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Attacked! by Anxiety!

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Re: Attacked! by Anxiety!

Postby MJongo on Sat Jan 27, 2018 3:32 pm

Started taking piano lessons again and had a breakthrough where I thought I was gonna be stuck forever. That really helped my mood a ton.
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Re: Attacked! by Anxiety!

Postby Janeway on Sat Jan 27, 2018 4:25 pm

^fuckin fantastic :)

my ex husband found out at 40 that he has asd and his nurse mom cried about never noticing when he came out to her at dinner but she’s since Ben made to feel not guilty about not noticing, it’s mostly just like mozart and Jefferson and everyone cool in the history of humans must fall on the spectrum somewhere or you’re just average and boring.

i loves that family guy determined peter griffin to be technically considered to be austistic based on his general iq and the taking advantage of societal givens was too funny

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6E6pnJK_-Qc&app=desktop

haha that’s not how you special needs family guy.
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Re: Attacked! by Anxiety!

Postby Janeway on Thu Feb 01, 2018 6:58 am

hope this melts some anxiety for you guys

phpBB [media]


everytime i see this its my favorite thing ever :P
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Re: Attacked! by Anxiety!

Postby offal on Fri Feb 09, 2018 12:41 pm

Been feeling the pinch a lot more as of late. Just a reminder that this struggle is probably one that will always be there.

I am struck by the fact that after decades of working through various bouts of anxiety and depression, when the setbacks come, they roar back full-force. I have better coping mechanisms now, but the struggle remains very real.

Re: the notion of real. The irony here is fierce. Stressful life triggers are real. The fear itself is real. The sense of crushing, inevitable doom feels real. On the better days I can remain objective enough to remember that while perception feels like reality, not all of it is. Like phantom limb pain, but in your head. Literally and figuratively.

Trying to choose happy when I can, corny as it sounds. That can be its own full-time job.
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Re: Attacked! by Anxiety!

Postby Janeway on Fri Feb 09, 2018 7:34 pm

i wonder how many hours of volunteer time all you anxiety heads put in. sometimes being victims of your own circumstances is because you're in your own world, branch out like grieving young widows at 25 years old do, it cant change your brain chemistry whatsoever, but its the greatest gift you can give yourself, the most unlikely-seeming route to true happiness :smt006
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Re: Attacked! by Anxiety!

Postby Janeway on Fri Feb 09, 2018 7:37 pm

what i mean is, if you've ever considered volunteering, the next step is doing. there's hidden sources of happiness there that can help keep positive energy in your life.
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Re: Attacked! by Anxiety!

Postby matthew on Sat Feb 10, 2018 9:16 am

Janeway wrote:i wonder how many hours of volunteer time all you anxiety heads put in. sometimes being victims of your own circumstances is because you're in your own world.


what i mean is, if you've ever considered volunteering, the next step is doing. there's hidden sources of happiness there that can help keep positive energy in your life.


Yes indeed. This is a key part of the human aspect of overcoming anxiety.

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Re: Attacked! by Anxiety!

Postby Pasta on Thu Feb 15, 2018 3:17 pm

Been having some issues with my tremour as of late. About to head up for blood labs. Probably hypothyroid again. Been feeling anxious about another dosage change. Just don't want to go through a new round of side effects. That anxiety took up all of yesterdays therapy session.
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Re: Attacked! by Anxiety!

Postby goatlord on Thu Feb 15, 2018 3:21 pm

Realizing that I haven't really thought about my future in a normal adult way, and now I'll probably be fucked economically if I don't get my shit together, but getting my shit together just freezes me. I'm mortally afraid of fucking up (I haven't worked in a long time because I'm really afraid of going to work on something that it's way above my head!). Also, I'm doing a lot of free illustration work for "future payments" and I'm so sick of working this way. And my GF gently pushing me is not really helping, even though she has the best intentions, it just freezes me even more. How the fuck did I arrive to be 29 years old and still not a functioning human being, what the fuck is wrong with me.
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Re: Attacked! by Anxiety!

Postby kokorodoko on Thu Feb 15, 2018 4:37 pm

goatlord wrote:How the fuck did I arrive to be 29 years old and still not a functioning human being, what the fuck is wrong with me.

I used to ask myself the same question (right down to the age number). However:

Yesterday I started at my new work. The night before I was visited by a familiar feeling: A constricting grip around the chest, a feeling of being cornered, a desire to just run away.
I perfectly understood then why I was unemployed for so long.

So let's not be hard on ourselves.
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Re: Attacked! by Anxiety!

Postby llllllllllllllllllllllll on Sun May 20, 2018 3:03 pm

I’ve been working 80 hour weeks for about two months out of the year so far in +/- 30 day increments. I’m kind of a mess anyways, but this stuff always puts me over the top. I wish I could get out of the game but I don’t have a degree and I’m worried what will happen without the extra income. Working this much allows me a nice living, but maybe not enough to warrant the extra stress. I never made more than 30,000 a year until I started this job 4 years ago, right before I hit my 30s, and the sting of poverty from those times still hurts. So I went from that to nearly tripling my income, but at a huge cost.
Anyways, I’m married now and have someone else to worry about besides myself. She’s a straight up fucking angel from a great family. Super smart, and she’s working a really good job and finishing her doctorate at the same time. It’s mostly ok, I take over duties around the house when she’s in school, and she does the same when my schedule goes in the shitter, but more often lately we both find ourselves with an incredible workload at the same time, which puts more stress on us.
So - I’m just finishing up this project and am going to go back to a regular 40 hour schedule for another few months before the next one starts again. Back to the gym to work off the weight I gained from sitting at a desk for 12 hours a day, and I’ll back to a regular guitar practice schedule to try to reclaim my life a little bit.
This time I’m going to try to find a doctor to see while I can. My last attempt at this stuff was completely fucking miserable - I got on a heavy dose of Lexapro by a fucking family doctor, which was not good for me. Totally drove me nuts. I was a little less grumpy at times, but it kind of had the opposite effect it was supposed to. I kept taking it because I kept hearing that it was going to get worse before it got better, except it never got better and I couldn’t just stop taking it out of nowhere. So I’m going to have to be more careful about who I see this time.
I’m going to try therapy again, but I don’t see how I can dig myself out of this hole without some kind of medication. I’m beset by worries and intrusive thoughts constantly. Social situations outside of a very small group of friends I’ve had for years are incredibly trying, and I’ve got the typical addiction issues that often come into play with those sorts of symptoms. Before I was never sure if anxiety or depression was the culprit, but I’m old enough now to kind of see things a little clearer.
I’ve kind of accepted that I’m never going to be normal, but I’m tired of living like this, and I’m not going to wait until I’ve lost everything to pick up the pieces.
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Re: Attacked! by Anxiety!

Postby JohnnyDoglands on Sun May 20, 2018 4:15 pm

llllllllllllllllllllllll wrote:I wish I could get out of the game but I don’t have a degree and I’m worried what will happen without the extra income.


Bars, you don't have to commit yourself to three years of a degree, do you?

THE best thing I have ever done was go back to adult education college and get a computer qualification, was supposed to take a year, I did it in seven months. I was 38. There were plenty of people older than me there.

I should probably have mentioned that I kept doing a day job too for most of that.

I am absolutely flooded with job offers now, for a change. I'm still too sick to know which I should take, or if my health is telling me I'm not ready to go back to work yet.

It was just a simple Microsoft Office course, but it made a hell of a difference. I was putting out thousands of job applications and getting none back before that.

Getting 97-100% on everything was good for the ego, when I was feeling down about things. That cheered me up, even though I knew it was all well within my capability when I started. I just needed to get that piece of paper that said I was up to date with it all.

I don't know how much that will help with your situation, but I hope it will give you some ideas.

llllllllllllllllllllllll wrote: I’m beset by worries and intrusive thoughts constantly.


That, I have only suffered a little bit. I try to always tell myself that these thoughts are not necessarily telling me the truth. Sometimes they lie, and you have to say to yourself 'Out, Liar! I am not listening to you now'. It's hard, but that helps me.

llllllllllllllllllllllll wrote: Social situations outside of a very small group of friends I’ve had for years are incredibly trying, and I’ve got the typical addiction issues that often come into play with those sorts of symptoms. Before I was never sure if anxiety or depression was the culprit, but I’m old enough now to kind of see things a little clearer.


Now that IS something to be thankful for. That you (and I) will start to cope with this annoying anxiety thing better as we get older. You should be proud if you learned something. Especially if it's something you didn't know about yourself.
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Re: Attacked! by Anxiety!

Postby mrcancelled on Tue May 22, 2018 9:30 pm

llllllllllllllllllllllll wrote:I don’t see how I can dig myself out of this hole without some kind of medication.


llllllllllllllllllllllll wrote:I’ve kind of accepted that I’m never going to be normal, but I’m tired of living like this, and I’m not going to wait until I’ve lost everything to pick up the pieces.


I was in what sounds like a very similar boat as you for a long while. I'd been suffering from anxiety at least since my pre-teen years. I'd tried therapy, regular exercise, changing my diet, meditation, breathing exercises, supplements, and made life changes to avoid any of my anxious triggers. Really any alternative to medication, I had put time and effort into.

These things helped, absolutely, some more than others. But I still felt very unhealthy mentally. I ended up talking to a doctor that was recommended to me and hesitantly ended up trying an SSRI. It absolutely changed my life. I feel "normal". I knew anxiety was an issue of course, but looking back now I really see just how miserable I was. It affected my sleep, relationships, triggered addictions, and just generally made my life so much shittier.

Taking a pill every morning that magically makes my biggest problem much easier to deal with--on paper, this makes me just a tad ill-at-ease... and I'm always hesitant to recommend medication to people. But I truly believe that without medication, I wouldn't be able to function at 100%.

Anyway, what I'm getting at is that you've tried an SSRI that didn't work for you--unfortunately this is common and it can take trying out several different meds (all with potential side effects) in order to find the right one. And you have to give them each a couple of months to start taking full effect, unless of course the side effects are unbearable. Dosages can be something you may have to adjust too. This can be a grueling process for people, I was incredibly lucky in that the first one I tried worked well for me. But, if you're going the medication route, I can't stress enough to not give up. Doctors aren't really able to determine what SSRI/SNRIs will work on an individual level. But if you find one that clicks, I promise it will have all been worth it.

It's always been recommended to me to take meds in conjunction with therapy. A medication that works is one thing, but having a good therapist that can also help you change your thinking patterns will be most beneficial in the long run. Admittedly I've not started going back to therapy yet but you know what, shit, I'm going to start researching some tonight.

Good luck!
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Re: Attacked! by Anxiety!

Postby VaticanShotglass on Mon Aug 06, 2018 3:10 pm

Do we have an anger thread? This might should be in it, but this is closely related to my anxiety coping as well. Managing anxiety has been pretty effective recently save for something like today.

I lost my temper at an asshole mechanic today. I feel like garbage. This does not happen often. I might have a flash where I say some smart assed thing better left unsaid, but I don't often blow my top at someone. I have fumbling incoherent anxiety attack, but those are different. This guy was being a mega prick and maybe had it coming, but it was nothing that should have made *me* that hot headed. The guy kept dismissively talking over me and not taking me seriously. I raised my voice so that he would not drown me out. I did not move my hands or feet, though I may have leaned forward a bit. I noticed the change in tone in myself and the look of this real blowhard guy shrinking back a bit. My words were not threats. They were something like, "I have a real question, let me finish what I'm saying." I asked later and my dad said I looked like someone about to attack (I really wasn't). The guy then said he was about to have our asses out of the place. I completely sunk and very calmly insisted we only wanted questions answered. He continued being a jerk and claiming I ep was accusing him of lying (which I very carefully was not, he just would not listen to us).

Anyway, it all just felt rotten. I was trying to keep this guy from blowing smoke up our asses, is all. I just hate, hate that I went all aggressive like that. I'm not used to being threatening or intimidating. Most of my life I've been hammered about being laughably the opposite. I didn't like it. It doesn't feel good. It's rare but the times I feel the worst about have been times where I mouthed off or got too angry. Usually it is too awkward and anxious to come off as hostility, but there have been a few times it just was hostile. I just hate it. I hate how quick and easy it came on. I'm so tired of people talking over or dismissing me, but this is not the reaction I want to have. Folks have said much worse and been more and less threatening and I've handled them with calm wit and control. Where were those skills today. I was surprised. I still feel jittery and shit.
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Re: Attacked! by Anxiety!

Postby Janeway on Wed Aug 08, 2018 12:12 am

^don’t be too hard on yourself, im sorry you lost your temper and didn’t get to react the way you feel you deserve to represent yourself in society, but that guy was a prick sounds like, sometimes macho bullying only responds to getting loud and in their face, if the situation called for it that’s human nature and you ant bear yourself up too much about an instinctual reaction to use fighting words to get a guy to back off and stop talking over and demeaning you... his parent sprob talked to him the same way and that’s why he has such confidence to speak over you.

anyway you’re very empathetic to worry but I’m sure this guy hasn’t had anyone tbtought about it and if you truly k is you weren’t going to just fight him and incite violence, then all you were doing was getting confrontational, sometimes the adrenaline rush of that you just feel guilty as some kind a response afterwards but you didn’t just walk up to this guy with that attitude and throw a punch, it was a situation that got heated and you were the one that reacted because you were feeling provoked ...

it’s okay to know that sometimes you’ll lose your temper and sometimes there’s situations where you instinctively feel threatened by a persons verbal dismissive communication, the guy after all kept being a jerk and went on to punish you for roaring at him and make you feel bad by accusing you of lying, finding some way to put you down again


in your gut you know if a situation calls for an apology, it’s when you’d send someone a gift basket of flowers and cookies so even if you lose your temper don’t let this guy keep running all Over you after, he’s still going to be macho and annoying like a boy programmed to be that way, you only apologize to yourself for losing your temper at a prick being a predictable prick, it has nothing to do with you same as a computer recording speaking over you,

skills are great tools, i just wanted to point out if you mess up in life don’t give your opponent the win, don’t beat yourself up when he’ll gladly join in and trying to keep guilting you with lying accusations, he’s a bully not some kid selling lemonade.

id say after getting your nerves all worked up like that, go have a spa day and resdicover deep calm to re-relax. soothe yo self
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Re: Attacked! by Anxiety!

Postby VaticanShotglass on Wed Aug 08, 2018 11:45 pm

Thanks, Janeway. I think you sum up pretty well what I eventually concluded. I've just been a little shakey reintroducing seemingly mundane interactions back into my life after a few years of agoraphobia running the show. I guess things like this are gonna come up and I'll deal. I really have a distaste for aggression, so it feels gross to enact it as much as receive it.

The guy actually wound up apologizing to me later when I had to finish up business there. I made it mutual. Real prick, though.

Anyway, my version of a spa day was just blasting some Sleep and Earth albums in the garage. Good medicine!
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Re: Attacked! by Anxiety!

Postby Janeway on Thu Aug 09, 2018 6:58 am

^after being immobile for so long when i was dying i got used to being alone indoors and became more introvertive and agoraphobic for some reason, made no sense for someone outgoing to get so withdrawn

started like a game running like a little kid when the pizza man is here like “ ahhh hide it’s our pizza!” cause it’s exciting and the bells buzzing and he’s coming

but then through time it became like a fire drill, holy f it’s the pizza man get in the vault! the pizza man actually does become scary but it’s just from distance and lack of regular social communication

anyway once I was better id go out on my walks in the morning and noticed i preferred sunglasses and headphones like a shield, who was i so shy of? this world? eff this world, haha when you get shy it’s people like trump left talking saying all the wrong things


anyway i didn’t realize i was agoraphobic so much until I noticed being conscious of everyone around me... walking in the morning most folks are jogging or in a hurry for work so you can just enjoy your own walk but this one day i stopped to buy a water and when the girls at this small cafe rang me up i realized i forgot my wallet and i was so upset, i even cursed and i was like ... just had to leave with them standing there not helping or bei nice about it like “aw that sucks” or anything but frozen awkward nothingness that felt like hell

i was like, wtf was that? why am I crushed inside it’s just a bottle of dumb water haha and I laughed but omg! how withdrawn you can become indoors...

the happy ending to this is that if you keep socializing g it wears off, i dont mean to suggest if you have a medical disorder that I’m like here’s the cure, but in my case I’ve been by that cafe tons of times since then and it’s no big deal, just another place i buy water sometimes like any other and i couldn’t imagine myself going there now without money and doing anything but smiling and saying “whoops” and walking casually out the door.

these kind of social interactions are almost the best kind you can experience when getting g back out there, these situations that go unexpectedly sour are the most exhilarating afterward because you survived it, your adrenaline and awareness are up and you realize after that sometimes snags happen and you get through them like nbd. sounds like you’re well on your way to sailing through public :)
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Re: Attacked! by Anxiety!

Postby Gramsci on Thu Aug 09, 2018 11:42 am

jimmy spako wrote:
bishopdante wrote:So, um, pardon me for skirting round the deposition of direct anecdotes. It's part of the process of not traumatising myself further than I need to, and I don't want to wear out anybody's scroll wheel.

Thankfully my second debilitating bout of week-long adrenaline-comedown 'panic attacks', insomnia, cold sweats etc as a result of grenfell exposure has largely subsided, aided by quitting absolutely every non-food substance, and various forms of physical exercise.

My kidneys still feel like they have been beaten up.


No need to apologize. I'm sorry. And thanks for writing all that. Sometimes it is hard to tell who is coming from a place of abstraction and remove and who is down in it with the anonymity and all. Huge respect to you for doing what you're doing. I hope you have some kind of support in place where you are. And I hope that you will write more here if it helps to process any of that or just get it out, I really do. Best to you, bishopdante.


I went through a period of prolonged extreme stress last year while trying to finish post-grad, hold down my first serious position in a design studio, bringing up two small girls and trying to maintenance a functioning marriage. It basically resulted in low level PTSD according to my doctor.

I was getting very low anxiety trigger levels and still have it going on. My Fight-or-Flight would kick in over the smallest issues. The doctor put me on a three way, mediation, exercise and Beta Blocker mix that worked well. It makes sense, sort out your mental state, burn off physical stress and use the meds to give yourself a break when symptoms started kicking in. My problems aren't associated with underlying depression, so I can't speak to that but for straight-up anxiety attacks the programme I was on was effective and left me functional.
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Re: Attacked! by Anxiety!

Postby VaticanShotglass on Thu Aug 09, 2018 4:23 pm

@Janeway, what you describe is very familiar to me except that I've always been really introverted. The pizza man story speaks to me. I got that way with phone calls and email as any one of them could be a boss chewing me out for tongs that weren't my fault. No tigers or bears, just mundane stuff. But once your head puts the anxiety spin on it anything can wreck your day.

I guess I'm going to keep finding old social muscles I forgot I had. It's a good thing in the long run.
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Re: Attacked! by Anxiety!

Postby kenoki on Sun Aug 12, 2018 9:07 am

Didn’t think I’d read this thread again for but glad it’s here. Rough summer. Rocked by the sight and sounds of death. Thought I was handling it fine but think it may have been autopilot. Now that things are wrapping up I’ve got shoulder and back pain that won’t stop; end up focusing on it. I’ve got to start eating and sleeping regularly again. Thought I’d kicked anxiety in the head over a decade again — this has been a gentle reminder for me to stay mindful of what can happen when I become too comfortable with normal.
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