What's your favorite punchline?

[Anthony Flack]

I don't even understand this criticism. You think it's sad that we're happy that Roy Moore handed Jeff Session's senate seat to a Democrat?

[bishopdante]

Zen master says to disciple: "what is the sound of one hand clapping?"

Disciple slaps the master in the face.

[numberthirty]

- For starters, you're going to need a new chicken.

[numberthirty]

Zen master says to disciple: "what is the sound of one hand clapping?"

Disciple slaps the master in the face.

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[jimmy two hands]

“I don’t have a Cadillac in my garage!”

“I can’t load sand into a dumptruck with a pitchfork!”

[Christopher]

"Hey kid, wanna buy some candy?"

[jimmy two hands]

So they don’t explode when you fuck them

[Janeway]

shut your donut hole haha

[first2letters]

“The light was on.”

Well, when Uncle Terry's been drinking -- you don't fuck with him.

An invaluable life lesson from Little Johnny

[Janeway]

it's hard out here for a pimp

mostly just to my parents when they ask me for cash for my mcdonalds or beer from the grocery store or wendys or beef sammiches or wine from trader joes. everything i order is under $5 so whenever they try to hit me up for that 5 bucks when they get home, i just feel around my pockets miming like im totally gonna give them cash but i sing "you know its haaard out here for a piiimp" and then my mom laughs and says "nevermind" and thats how i get cool stuff frommy folks. the end.

[seanurban]

That's not seafood, it's a red herring!

[travis k]

Yes I'm addicted to heroin and yes this dog is still alive. All I need is 1 dollar for dog food. Forever.