home studios equipment staff/friends booking/rates for sale forum contact

Hilarious Joke

Moderators: kerble, Electrical-Staff

Re: Hilarious Joke

Postby Anthony Flack on Tue May 22, 2018 3:04 pm

The last mathematician apologises and says "Sorry, I never touch alcohol myself. I'm asymtotal."
Anthony Flack
Present-day God
Present-day God
 
Posts: 9093
Joined: Fri Aug 03, 2012 12:27 am
Location: New Zealand

Re: Hilarious Joke

Postby Otto Parts on Wed Jun 13, 2018 8:35 pm

Image
User avatar
Otto Parts
julie from mod squad
julie from mod squad
 
Posts: 301
Joined: Tue Mar 19, 2013 7:29 am
Location: North Carolina

Re: Hilarious Joke

Postby travis k on Thu Jul 05, 2018 3:27 pm

What did the cannibal do after he dumped his girlfriend?
He wiped his ass.
User avatar
travis k
"kick a ginger day" victim
"kick a ginger day" victim
 
Posts: 1239
Joined: Tue Jul 01, 2014 10:45 pm
Location: Brooklyn, NY

Re: Hilarious Joke

Postby JohnnySomersett on Sun Jul 08, 2018 2:23 am

What time does Sean Connery arrive at Wimbledon?



Ten-ish
ERawk wrote:I'd rather have a hystorectomy, you fuckstick piece of shit.

My Band https://mopernoise.bandcamp.com/releases
High Fives Save Lives
User avatar
JohnnySomersett
not wearing any pants
not wearing any pants
 
Posts: 1313
Joined: Tue Jul 28, 2015 9:13 am
Location: UK

Re: Hilarious Joke

Postby Justin Foley on Sun Jul 08, 2018 10:53 am

JohnnySomersett wrote:What time does Sean Connery arrive at Wimbledon?



Ten-ish


Kerbeled.

= Justin

PS - Good joke, though.
Justin Foley
Leader with Extraordinary Personality
Leader with Extraordinary Personality
 
Posts: 2920
Joined: Fri Apr 29, 2011 1:16 pm
Location: NYC

Re: Hilarious Joke

Postby Janeway on Mon Jul 09, 2018 6:47 am

on the sidewalk there’s tons of chalk drawings of animals and hopscotch and somebody wrote “robert boned his dad” and it’s just right there on the sidewalk being hilarious.

if i find it again i’ll put a picture of it here.
Kayte wrote: i'm like, pour me a fucking synthohol bish.
User avatar
Janeway
World's Ideal Leader w/ VersatileTalents
World's Ideal Leader w/ VersatileTalents
 
Posts: 3824
Joined: Mon Oct 01, 2007 3:27 pm
Location: here

Re: Hilarious Joke

Postby jimmy two hands on Tue Jul 10, 2018 10:39 am

Three guys are out hiking up a mountain and the ground gives way and they all fall off a cliff and land on a ledge. It's a 500 foot drop and there's no way to climb back up, and the ledge starts to crumble, giving them only a few minutes before they drop to their death. One guy says, "there's an old legend about this mountain, that if you jump off the mountainside and say the name of an animal, you will turn into that animal. If we're going to fall anyway, we may as well try it." They all agree to try. The first man jumps and says "eagle!" and lo and behold, he turns into an eagle and flies away to safety. The second man jumps and says "condor!" and again, he turns into a condor and flies away to safety. The third man gets ready to jump but slips on some gravel and loses his footing and as he tips over the edge says "oh, shit!" and he turns into a poop and falls to the ground.

This was a really popular joke when I was in 1st grade.
banjo.comics.pigfuck.stoner metal.rock operas.

AudioTruth wrote:Everything I buy from other brands break after a couple years, this is because they are only interested in making money. I'm only interested in long-lasting eargasms.
User avatar
jimmy two hands
King Shit of Fuck Mountain
 
Posts: 14360
Joined: Tue Jan 24, 2006 10:20 pm
Location: Fortress Jimbotron

Re: Hilarious Joke

Postby Seby on Wed Jul 11, 2018 10:37 am

A friend just sent this to me:

Ralph and Edna were both patients in a mental hospital. One day while they were walking past the hospital swimming pool, Ralph suddenly jumped into the deep end. He sank to the bottom of the pool and stayed there. Edna promptly jumped in to save him. She swam to the bottom and pulled him out.

When the Head Nurse Director became aware of Edna's heroic act she immediately ordered her to be discharged from the hospital, as she now considered her to be mentally stable. When she went to tell Edna the news she said, “Edna, I have good news and bad news.

The good news is you’re being discharged since you were able to rationally respond to a crisis by jumping in and saving the life of the person you love. I have concluded that your act displays sound mindedness.

The bad news is Ralph hung himself in the bathroom with his bathrobe belt right after you saved him. I am so sorry, but he’s dead.”
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
Edna replied, “He didn’t hang himself, I put him there to dry. How soon can I go home?”
Seby
webelos
webelos
 
Posts: 805
Joined: Tue Jun 16, 2015 12:24 pm
Location: Sydney

Re: Hilarious Joke

Postby noise&light on Wed Jul 11, 2018 10:51 am

Oh my god. Horrifically funny.
There's no reason
To feel all the hard times
To lay down the hard lines
It's absolutely true
User avatar
noise&light
Greatest Man Who Ever Lived
Greatest Man Who Ever Lived
 
Posts: 8417
Joined: Wed Jul 27, 2005 12:47 am
Location: chicago

Re: Hilarious Joke

Postby Anthony Flack on Wed Jul 18, 2018 4:41 pm

Found this in the Guardian comments today:

Two Keynesian economists, John Maynard Keynes and Paul Krugman, were walking down the street one day when they passed two large piles of dog shit.

Keynes said to Krugman, "I'll pay you $20,000 to eat one of those piles of shit." Krugman agrees and chooses one of the piles and eats it. Keynes pays him his $20,000.

Then Krugman, feeling richer, says, "I'll pay you $20,000 to eat the other pile of shit." Keynes, feeling bad about the money he lost says okay, and eats the shit. Krugman pays him the $20,000.

They resume walking down the street.

After a while, Krugman says, "You know, I don't feel very good. We both have the same amount of money as when we started. The only difference is we've both eaten shit."

Keynes says: "Ah, but you're ignoring the fact that we've increased the GDP by $40,000."
Anthony Flack
Present-day God
Present-day God
 
Posts: 9093
Joined: Fri Aug 03, 2012 12:27 am
Location: New Zealand

Re: Hilarious Joke

Postby Twilight Sparkle on Wed Jul 18, 2018 10:12 pm

x_x
User avatar
Twilight Sparkle
penguinologist
penguinologist
 
Posts: 1802
Joined: Sun Aug 14, 2011 7:43 pm
Location: Los Angeles

Re: Hilarious Joke

Postby kokorodoko on Tue Jul 24, 2018 1:10 pm

Q: What was the name of the richest man in Rome?
A: Quintilion.
Janeway wrote:those cat-food-for-lunch-deserving motherfuckers 8)
User avatar
kokorodoko
alexander alekhine
alexander alekhine
 
Posts: 682
Joined: Thu Dec 09, 2010 12:46 pm
Location: The Ultra Zone

Re: Hilarious Joke

Postby stewie on Sun Jul 29, 2018 4:00 pm

A man stumbles upon a lamp and a genie pops out and offers him 3 wishes.

Man: “For my first wish I'd like to be rich."

Genie: “Alright Rich, what's your second wish".
User avatar
stewie
Heaven-Sent Hero
Heaven-Sent Hero
 
Posts: 6816
Joined: Thu Jul 03, 2003 10:43 am
Location: Near Boston

Previous

Return to General Discussion

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: Google [Bot], terekhova and 7 guests