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warmowski wrote:Fire back, absolutely, always and forever no matter how much it blows Andy's mind.
RBoyer wrote:BusBus wrote:..."I can have just one"...
The most baneful thought of the alcoholic mind.
jbar wrote:It hasn't all been sunshine and La Croix
warmowski wrote:Fire back, absolutely, always and forever no matter how much it blows Andy's mind.
RSMurphy wrote:Everything I enjoy about metal: heavy, cool riffs, hooks, expressive vocals.
Marsupialized wrote:'It's very important for men in bands together to French kiss, every day, even if they don't feel like it'
RSMurphy wrote:I have gone through a considerable amount of time wondering where I should place my recent dalliance with relapsing. I've thought about the "Abstaining From Alcohol" thread in C/NC, the heroin thread, but they didn't feel right. At the start I should state that AA/12-Step don't work for me. It just doesn't. I don't consider myself different from anyone who suffers from this disorder/condition, but I know myself, and I know that the tools used in AA are tools that I find to be ineffective. While in the CMA program (Crystal Meth Anonymous) I began to explore other options, the most fitting being SMART Recovery. I have also never been to therapy a day in my life, more on that later. A little background:
In late January of 2018 I went into a 28-day program, and then a 3-month in-patient treatment program for an addiction to crystal meth. In June of 2018 I was put back into the world. I was an excellent client who was respectful to staff, other clients, and to some extent the Program. I attended meetings for about a month after I got out of treatment, but then stopped going. I've kept in touch with close friends that I've made, including my sponsor, dropped all of the 12-step ephemera, and set myself on navigating a new world. Recently I relapsed, and relapsed sorta hard. Not hard in the way where I was slamming balls into my vein, but the timing could not have been worse and I find myself starting over from scratch with everything. I have so many dear friends from EA who supported and loved on me hard during rehab, and though I know you are still in my corner, I can't help but to think I'm starting over in some abstract way with you as well.
I *know* I am bigger than this addiction to meth. I am fully aware that it is all wrapped and ensconced within my sexuality (for the record I don't need to be high to get down to business, but it would be a blatant lie if I ever said that I never think about slamming if I'm going to have sex. I think about it ALL THE TIME AND I THINK ABOUT SEX A LOT OF THE TIME) so for me, unfortunately, sex and slamming go hand-in-hand. Sex is natural, injecting chemicals into your body to release a seemingly endless supply of dopamine isn't. The reason why I bring up this dynamic is because it differs, I believe, from what alcoholics or opiate abusers go through. There was/is no detox for Crystal Meth, at least at the facility I first went into. I'm not blaming this relapse on the facility or the program, mind you. I'm a big boi and am responsible for my own mistakes and actions, but I am confused and angry about not...learning anything, I guess, except for in classes in the School of Hard Knocks. Which brings me to therapy. I know this would help immensely, but on the day that I was going into my first session I was still high and I just couldn't. At least I had the strength of mind to talk to my therapist, let him know what was going on, and to reschedule. And that leaves me typing on a keyboard to a bunch of people of who don't believe that In A Priest Driven Ambulance (With Silver Sunshine Stares) is a better record than Spiderland - and you don't need to fite me on that because I will beat your monkey ass.
So, yeah, I relapsed, I'm starting over in every way a person who relapses has to start over. That said, I have a job interview at a corporation tomorrow, and another interview at a not-for-profit on Tuesday. So fucking glad this relapse didn't fuck-up those opportunities for me. I know a lot of addicts who aren't nearly as lucky as I am.
Please excuse me if this wasn't the best place to post this, and please forgive me if I come across as dismissive as this is totally not my intent. Thanks for your attention.
RSMurphy wrote:Everything I enjoy about metal: heavy, cool riffs, hooks, expressive vocals.
Pasta wrote:Post Accute Withdrawal Symptoms are real, and Definitely suck. Seriously hard to concentrate, can't multitask at all right now.
RSMurphy wrote:Everything I enjoy about metal: heavy, cool riffs, hooks, expressive vocals.
Pasta wrote:Post Accute Withdrawal Symptoms are real, and Definitely suck. Seriously hard to concentrate, can't multitask at all right now.
warmowski wrote:Fire back, absolutely, always and forever no matter how much it blows Andy's mind.
jimmy two hands wrote:Jam econo for fuck's sake.
catwoman wrote:Pasta wrote:Post Accute Withdrawal Symptoms are real, and Definitely suck. Seriously hard to concentrate, can't multitask at all right now.
I'm at a point where I need to quit, but I'm really afraid of stopping cold turkey. I've used booze for "unwinding" after a long day, and to "help" me to fall asleep, but it's pretty clearly every night now that "I'll just have one more drink/shot/glass of wine, and THEN I'll go to bed!" that's gnawing at me as a good sign it's time to stop. I'm actually kinda scared about just STOPPING, which leads to the "I'll just have ONE glass of wine..." which leads to the "just one MORE"... How to break that cycle?
Withdrawal sounds like more than I can do.
RSMurphy wrote:Everything I enjoy about metal: heavy, cool riffs, hooks, expressive vocals.
Pasta wrote:
Medical detox is a very good decision, as was stated, you can die detoxing. Many people have siezure, I did, but am epileptic, due to my cancer, so that's not a shock. Some kind of medical supervision is important. Weening at home didn't work for me. I found the bottle, or beer saved for the next day. It may work for some, but, not all.
Good luck, and feel free to pm me with any questions. The forum has been a great source in this journey.
offal wrote:I just want to be able to play bitchin' single-stroke rolls before I die
andyman wrote:Going to a support meeting might not be the worst idea. You'll have people local to you that've likely been through what you're going through (plus way more), who can probably advise.
RSMurphy wrote:Everything I enjoy about metal: heavy, cool riffs, hooks, expressive vocals.
catwoman wrote:Pasta wrote:
Medical detox is a very good decision, as was stated, you can die detoxing. Many people have siezure, I did, but am epileptic, due to my cancer, so that's not a shock. Some kind of medical supervision is important. Weening at home didn't work for me. I found the bottle, or beer saved for the next day. It may work for some, but, not all.
Good luck, and feel free to pm me with any questions. The forum has been a great source in this journey.
Thanks, FM Pasta.
I am at least a bit mindful about what I consume, in terms of quantity. No drinking before 5PM! (Hah!) But, if I stay up til say, 1AM, I can put a bottle of red wine away, and think, "well, that's a long stretch (8 hours), so I'm not bingeing..." Or, I use my cocktail measured shotglass, so I know I'm using X ounces per drink, which gives me a personal metric. I suspect I'm not in the danger zone of cold turkey detox being too dangerous. But the "cutting back" strategy is working only minimally.
I REALLY don't want to bring this up with my Psych MD, because I'm afraid that instead of support, she's only going to begin monitoring my psych/anxiety/sleep meds in a way that will be negative and stressful.
I may PM you some day. Congrats on your 3+mo. of success.
Thanks.
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