Abstaining from alcohol.

[Boombats]

fuck yes

[tmidgett]

..."I can have just one"...

The most baneful thought of the alcoholic mind.

Question to ask after that thought..."Is there any chance I only _want_ just one?"

Ans: probably 0% chance you only want just one.

So there ya go.

[jbar]

Tomorrow is 8 months, but I'm going to post this today because I got a busy ass week.

8 months seems significant to celebrate because it's the longest amount of time I've gone sober since the last time I tried to give it up. It was very much a solitary attempt the first go round, and I never really found peace during that period.

Contrast with this attempt. When I gave up the hooch, I was mourning the loss of my grandmother and anticipating the imminent death of my uncle. I came to realize that a lot of the people I interacted with had no interest in my well being, that I absolutely despised my job, and that quite possibly a danger to myself and/or others. But I knew I was giving it up or giving myself up. So I reached out and talked about it. Here and elsewhere.

I posted my intentions to quit and was immediately dogpiled with PMs, inquiries, well wishes, etc. For someone who was a stranger to almost all of you, it was pretty humbling. I was in an emotionally unstable position and was/am/continue to be overwhelmed by the mad support from a lot of people. You all know who you are, and I cannot thank you enough. From the bottom of my heart, I apologize if I alarmed anyone.

A buddy of mine offered to take me in at the end of Christmas. His wife absolutely backed him up 100%. I quit a job I hated, got rid of a lot of shit, put the rest in a storage room, and hit the road to Seattle. I had to live with 2 very small versions of my oldest friend in the world. It was weird, awesome, and exceptionally slimy. Kids are slimy, y'all. I like to think I've become something of a sensation in the household, playing Buck Owens on guitar and always having a corner of my shirt to offer up for booger duty. Incredibly humbling to be reminded that someone likes me enough to put me up for almost half a year while I work on myself.

Having the chance to hit the reset button was crucial, and it helped me work out some of the concerns I had over quitting. Mainly, the social aspect. I went on a lot of first dates, awkward as hell, uncomfortable in my own skin because I couldn't suck a beer or three down before or during. I just had to be me. It took a lot of work (and a lot of awkward conversation) but I'm much more comfortable in my own skin now. It feels pretty amazing. I guess I'll never not be weird, and I still talk too much, but I have a much better grasp on what my personality is like fresh, and not from a can.

Special thanks to the Seattle PRF people. Brackets for the excellent show, the two shows by comedy troupe The Bismarck, and especially Chris Jury for regaling me with Godheadsilo stories, buying me noodles, and introducing me to the Formidable Tom Kipp and his giant record collection. I spoke to a lot more of you in passing or at a show, and all of you were awesome.

It hasn't all been sunshine and La Croix, but I feel like the positives aren't allowing me a lot of time or energy to focus on negativity. So fuck off, negativity.

For all of you struggling with anything or everything, I hope this place makes it easier. Trust me when I tell you that I believe in you, and I would do anything within my limited capabilities to help you if I can. It's the very least I can do, and believe me when I say people here will be fighting each other for the privilege to do the same.

Thank you PRF.

[Boombats]

It hasn't all been sunshine and La Croix

This should be on a t-shirt!

[Pasta]

"It hasn't all been sunshine and La Croix, but I feel like the positives aren't allowing me a lot of time or energy to focus on negativity. So fuck off, negativity."

Sums up my current resolve perfectly.

SALUD!

[Justin Foley]

J-Bar. Keep on it and congratulations for what you've done so far.

FWIW - the back of your sock, covering your Achilles tendon, is a great place to wipe the many fluids your hand will encounter when dealing with small kids. It's usually accessible with one hand, visible by almost no one and should be in the laundry pile at the end of the day anyway.

= Jusitn

[jbar]

Justin. Thank you for an invaluable tip.

[Mason]

[redacted]

[Angus Jung]

I have gone through a considerable amount of time wondering where I should place my recent dalliance with relapsing. I've thought about the "Abstaining From Alcohol" thread in C/NC, the heroin thread, but they didn't feel right. At the start I should state that AA/12-Step don't work for me. It just doesn't. I don't consider myself different from anyone who suffers from this disorder/condition, but I know myself, and I know that the tools used in AA are tools that I find to be ineffective. While in the CMA program (Crystal Meth Anonymous) I began to explore other options, the most fitting being SMART Recovery. I have also never been to therapy a day in my life, more on that later. A little background:

In late January of 2018 I went into a 28-day program, and then a 3-month in-patient treatment program for an addiction to crystal meth. In June of 2018 I was put back into the world. I was an excellent client who was respectful to staff, other clients, and to some extent the Program. I attended meetings for about a month after I got out of treatment, but then stopped going. I've kept in touch with close friends that I've made, including my sponsor, dropped all of the 12-step ephemera, and set myself on navigating a new world. Recently I relapsed, and relapsed sorta hard. Not hard in the way where I was slamming balls into my vein, but the timing could not have been worse and I find myself starting over from scratch with everything. I have so many dear friends from EA who supported and loved on me hard during rehab, and though I know you are still in my corner, I can't help but to think I'm starting over in some abstract way with you as well.

I *know* I am bigger than this addiction to meth. I am fully aware that it is all wrapped and ensconced within my sexuality (for the record I don't need to be high to get down to business, but it would be a blatant lie if I ever said that I never think about slamming if I'm going to have sex. I think about it ALL THE TIME AND I THINK ABOUT SEX A LOT OF THE TIME) so for me, unfortunately, sex and slamming go hand-in-hand. Sex is natural, injecting chemicals into your body to release a seemingly endless supply of dopamine isn't. The reason why I bring up this dynamic is because it differs, I believe, from what alcoholics or opiate abusers go through. There was/is no detox for Crystal Meth, at least at the facility I first went into. I'm not blaming this relapse on the facility or the program, mind you. I'm a big boi and am responsible for my own mistakes and actions, but I am confused and angry about not...learning anything, I guess, except for in classes in the School of Hard Knocks. Which brings me to therapy. I know this would help immensely, but on the day that I was going into my first session I was still high and I just couldn't. At least I had the strength of mind to talk to my therapist, let him know what was going on, and to reschedule. And that leaves me typing on a keyboard to a bunch of people of who don't believe that In A Priest Driven Ambulance (With Silver Sunshine Stares) is a better record than Spiderland - and you don't need to fite me on that because I will beat your monkey ass.

So, yeah, I relapsed, I'm starting over in every way a person who relapses has to start over. That said, I have a job interview at a corporation tomorrow, and another interview at a not-for-profit on Tuesday. So fucking glad this relapse didn't fuck-up those opportunities for me. I know a lot of addicts who aren't nearly as lucky as I am.

Please excuse me if this wasn't the best place to post this, and please forgive me if I come across as dismissive as this is totally not my intent. Thanks for your attention.

I'm working on upgrading the collection of the library where I work, and I just discovered the existence of this book. May be helpful. xo

[Pasta]

Post Accute Withdrawal Symptoms are real, and Definitely suck. Seriously hard to concentrate, can't multitask at all right now.

[jbar]

Post Accute Withdrawal Symptoms are real, and Definitely suck. Seriously hard to concentrate, can't multitask at all right now.

This is the part I struggled with most at the beginning. Took about 5 months to get over. Here's how I did it-

A can or bottle in my hand at pretty much all times. Root beer, la Croix, water. Didn't matter what it was so much that I just had something in hand. The mechanical component of sucking down something took the edge off and made it look like maybe I was just cold instead of nervously shaking because I was so wound up or maybe I had "The Shakes" idk.

Just having something on hand helped. Maybe that will help you, pasta.

Start being the weird guy who compares different root beer or sparkly water flavors. "La Croix is best from a can, the metallic taste is an important part of the flavor profile" "Barqs is great, a&w gives me the sugar shits, why yes I do need to share that with everyone I meet Carl, you unsupportive jizzcock." "Waterloo is the champagne of beers of sparkling water"

Regaining my focus was one of the most wonderful things post booze, and once your mind clears and you open up, wow.

You can do it!

[Pasta]

Thanks JBar. Fortunately, we were taught a lot about this in rehab. Coffee, food, and water are helping.

Sticking to my relapse prevention plan. Just got back from a meeting.

[catwoman]

Post Accute Withdrawal Symptoms are real, and Definitely suck. Seriously hard to concentrate, can't multitask at all right now.

I'm at a point where I need to quit, but I'm really afraid of stopping cold turkey. I've used booze for "unwinding" after a long day, and to "help" me to fall asleep, but it's pretty clearly every night now that "I'll just have one more drink/shot/glass of wine, and THEN I'll go to bed!" that's gnawing at me as a good sign it's time to stop. I'm actually kinda scared about just STOPPING, which leads to the "I'll just have ONE glass of wine..." which leads to the "just one MORE"... How to break that cycle?

Withdrawal sounds like more than I can do.

[Boombats]

Withdrawal is only bad if you drink a lot every day. I stopped cold and had no symptoms.

Abstinence is the only way to get control of one's drinking.

[ldopa_chicago]

General reminder: If you're physically dependent and drink enough, alcohol withdrawl can kill you. Talk to a doctor if you're not sure. I would not rely on any anecdotal suggestion. Some people need medical detox.

[Pasta]

Post Accute Withdrawal Symptoms are real, and Definitely suck. Seriously hard to concentrate, can't multitask at all right now.

I'm at a point where I need to quit, but I'm really afraid of stopping cold turkey. I've used booze for "unwinding" after a long day, and to "help" me to fall asleep, but it's pretty clearly every night now that "I'll just have one more drink/shot/glass of wine, and THEN I'll go to bed!" that's gnawing at me as a good sign it's time to stop. I'm actually kinda scared about just STOPPING, which leads to the "I'll just have ONE glass of wine..." which leads to the "just one MORE"... How to break that cycle?

Withdrawal sounds like more than I can do.

Medical detox is a very good decision, as was stated, you can die detoxing. Many people have siezure, I did, but am epileptic, due to my cancer, so that's not a shock. Some kind of medical supervision is important. Weening at home didn't work for me. I found the bottle, or beer saved for the next day. It may work for some, but, not all.

Good luck, and feel free to pm me with any questions. The forum has been a great source in this journey.

[catwoman]

Medical detox is a very good decision, as was stated, you can die detoxing. Many people have siezure, I did, but am epileptic, due to my cancer, so that's not a shock. Some kind of medical supervision is important. Weening at home didn't work for me. I found the bottle, or beer saved for the next day. It may work for some, but, not all.

Good luck, and feel free to pm me with any questions. The forum has been a great source in this journey.

Thanks, FM Pasta.

I am at least a bit mindful about what I consume, in terms of quantity. No drinking before 5PM! (Hah!) But, if I stay up til say, 1AM, I can put a bottle of red wine away, and think, "well, that's a long stretch (8 hours), so I'm not bingeing..." Or, I use my cocktail measured shotglass, so I know I'm using X ounces per drink, which gives me a personal metric. I suspect I'm not in the danger zone of cold turkey detox being too dangerous. But the "cutting back" strategy is working only minimally.

I REALLY don't want to bring this up with my Psych MD, because I'm afraid that instead of support, she's only going to begin monitoring my psych/anxiety/sleep meds in a way that will be negative and stressful.

I may PM you some day. Congrats on your 3+mo. of success.
Thanks.

[andyman]

Going to a support meeting might not be the worst idea. You'll have people local to you that've likely been through what you're going through (plus way more), who can probably advise.

[Pasta]

Going to a support meeting might not be the worst idea. You'll have people local to you that've likely been through what you're going through (plus way more), who can probably advise.

Yes

[Ike]

Medical detox is a very good decision, as was stated, you can die detoxing. Many people have siezure, I did, but am epileptic, due to my cancer, so that's not a shock. Some kind of medical supervision is important. Weening at home didn't work for me. I found the bottle, or beer saved for the next day. It may work for some, but, not all.

Good luck, and feel free to pm me with any questions. The forum has been a great source in this journey.

Thanks, FM Pasta.

I am at least a bit mindful about what I consume, in terms of quantity. No drinking before 5PM! (Hah!) But, if I stay up til say, 1AM, I can put a bottle of red wine away, and think, "well, that's a long stretch (8 hours), so I'm not bingeing..." Or, I use my cocktail measured shotglass, so I know I'm using X ounces per drink, which gives me a personal metric. I suspect I'm not in the danger zone of cold turkey detox being too dangerous. But the "cutting back" strategy is working only minimally.

I REALLY don't want to bring this up with my Psych MD, because I'm afraid that instead of support, she's only going to begin monitoring my psych/anxiety/sleep meds in a way that will be negative and stressful.

I may PM you some day. Congrats on your 3+mo. of success.
Thanks.

This is a long road ahead of you. I am pulling for you.

Please, please try not to mix psych/anxiety/sleep meds with booze.

Please.

In love, sincerely,
Ike