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Pizza. Yes, just Pizza.

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Do you like it?

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No, I'm tired of lying to the world!
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Total votes : 40

Re: Pizza. Yes, just Pizza.

Postby Seby on Sun Dec 15, 2019 9:33 pm

Get dog costumes wrote:FM Seby, it's a pleasure to read your correct usage of the term hipster, let alone your sympathy for our worldview.


Well, I do live here:

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Re: Pizza. Yes, just Pizza.

Postby joelb on Mon Feb 03, 2020 8:45 pm

I sit here waiting for my first attempt at a Pequod's-like pizza to emerge from my oven. Maybe it will be terrible, I hope not cause the kids have to eat something. But I can't get out for great pizza that often and I miss it. So tell me about pizza at home. I am interested in successful methods for:

Chicago-style tavern
Chicago and Detroit style pan
Neapolitan

How close to perfect can you get with a household oven? Please share technique, equipment, ingredients cause I'm 100% committed to figuring this out.
DrAwkward wrote:If SKID ROW likes them enough to take them on tour, they must have something going on, right?
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Re: Pizza. Yes, just Pizza.

Postby twelvepoint on Tue Feb 04, 2020 9:28 pm

My oven goes up to 550 and if I preheat a stone pretty well and prebake the crust a bit (before adding toppings) I can get the bottom nice and toasty without incinerating the toppings keeping it in too long. Been doing a sourdough crust because I’ve also been baking bread and sometimes it’s nice to use extra bread dough for pizza.

This would be for a somewhat Neapolitan style pizza. Probably borderline “hipster” but My audience includes a five year old who’s just not sure about the pear and arugula jazz, so I stay a little more pedestrian WRT toppings.
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Re: Pizza. Yes, just Pizza.

Postby iembalm on Wed Feb 05, 2020 2:02 pm

There was (still might be) a pizza place in Milwaukee off Oakland Avenue called Pizza Shuttle. In the days when The Onion was still only a regional print weekly, they ran a series of ads featuring "trading cards" of their employees. One of them was for one of the cooks, and his attributes included the following:

Rolls pizza with: left hand
Masturbates with: right hand


Great pizza, too, but I was more inclined to patronize them after that little nugget of fuck you than before.

****Edit: Yep, still there. And it's on Farwell, so maybe saying it was "off Oakland Avenue" was a little condescending to Farwell, but I did live on Oakland and it was 25 years ago, so, eh.
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Re: Pizza. Yes, just Pizza.

Postby DefinitelyNOTtheSWEDE on Sun Feb 09, 2020 10:44 pm

I don’t know what goes on in the Midwest, but I can say that it’s all pretty regrettable in the south. Chain places that are obviously bad by design, are one thing... at least they offer consistency. But I’ve found little solace in mom and pop places and even less in hippie establishments.

Now, I grew up in CT, on the edge of NY, and although we hold several titles owing to the ole New Haven ‘apizza’ standard (Pepe’s), pizza was defined, in my humble opinion, by the cheese.

It’s not a common barometer I hear much. You get a lot of talk about crust/sauce. Many, even the ‘tri-staters’ (NY/NJ/CT) don’t seem to rate cheese, at least not as consciously as I do... preferring the tail chase of crust significance, or the sauce debate to squabble over. Whatever. For my money, it’s the cheese...

The wrong cheese, (and I’m talking about the damnable part skim) is what 9 times out of 10 is what you are missing. When I was cutting my teeth, all local places were good, and basically it was simply because they used whole milk mozzarella, and tossed the damn dough about. If you have the proper oven, a red sauce at least of some desirable attributes, and a reasonable amount of proper cheese, you gonna come up aces. Seriously. Thicker crust? Bummer. Sauce is um, ‘weak sauce’, bummer again... but honestly, it’s overlook-able to some reasonable degree.

So what’s aces? To this bearded lady your looking at a nice “orange” haze, with proper cheese coverage. Don’t fuck it up by taking it out white, let it hang in there a bit. Now I’ll take it a lil burnt (a bit of a hat wobble to the Pepe’s brick oven style), but done is done. Don’t fuck that up. Under- done pizza will allow people the “its too saucy” verdict to throw at you. That’s your fault... if the cheese ain’t just starting to “separate” (ie get all greasy, proper like), the damn cheese ain’t gonna best the sauce for acidity/salty, and whammy, even grandmas classic recipe sauce done right is gonna come through too sweet.. shouting loudly over your sad, under flavored tasting mozzarella. And you may as well be eating Costco.

Part skim dries out when cooked up to code, and that’s the confusion. It’s flavorless gumminess is why toppings became important to people outside the pizza belts. A decent pile of pepperoni grease might help fool you out the oven, but it ain’t the same... cause say sausage and onion ain’t gonna go orange on you no matter how long it’s in there if you cheap cheesing. That slightly congealed grease is best when you can see the feint red/orange of the cheese.

No sir. No drip, drip onto ur paper plate soaking through to almost transparent when you fold the fucker, and the well earned sting of heartburn later, or it’s just cardboard. Proper pizza is probably better the next day, if like me you appreciate that kind of thing.

The places that skimped on whole milk cheese will tell you so the next morning, with it’s chewy crust of zero flavor and your sudden need to slosh it down with a full glass of water. Proper pizza in the morning has complexities you appreciate. And makes you doubly sad you had that extra slice you didn’t need last night, cause you fucked yourself out of a pretty good morning.

Proper pizza treat you right the next morning. And even if you don’t think so rationally, you do inside. It’s not making you too thirsty, cause that oil stayed in there, but now it’s solidified proper. In fact, dipshit, re-heating a good slice the next morning is a damn shame. You may correctly love hot pizza, but, reheating fucks up the delicate oil/cheese congeal ratio, and you are just chasing the high you are never gonna get back from last night. Learn to ignore the chill and shut the fuck up, cause you won before the fight even started.

A few other factors when rating-

Check the bottom- you see the impression left from some kind of pan, ridges? Fuck off. Pizza goes nude in the oven you bastard.

Size- 14” Da fuq? That’s the medium? Unless the guy behind the counter is making it special for your nephew on his birthday, you got played.


Does the bottom have that goddamned corn flower bullshit on it? Well, you eating hippie pizza/whole foods bullshit. Don’t care how farm to table or organic it is. It’s doughy and disappointing, like Jeff tweedy since 2005. You got a shitty slice. Take that goddamned big basil leaf and stuff it in your ear! Farm to trash can!

Never had proper deep dish, and Chicago being a proper regional food city with its own charm is not the enemy here, or maybe it is, I dunno. I never spent time with one, so whatever.

Fancy pants pizza, the kind aping the great new haven (or more appropriate actual Italian) pizza, with its charred crust, and pools of fresh mozzarella can be a revelation, fantastic even... but damn it, won’t un-ring the pizza bell going off in yer head, if you follow me here. It’s it’s own thing.

It’s disappointing how much I’ve thought about this since October. I can tell you.

Pizza is good though, over all. I’m not offended when it’s less than, only disappointed. It’s never been gross as far as I recall being served (though you small batch pricks better start thinking on that heavy Parmesan ratio you fucking around with, cause, son... it’s starting to come off a lil baby puke smelly, for serious).

I’m sorry, what was the question?
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