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Post while you are depressed thread

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Re: Post while you are depressed thread

Postby Janeway on Mon May 29, 2017 8:34 pm

^^yeah thats bull we all deserve it all. don't let guilt or sorrow or whatevs confuse your uteri of self.
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Re: Post while you are depressed thread

Postby Angus Jung on Mon May 29, 2017 11:52 pm

It's best to do away with the entire dumb concept of "deserve" asap.
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Re: Post while you are depressed thread

Postby Janeway on Tue May 30, 2017 2:32 am

^deserve as in all human beings have good qualities and are worthy of rewarding, not the punishment aspect.

i say "deserve" as in what basic human rights can you expect for human beings, the basics yo, not " I deserve a fancy house". what should you want for every living being and if it's lacking, if you can pinpoint what you feel is missing you can stop blaming yourself for feeling blue and just logically see it as ...

it's good getting depressed folks to decide what aspects they define as "deserving"... they usually are stuck feeling undeserving so im trying to challenge that specific notion... can't just ignore entire concepts of human emotion, that's why nobody can solve racism cause they're all too afraid of each other noticing the differences not wanting to say anything, the ones that do are usually the hate speakers, and then no level of understanding gets reached.

i think all human beings deserve brains free of drepression, human happiness is what im getting at... i want depressed folks to recognize it. you better recognize fools.
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Re: Post while you are depressed thread

Postby Frank Decent on Tue May 30, 2017 9:21 am

Rayword45 I don't know what you're going through but I do know that thought and I hope you remember that thoughts are not necessarily true - they're just mental events. You're a human being and you deserve love and respect.

Catwoman: thanks for your input. I took my risperidone last night and today I feel completely different. No shakes. Body temperature seems better. I realize this is just anecdotal bullshit but it is coincidental. I have good reasons to wanna wean myself off of it but I must admit that the respiridone, in concert with the prozac has gone a long way in getting me to a more emotionally stable place.
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Re: Post while you are depressed thread

Postby Frank Decent on Tue May 30, 2017 9:21 am

Rayword45 I don't know what you're going through but I do know that thought and I hope you remember that thoughts are not necessarily true - they're just mental events. You're a human being and you deserve love and respect.

Catwoman: thanks for your input. I took my risperidone last night and today I feel completely different. No shakes. Body temperature seems better. I realize this is just anecdotal bullshit but it is coincidental. I have good reasons to wanna wean myself off of it but I must admit that the respiridone, in concert with the prozac has gone a long way in getting me to a more emotionally stable place.
Redline wrote:The dead bodies on your mattress and the rubber sheets in your wardrobe should dampen the early reflections.
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Re: Post while you are depressed thread

Postby rayword45 on Tue May 30, 2017 11:35 pm

I just feel alone. I have friends who care about me and a family that loves me, yet I still feel alone. I'm completely socially retarded. I've burned a lot of bridges over the years and some with people I'll have to see often. I want to repair those bridges, but people are stubborn (we both wronged each other, why can't they see it from the other side? Jesus fuck people). I'm jobless, lazing around without purpose, waiting for a goddamn callback and I don't even have the morale or energy to hit the gym. Anxiety strikes me hard at times and I can't form new relationships.

I just want to stop being socially retarded. I want depression and anxiety to get the hell out of my life. Most of all, I want to learn how to fucking focus, because my ADD riddled mind makes focusing on conversations impossible at times. What a combo of disorders. Meditation helps sometimes but I even lack the willpower to do that consistently.

I'm surprised how coherent this came out (I think) normally when Im drunk this would be a barrage of typos
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Re: Post while you are depressed thread

Postby matthew on Wed May 31, 2017 4:05 pm

Angus Jung wrote:It's best to do away with the entire dumb concept of "deserve" asap.


I'd agree, however there is one thing that chronically depressed people deserve- self-forgiveness.

I mean, how can one forgive others if they cannot forgive themselves?
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Re: Post while you are depressed thread

Postby kokorodoko on Wed May 31, 2017 4:34 pm

Give it a rest, AMWT.
Janeway wrote:those cat-food-for-lunch-deserving motherfuckers 8)
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Re: Post while you are depressed thread

Postby Pasta on Wed May 31, 2017 8:15 pm

A_Man_Who_Tries wrote:Answer Boombats, matthew.



what exactly does this add to the conversation?
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Re: Post while you are depressed thread

Postby Angus Jung on Thu Jun 01, 2017 5:21 pm

Angus Jung wrote:It's best to do away with the entire dumb concept of "deserve" asap.

To clarify:

Every living person deserves food, shelter, health care, and a decent living.

People don't get good or bad things in their lives because these things are 'deserved' by some arbitrary criteria that exists in their brains.
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Re: Post while you are depressed thread

Postby Frank Decent on Thu Jun 01, 2017 9:28 pm

Yesterday was the worst day I've had in at least 6 months. For the last couple weeks I've been trying to wean myself off of Risperidone by taking it every other day. Well, my brain and body didn't like that. Started getting night sweats, nausea, and some other crap. Finally it came to a head yesterday afternoon. I had gotten almost no sleep the night before and I know that played a part.
I got "stuck". Couldn't do anything. Didn't want to do anything. Couldn't get outta bed. Started having irrational thoughts. Started having dark thoughts. Sometimes I still have them but they've been way in the background, and I usually don't notice or get bothered by them. Suddenly I wanted to die. I kept fantasizing about how I'd do it. I started thinking about getting a knife and cutting myself, something I promised I'd never do again. At least we had a plan. Lisa checks in on me throughout the day. I told her I was stuck and that I wanted to die or go back to the hospital. Luckily, her boss let her come home and she was able to help me get straight and ride it out, with the help of Clonazepam.
So, I took the Risperidone last night and today I feel fine. Even went skateboarding. So, I guess I'm stuck with it.
Redline wrote:The dead bodies on your mattress and the rubber sheets in your wardrobe should dampen the early reflections.
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Re: Post while you are depressed thread

Postby noise&light on Thu Jun 01, 2017 11:29 pm

Why do you want to get off of Risperidone? Are there side effects that you don't like? Is there another drug that you could try that would be better? I remember an old friend was experimenting with different antidepressants (all with the help of a doctor). One seemed to numb him. Another made him positively obese. It took quite some time (couple years) but he finally found the drug that works best with his system. He has been doing great for ages!

I know very little about the drugs you mentioned so I'm not sure why you want to wean yourself off of them. It seems like it's really working for you. Can you try working with your doctor or another doctor to find what will work best for you? I know that it's easier said than done but the only other options seem to be instability.

Feel better, Chad! Find an emergency Instagram feed to help you get your mind off of terrible loops.
It's obviously not a permanent solution but sometimes it helps to stop the spiraling. Self-destructive mental habits are the worst.

Here are a couple to start you off:
Cat with eyebrows
https://www.instagram.com/samhaseyebrows/

Cross-eyed cat named Spangles
https://www.instagram.com/spangles09/

My friend's dog, Olaf. Oh, this dog!!
https://www.instagram.com/pendersen/

One-eyed chihuahua
https://www.instagram.com/yogurt_thepirate/

Cat and small child who loves him
http://www.gramfeed.com/makicocomo

David Bowie, if he was a cat
https://www.instagram.com/venustwofacecat/

<hugs>
There's no reason
To feel all the hard times
To lay down the hard lines
It's absolutely true
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Re: Post while you are depressed thread

Postby M.H on Fri Jun 02, 2017 5:37 am

Angus Jung wrote:
Angus Jung wrote:It's best to do away with the entire dumb concept of "deserve" asap.

To clarify:

Every living person deserves food, shelter, health care, and a decent living.

People don't get good or bad things in their lives because these things are 'deserved' by some arbitrary criteria that exists in their brains.


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Re: Post while you are depressed thread

Postby Frank Decent on Fri Jun 02, 2017 1:54 pm

Thanks for the advice and encouragement, folks. Yeah, the only reason I wanted off it because of the side effects. But I'm working on solutions to those. You're all correct of course.
Redline wrote:The dead bodies on your mattress and the rubber sheets in your wardrobe should dampen the early reflections.
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Re: Post while you are depressed thread

Postby Beetown on Tue Aug 08, 2017 1:24 am

1. An American girl who started talking to me on tinder that shared many of my same interests and was going to be in my city for 10 days had to bail a few days before she was set to leave. Even though I was nervous about the whole situation it really disappointed me

2. I have a strong crush on one of my best friends. One of her friends seems to have picked up on it and now I feel like I should tell her when I hang out with her next. I don't expect her to return the feelings and hope it doesn't damage the friendship

3. I haven't gotten laid or properly been with a girl since my last breakup a year ago. I missed an almost clear opportunity to kiss a girl I find really attractive last weekend out of nerves and self-doubt. This same girl brought me and the aforementioned friend I have a crush on back to her place a couple of months ago and seemed to want a threesome. My friend stopped her advances and was really drunk (and most likely didn't want anything to happen) so it's good that nothing happened. But it seems to indicate that she had that interest in me and I may have blown any chances by not seeming interested in her.

4. My work department (at a supermarket) shut down a few months ago, telling me they'll relocate me to stocking shelves at night. I haven't been given work in months and have contacted them lately half-heartedly.

5. I still haven't gotten my driver's license at 21. I have about 20 hours left to do (due to the 100 hour practice system in Australia) and it's frustrating me how little time my family has to help me with this.

6. I've finished my psychology degree but have no idea where to go from here.

7. All of this is making me incredibly frustrated and depressed. I've been sleeping horribly and have little to no energy during the day.

8. I've basically planned to engage in self-destructive behaviour to cope with these things. I'm planning on going out on the weekend and not turning down drugs and dangerous amounts of alcohol, which is dumb

9. I have trouble letting friends know the whole picture because some of it embarrasses me

10. I feel like a chump posting this stuff here but a lot of people here are really wise and I read this forum a whole lot


I don't know where to even start with this shit.
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Re: Post while you are depressed thread

Postby Janeway on Tue Aug 08, 2017 6:43 am

^some folks get happy childhoods and regular lives and don't find out life sucks until it starts to just get depressing in the post grad years with love and career woes and you know, it's just what we all go through at that age even with shitty childhoods, it's depression and terrible and i don't want to belittle how sucky it is, but don't do number 8. and get all self destructive and sorry for yourself in your depression cause what works for folks who are in extreme grieving situations like parents and widows is volunteering for those who's lives have always been tuburlence, the cure for depression is in the thankful eyes of someone's who's life is just such shit and always has been and they're thanking you with a heartbreaking powerful gaze while you're in the middle of rebuilding their habitat for humanity and you just be like giving them a c'est la vie look back like "hey life sucks for all of us, some of need homes, some of us build homes with our church for others. we're just folks eating the same picnic on the bench together at lunch time"

anyways... depression itself is a first world problem because when you're surviving you're running on pure adrenaline and don't even have time to reflect about how fucked it all is. but it can always be worse, no matter how bad your love life is or how unattractive you think you are, there's nothing anyone can say until they've been burned by fire or chemicals in acid terrorism by some psycho and had their face mutilated forever and the minimum of at least eleven surgeries to try to construct a face that has familiarity and identify yourself with a sudden new exterior and attempt to be seen not as a monster but just as a regular dude and hopefully even as attractive or a person to be loved if the eyes of the beholders in this country can pull the wool and kim kardashians lame ass off of it ... i mean jesus life is so fuckign hard for some folks, the parents ive met on the road to denver trying to get their kids some weed so their seizures go down from 47 daily occurrences to a mere handful... um, i couldn't even handle 1 seizure a day, let alone 5 and also the depression of just knowing when you wake up, that's every single day of your life...

society is the titanic, dividing us by class like we're all not on this sinking ship together, and first class is like yeah, rose was trying to commit suicide jumping off the boat but damn girl, use your pretty face to irish jig in third class and make folks happy instead. that's what life is, figure out what your gifts are and then go out and share them with the struggling folks. so beetown if youve got nowhere else to start, go ahead and get drunk like a below deck titanic party but be dancing and tom cruise from that underwear movie about it and just celebrate life cause you could use the party, not like caving to your depression and just destroying yourself, cause the world is already doing that for you and will gladly sell you the stuff to keep doing it and step back and let you just crush yourself, but don't do that. you just need to rock out and do things that make you happy and then you'll meet tons of chicks with your same interests and it will keep not working out until it does and you only need one so, love is just continuing to talk to folks. human beings are social creatures, we want to be getting together even when we don't know it, so just leave that on autopilot and then only deal with fly honeys that are worth the time. and in the meantime just party.
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Re: Post while you are depressed thread

Postby Beetown on Wed Aug 09, 2017 10:08 am

Thanks Janeway. Great post. I gotta get out of that self-pity - self-destruction cycle for sure and it actually gave me a lot of perspective. I'll try to just have fun this weekend and not obsess too much or at least not make any rash decisions. Being 21 is fucking weird.
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Re: Post while you are depressed thread

Postby Frank Decent on Thu Aug 10, 2017 3:17 pm

Yesterday was bad. I could feel the signs but I ignored it as I had shit to do. At the end of the day I was a mess. Totally spiralling into dark bad shit. Luckily I had Lisa to help me go through my mindfulness tools and ride out the wave instead pushing against it, which only makes it worse. Woke up feeling good and ready for the day. Love to you all.
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Re: Post while you are depressed thread

Postby Frank Decent on Thu Aug 10, 2017 3:17 pm

Yesterday was bad. I could feel the signs but I ignored it as I had shit to do. At the end of the day I was a mess. Totally spiralling into dark bad shit. Luckily I had Lisa to help me go through my mindfulness tools and ride out the wave instead pushing against it, which only makes it worse. Woke up feeling good and ready for the day. Love to you all.
Redline wrote:The dead bodies on your mattress and the rubber sheets in your wardrobe should dampen the early reflections.
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Re: Post while you are depressed thread

Postby jimmy spako on Thu Sep 21, 2017 5:55 am

Composer that I was somewhat friendly with, couple years younger than me, ended his life a couple weeks ago. We weren't close friends or anything, he was in a relationship with a friend of mine for quite some time, that's how I knew him. He made a point of coming to a couple shows and was really generous with his support, somebody who got it and was kind and warm. Like the taxi driver who would remember his friendly, interested fare I remember him for that, strange as that may sound. Most people aren't like that. I liked his music quite a bit. It feels like one of the shadow squad didn't make it out this time, I don't know, that's just how I feel, one of us didn't make it, succumbed, went under, and I am sad and probably scared. I'm not particularly anxious there days, not acutely, for which I am very grateful, but over the past half year it has hit home that this digging myself out of a hole every day and brooding on death whether I like it or not is not going to go away, probably ever. I know how to do that digging though and I am not alone fortunately. I feel like the savage beast music and such things were expressly made to tame too, you know what I mean? Lots of anger, rage even, for no really good reason.

Why do we say "to dig yourself out of a hole"? Maybe that is the problem.

If you're feeling at your limit, reach out best you can, including here.
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