats wrote:You sure it wasn't some Project Monarch subliminal trigger message? Have you performed sex acts for any politicians or businessmen since the event?


My wife owned her own business for seven years. Does that count?
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Re: Most bizarre/surreal moments of your life

Postby Madman Munt on Wed Nov 22, 2017 3:33 pm

Adam Sr wrote:'urea' in 'surreal.'


Wasn't this a song from NWONW turd-scrapers S*M*A*S*H?

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Re: Most bizarre/surreal moments of your life

Postby Adam Sr on Wed Nov 22, 2017 3:38 pm

Band pulling the turd out of the *.
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Re: Most bizarre/surreal moments of your life

Postby AdamN on Wed Nov 22, 2017 3:54 pm

Nico Adie wrote:Watched a man ask to be (and subsequently was) urinated on in one of the busiest streets in Edinburgh. He seemed to enjoy it.


That was just the President of the US visiting his mother's ancestral roots.
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Re: Most bizarre/surreal moments of your life

Postby Anthony Flack on Wed Nov 22, 2017 4:21 pm

lumpenprole wrote:There was this Dreamcast game called Seaman


Narrated by Leonard Nimoy, as himself. "Hello! I'm Leonard Nimoy" he would say as the game started. Ah, those were the days. I couldn't get Seaman to respond at all though; I suspect my Dreamcast microphone may have been broken.

Surreal moments? Gee... nothing like Boombats.

Well ok, here's a thing that happened back when I lived in Japan. I got called into my boss' boss' office at work for reasons unknown. Usually that would be because somebody is having trouble with their computer, but this time when I get there my boss' boss is propped up against her desk reeling drunk. She looks me up and down and slurs at me "you know, you have a really nice body."

ARRRGH I do not want this.

She goes to make a move towards me but instead she faceplants straight into the ground, BOOF. Then the office assistant comes rushing in saying I'm so sorry, I'm so sorry, and I get the hell out of there and go back to my class. Because it's 11am and this is all happening at school; this woman is the owner of a school.
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Re: Most bizarre/surreal moments of your life

Postby Major on Wed Nov 22, 2017 4:46 pm

Eating at an Italian restaurant in Kyoto. Tatami mats, waitress struggling to pronounce "spaghetti", and Bobby Brown's Greatest Hits on CD. Heard "On Our Own" from the original motion picture soundtrack to the film "Ghostbusters 2" twice. Still not 100% convinced this actually happened.
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Re: Most bizarre/surreal moments of your life

Postby Anthony Flack on Wed Nov 22, 2017 5:12 pm

I used to hear all kinds of incongruous music in shops and restaurants in Japan. What would be incongruous to us at least. Death metal in a convenience store? Sure, why not. And it can be all fuck and motherfuck, people in Japan are not bothered by English swears.
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Re: Most bizarre/surreal moments of your life

Postby Facundo on Wed Nov 22, 2017 6:51 pm

years ago i was reviewing the photos i did on a free afternoon in a city with many monuments while i was sitting on a table on the bar of the city's bus station. A woman around 40yo came to me calling me paparazzi and started to drink the coffee i ordered for me but didn't started to take, she started to talk about i need to photograph her and her life past an now and that's the moment i realized my hot coffee was now transparent. Miss magician had blonde hair, green eyes and english accent but spoke perfect spanish and she started telling me ibiza stories i don't cared about and then she started requesting me to photograph her nude. she showed me her silicone improved tits without any request from my part, and i had to ask him to put down the sweater like three times in the name of respect to me and the other people seeing her performance. she wanted to do sex with me but i had to decline her offer as times as she made because the only thing I wanted that time was having her ten or more meters far from me. I did not ask for another coffee or my money back. that accident made me question myself about my sexuality, and sometimes i think there's a single one possibility i would chose her for sex, human race extinct except her and me and she has money to pay me the coffe i ordered and she drank.
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Re: Most bizarre/surreal moments of your life

Postby numberthirty on Wed Nov 22, 2017 7:10 pm

As a kid, I'd watch Dr Who. on WTTW with my mom. It came on later on on Sunday nights. Watched the following as it happened...

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Needless to say, just the signal being hijacked was sort of a moment of uncomfortable realization. Let alone what they did once they hijacked it.

What with that kinky bit at the end, it hits me that my mom is in the room. I start preparing myself for what is no doubt going to be a pretty uncomfortable conversation with my mom.

To her credit, she wasn't even remotely phased. She just said "Randy, remember when we had the drug talk? That was why we had the drug talk."
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Re: Most bizarre/surreal moments of your life

Postby numberthirty on Wed Nov 22, 2017 7:22 pm

As a kid, my dad used to take my brother and I on motorcycle rides because my brother could fit on the seat before the gas tank started and I could fit on the back. This one time, we go out to take a ride around a partially finished subdivision. As we're riding through it, my dad notices a guy sitting in a fairly big mudhole. It came up about "Ribs"-high on the guy. The old man slowed the motorcycle down to a stop. I guess he thought the guy might need a hand.

About then, the guy stands up out of the mudhole to wave to us. When he does, it becomes obvious that he took all of his clothes off before getting into the mudhole. Upon seeing this, my dad says "Ok. Everybody hold on. It's time to go."

Around the corner from the house, my dad stops the motorcycle and says we need to have a talk about what just happened. He says that we probably shouldn't tell my mom because it would just worry her and we can't do anything about what has already happened.

As soon as he finishes saying that, my brother piped up with "Tell her. I not going to tell anybody! He was naked!" After I agreed that I was also probably never going to tell anyone, we went on home.
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Re: Most bizarre/surreal moments of your life

Postby numberthirty on Wed Nov 22, 2017 7:32 pm

Anthony Flack wrote:
lumpenprole wrote:There was this Dreamcast game called Seaman


Narrated by Leonard Nimoy, as himself. "Hello! I'm Leonard Nimoy" he would say as the game started. Ah, those were the days. I couldn't get Seaman to respond at all though; I suspect my Dreamcast microphone may have been broken.

Surreal moments? Gee... nothing like Boombats.

Well ok, here's a thing that happened back when I lived in Japan. I got called into my boss' boss' office at work for reasons unknown. Usually that would be because somebody is having trouble with their computer, but this time when I get there my boss' boss is propped up against her desk reeling drunk. She looks me up and down and slurs at me "you know, you have a really nice body."

ARRRGH I do not want this.

She goes to make a move towards me but instead she faceplants straight into the ground, BOOF. Then the office assistant comes rushing in saying I'm so sorry, I'm so sorry, and I get the hell out of there and go back to my class. Because it's 11am and this is all happening at school; this woman is the owner of a school.


Priceless.
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Re: Most bizarre/surreal moments of your life

Postby Seby on Wed Nov 22, 2017 9:53 pm

I worked the graveyard shift at Cafe Hernandez, a 24hr cafe in Kings Cross, Sydney's red light district, in the late 90's and early 00's. More stuff happened there than I can recount, Jesus you can imagine, but one conversation stands out because it was an afternoon shift, and the guy looked so normal.

Guy: Do you sell milkshakes?

Me: No, just iced coffees and iced chocolates.

Guy: No strawberry?

Me: No, just iced coffees and iced chocolates.

Guy: What flavour are your iced chocolates?

Me: o_O

[long pause as I take that in]

Me: Choochoolaaaaaaate....

Guy: Oh. *walks out*

Also:

-Shooting handguns with Scarlet Johansson in Amsterdam. She can handle a 1911 well enough.

-Breaking into and then getting trapped inside the old Stella brewery in Leuven after an all night bender (we found beer!). Kicking though a wall into the next warehouse only to find ourselves inside a police storage depot for stolen vehicles, and face to face with a police car. We made it out eventually but were stuck for well over twelve hours. At one point we gave up, lit a fire, and passed out.

-Running interviews at Oxford only to have one of the PPE candidates go mad as batshit in the interview room. At first we thought it was a language barrier thing. We were wrong.

-My friend Henry's last night as the leaseholder of the Gloc, a truly great metal bar in Oxford. Ten minutes before the end of the lease he announced, Tony Wilson style, that people may trash the place and take what want. So they did. All of it. In ten minutes the place was stripped bare. I've a pic of some tiny emo girls ripping the fan out of the ceiling. I still have the Addlestones tap...victory! Henry has since been rescued by the Scottish Coast Guard after attempting a rather inspired night time swim to Islay. He now owns land in Tanzania.

-Sleeping in a cardboard box in Antwerp.

-Dancing to New Order with Pervez Musharraf in London.

-Relatedly, dancing a very well rehearsed (if I may say so) Bollywood routine at a friends' wedding in Islamabad, whilst absolutely drunk as shit, inside a building surrounded by blast walls, sand bags, and belt-fed machine guns.

-Last year I was the official point of contact for a friend who was in Caritas, a very, very high security psychiatric ward at St Vincent's Hospital in Sydney. Total Terminator 2 behind-five-locked-doors deal. I was thinking to myself, how can someone be _this_ unwell, mentally speaking, and simply not notice it? It was around then that another patient (not my friend) came up to me and asked me how long I had been staying there. I said that I was not, and that I was a visitor. She laughed at me and said no no no, you're a patient here silly! For just the very briefest of moments, I had one of life's little Phillip K. Dick experiences. Also, my friend and I played guitar together in the High Dependency Unit, just outside the door of the seclusion room. That was pretty weird I guess. Things have not been going terribly well for this particular friend I am afraid to say.

-Igor Cavalera coming over to our place in Cronulla to jam in late '91. I was only just sixteen so this was a big fucking deal. The story of how this came about is just ridiculous, but surfing plays a large role. Barry, whose house it was actually, is now a member of the God Squad, a christian biker gang.

-My friend and I bullshitting our way into a fairly ritzy party at the Pan-Am Bar in Bahnhof Zoo Berlin. The Pan-Am Bar is a perfectly preserved cocktail bar at the top of a skyscraper built for Pan-Am employees in the 70's. I have no idea how we got there, or how we got in exactly, but coming to my senses inside the place was just astonishing. Apparently I was good with the man downstairs. Anyhow, I recall filling up wine glasses with white chocolate from the white chocolate fountain. They had a white chocolate fountain! Then my friend and I passed out on the S-Bahn platform. She is now a high-flying barrister here in Sydney, and I am not allowed to tell this story to her colleagues. We have a regular thing where we get terribly drunk on good whisky in her chambers, but we keep it real by smoking rollies in the underground carpark.

-Conversation with girl after a hideous advertising-people party at Liverpool Street in London. She had told me that she was moving to Portugal to study ancient pottery techniques, but her accent was thick, and I though that she has said ancient "poetry". Thus began the single strangest conversation of my life:

Me: Oh, so you do you read Ancient Greek? I hear that it is terribly hard.

Her: No not at all.

Me: Latin?

Her: No.

Me: Aramaic then?

Her: *looking at me very strangely now* No.

Me: But surely you must need to be familiar with an old language or two to do this?

Her: No, it is about touch. You must be good with your hands.

Me: What?!

This went on...but we worked it out eventually.
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Re: Most bizarre/surreal moments of your life

Postby eliya on Wed Nov 22, 2017 10:55 pm

Seby wrote:-Shooting handguns with Scarlet Johansson in Amsterdam. She can handle a 1911 well enough.


Yeah, you gotta elaborate on that. I mean, what?
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