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Divorce Advice?

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Re: Divorce Advice?

Postby Janeway on Tue Aug 08, 2017 5:55 am

^misery is comfortable and looks good in photographs, having to fight for freedom-even in a partners or emotional situation looks like being homeless and idk... just know it's okay for everything to be fucked up. like, that's fucked up dude, but it's cool. you don't have to apologize to beers at the grocery store for your life situation like, it doesn't sound stupid it sounds like a war when you're fighting to keep something together or alive and this is the next culmination in an ongoing extrmely-involved process, and it's okay to just own it and say "''this is my life", but just know a divorce is a car wreck you didn't see coming when you got everyone buckled in and left the lot with a "just married" sign, don't drive yourself crazy with trying to explain a crash or prevent mistakes in hindsight in your mind mulling it over too much.

i hope you can figure out a way to keep your cats or see them regularly because going through huge life stuff that sucks is only harder without your emotional support system animals there to be cuddly and love you unconditionally through it. get yourself a fuzzy stuffed animal to hug, im serious it's been working at every funeral ive gone to this year, and it's just nice to have something soft to squeeze

and know that everybody has a fucked up life and they're all lying when they make it appear as if it's only good all the time so screw em, and don't get all sorry for yourself either even though you're allowed to be sad, but it can always be worse. like your pal jane for example, who can't get divorced because she doesn't have a home to go back to as a crash landing pad, my mom and sisters actually tease me for my situation... last night at dinner they all laughed at the restaurant like "marry us instead! we miss you" and I'm like "please provide a home for me" and they're like hahahahaha and then I was like "more deer tequila please"

i had a free shot of casadores from the waiter who prob felt bad that my dinner was the free chips and salsa and the refried beans they accidentally put cheese on that my sister was allergic to that I asked if they'd just leave it at the table please. haha im broke as ass... meanwhile bill gates is siting on all that money just... wtf does bill gates do with that money? run on top of it on his treadmill and line is bathroom walls prob. whatever...he "earned" it in silicon valley and all that garbage :/ it's just... that's why nerds get bullied. um, redistribute your wealth you bill gates! save lives you dumb idiot nerd and be a super hero with your money like we all wish we could. ugh... fuckin nerds.

i can say that cause I'm a nerd and also i married one so, it's def not raciss. my nerd is cooler than bill gates though because he helped save my life when I was dying last year and also he lets me smoke a ton of weed just puff puff pufff like kaleesi and her magic dragons and that's been nice too. so even i could have it worse if i was stuck trying to get out of being married to bill gates or some other fate worse than death.

so good luck with your part of the journey on this road to ruin life we're all on. it can suck sometimes, but it still rocks 8)
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Re: Divorce Advice?

Postby Anthony Flack on Tue Aug 08, 2017 10:43 pm

VaticanShotglass wrote:I hate it all.


Yes. But in all likelihood things are going to get incrementally better and better for you from this point forwards. I did a divorce ten years ago, and it was a double whopper divorce with cheese. A terrible time, but in retrospect much better than the alternative. Your future is wide open! You will figure something out and it will take some work but it will be a new thing and better than the old thing. So, be sad, then get over it and launch your exciting new life. It will be good. It will be BETTER.

Bill Gates seems determined to do more good with his money than just about any other Silicon Valley asshole you could name, so I don't know why Janeway's picking on him, not now he's retired from Silicon Valley to work on his wealth redistribution full time. Sure he could just chuck a billion dollars at a homeless guy, but instead he's trying to eradicate polio worldwide, and giving mosquito nets to people in the third world.
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Re: Divorce Advice?

Postby Janeway on Wed Aug 09, 2017 6:57 am

^im waiting on this education program he's supposed to be funding to revolutionize how history is taught in american classrooms, but that's just because i personally think america needs education to be a top priority since ignorance is what gets trumps in the white house.

but you know im just dogging on bill gates because he's top dog, he's the most financially secure white american dream living in our country so however much he contributes to society sets a pace for other joneses and cardassians to keep up with so i going to bite at the heels of the folks that aren't moving fast enough cause folks are out there suffering and c'mon how big a house do you need? how many luxuries do we personally feel we've earned and deserve while our neighbors are stuck? in all of human history before owning land with paper and laws and before mcmansions and everybody needing to drive a car because ford can shell out that many...nobody thinks what to do with their success except how lightly to loosen their grip around their precious cash.

crabby about bill gates? cause a decade ago when i was still in high school bill gates still was top dog but whatever he was doing at the time nesting on all that money or whatevs it wasn't assisting president bush in developing our latest education flop "writing across the cirriculum" bs that did absolutely nothing for advancing public school children's opportunities but it kinda seemed like it was the first idea off the top of bushs head and they just mandated it and called it an education plan and moved on to the special needs budget to cut away some of that at the state level as well as extra ciriculural funding for public schools but that's getting even more local to the Chicago area im from. but bill gates doesn't know anything about that!

whatchu knows bout dat bill gates? why don't you cast a net of knowledge over the children of your country like you were peacockin around about, or run for president and make decisions to develop a nation better than a greedy businessman psycho, why don't you. answer the call of duty she's typin at you like crazy.
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Re: Divorce Advice?

Postby Janeway on Wed Aug 09, 2017 7:33 am

"according to a comprehensive survey 2006, approximately half of american institutes of higher learning have something that can be identified as a wac program "

no kidding. like we all didn't know that ish was wack
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Re: Divorce Advice?

Postby Janeway on Thu Sep 28, 2017 5:35 pm

8)
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Re: Divorce Advice?

Postby VaticanShotglass on Fri Sep 29, 2017 12:57 am

Hey guys, I just wanted to say thanks for the kind words.

I don't always get to visit this site these days. I don't always get to use the Internet or sleep indoors lately, but I should be able to start moving after next week. I don't have to sell or lose all my stuff. I can store most of my books and music at my family's house. I'll get to sleep in their garage for a couple of months while I try to save some money and do home repairs for them. There aren't many jobs in the area so they and I won't be able to afford the arrangement too long. I'm looking into options from there.

There is definitely a bright side to my situation. My life has grown to a disfunctianl halt. Change, even in the form of painful failures, is overdue. Clearly there is a dark side, but I'm trying not to dwell. I'm getting most of my sentimental possessions, but none of the expensive home making things like furniture. I get a little bit pissed when I think of how hard I worked to make a little home and a little family to be asked to walk away with none of it while she get to stay there like I never happened. But I also understand that none of it is worth the grief of worrying too much about. It wouldn't be the same anyway.

The cats are the hardest part. So I'm hugging them and loving them as much as I can while I can. Ten years and three states I've lived with those little beasts. It has been made utterly clear that I'd have to fight a volcano eruption to try (and fail) to claim them. Nor do I want to split them up or really have a home for them.

Other than that, there's some serenity to it lately. I might even get to livfe in Louisville for a few months next year. Who knows I might could find a job or something.

Stay well, folks.
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Re: Divorce Advice?

Postby MatthewK on Sat Sep 30, 2017 6:25 am

Well today I moved my essential stuff out of my family home and across the road to an apartment. What a weird day. And hey! I'm an academic too, but an older one.
For another data point - I felt like things were over and done about 5 years ago but with two daughters it seemed like I should just get over it and work it out. My wife had/has years of eating and habit related issues which have gradually crushed our relationship, and eventually I cracked and fell in love with someone else. I wish I had had the guts to get out when I knew I should, instead of letting it reach that point. Anyway - time to find out what happens next.
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Re: Divorce Advice?

Postby VaticanShotglass on Sat Sep 30, 2017 7:09 am

MatthewK wrote:Well today I moved my essential stuff out of my family home and across the road to an apartment. What a weird day. And hey! I'm an academic too, but an older one.
For another data point - I felt like things were over and done about 5 years ago but with two daughters it seemed like I should just get over it and work it out. My wife had/has years of eating and habit related issues which have gradually crushed our relationship, and eventually I cracked and fell in love with someone else. I wish I had had the guts to get out when I knew I should, instead of letting it reach that point. Anyway - time to find out what happens next.


Congrats on the apartment. That seems like a huge step to me. I hope it is a good one for you.

I guess I'm kinda lucky to have suggested that couple's therapy be a condition for my wife and I having kids. We wound up with neither. My oldest friend is finally hitting her stride after divorcing her ex a few years back. He was terrible about using their daughter as a way to fuck with her head. I could not have survived what she did.

Back to positivity: I can't imagine how the move must feel, but at least you're going forward. I'm hoping the best for you.
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Re: Divorce Advice?

Postby MatthewK on Sat Sep 30, 2017 3:12 pm

Thanks VS. Reaching the point of actually moving was agonisingly slow and felt like I was just being an asshole for the sake of it - although I had had an affair and my wife discovered it, she still wanted me to stay because the idea of not having me there was too upsetting. And I still love her but I really cannot live with her, it made me into something I hate and I was lonely and without hope. So I had to just grit my teeth and go through with it. A very emotional day of course, and who knows where from here, but I had a 2 hour email chat with my older daughter and it was fun and loving so I have some hope that we will be able to stay close. And I feel the first inklings of letting go the giant stress ball I had clutched to my chest.
Your path sounds like it’s still a hard one - but that maybe you see the road to things being better a little more clearly?
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Re: Divorce Advice?

Postby Janeway on Sat Sep 30, 2017 3:47 pm

keep harming me on my way out, my heart's already escaped
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8) #fuckingcoward
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Re: Divorce Advice?

Postby Janeway on Tue Oct 10, 2017 7:19 pm

amicable dance party!!!
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#unconsciousuncoupling
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Re: Divorce Advice?

Postby icing on Wed Oct 11, 2017 10:10 am

good bot.
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Re: Divorce Advice?

Postby Janeway on Thu Oct 12, 2017 10:32 pm

and just like that, boom, it becomes significantly inamicable again
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Re: Divorce Advice?

Postby VaticanShotglass on Tue Jan 02, 2018 12:48 am

So my brother came to Ohio with me to help me move out. We have minivan wth the back seats out. I get to take one load to the house in KY I'll be staying at and one load to m family's house for storage. Everything else I let go of. I'm going to miss this home we made. I'm going to miss this town. So much I'm going to miss. Thank god my brother is hear to keep me held together. Hunkering down on the pull out couch. Hope I can fall to sleep. Take care nice people.
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Re: Divorce Advice?

Postby Boombats on Tue Jan 02, 2018 1:04 am

Good luck VS, and I hope you can see the worst behind you soon.
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Re: Divorce Advice?

Postby MatthewK on Tue Jan 02, 2018 7:39 am

Take care VS - moved out myself 3 months ago. Sad times, hard times (I have 2 daughters) but better to come. Waking up without tension humming through my mind and latent anger ready to unload is pretty great, and feels a lot healthier.
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Re: Divorce Advice?

Postby jimmy spako on Tue Jan 02, 2018 8:45 am

Best to both of you.
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Re: Divorce Advice?

Postby VaticanShotglass on Tue Jan 02, 2018 8:53 am

Thanks so much, folks. Just trying to really push through this. Also, it is cold as fuck! Damn it cold this week.
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Re: Divorce Advice?

Postby VaticanShotglass on Wed Jan 03, 2018 9:58 pm

This has been harder than I thought. The little cats have been sweet like they have been the past ten years. Little Elliott wraps himself around my limbs and clings to me for naps like he used to. Leaving him is going to wreck me for a while. I just spent hours trying to find, sort and pack my stuff that has all been haphazardly shoved in my old office while I was with family. Pack, cry, nap. My wife and brother have been watching the latest Spider-Man movie and polishing off a bottle of wine this whole time. I just washed up to laughter and her making jokes about Dickensian protagonists. Now they are talking about video games. She has my parents adoring her still too. God I hope I finish packing tomorrow. She hopes she and I can still talk and catch up a few times a year. She also now locates all of our disfunction on me during the last few months we were together. This is some radical revisionism. To be clear, she does not want me back. She has been very clear. The sooner I can get out of here and have no need to interact with her, the better for my sanity. She is really acting like things are great while I'm laying despond in the other room.

Headphones and meditative breathing are my lifelines. And loyal kitty cats.
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