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Divorce Advice?

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Divorce Advice?

Postby Shawn on Mon Apr 04, 2005 2:33 am

Unfortunately in a situation where this needs to happen, and would love it if this process is as simple as downloading some forms, filling them out, and sending them in. I have no real idea though. My wife and I have sorted out all of the tough stuff on our own, just need to make it official. Everytime I run a Google search for forms, I get all of these damn companies that want to do it for me. Does anyone have any advice or leads where I can just take care of this myself. Thanks in advance.
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Postby Champion Rabbit on Mon Apr 04, 2005 4:20 am

Are you in the US or the UK?

In the UK (if that's where you are) you can buy packs from Tesco Supermarkets allowing you to divorce/make wills/etc...

Hope that helps, and sorry to hear of your unpleasant predicament.
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Postby goosman on Mon Apr 04, 2005 8:25 am

My experience (in the US) was that no, there wasn't a "fill in these forms and mail them in" kind of way. Although, I would have been on the receiving end, as I did not initiate the divorce. There appeared to be no way to avoid making a court date and one of us had to have a lawyer (I should have had one, she did, I got taken to the cleaners)

This was in the state of Michigan, so in other states YMMV.
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Postby tmidgett on Mon Apr 04, 2005 9:03 am

www.nolo.com

i have heard very good things about these guides

but have not used them myself

good luck
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Postby spoot on Mon Apr 04, 2005 9:41 am

A friend has been dealing with this lately. The laws are very different state-to-state. Many law firms have informative FAQs - if you google your state, something like maryland divorce faq, you should get good information.

Some no-contest divorces only require the use of a "mediator" - not necessarily a lawyer, just someone who helps hammer out the separation of kids & goods. Whether you can use a mediator may depend on where you live, I'm not sure.

As goosman made clear, if either one of you gets a lawyer, than you both should get lawyers.
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Postby stackmatic on Mon Apr 04, 2005 11:12 pm

edited
Last edited by stackmatic on Tue Apr 04, 2017 9:53 pm, edited 1 time in total.
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Postby Redline on Tue Apr 05, 2005 12:00 am

Get lawyers, seriously.

Ugh. Take care, everybody.
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Postby joshsolberg on Tue Apr 05, 2005 12:18 am

Spoot noted that the laws are very different from state to state. He is right, which likely makes any specific advice any of us could give worth very little to you. Redline suggested that you and your spouse get lawyers, unfortunately, he is right too, most likely. Even disregarding the potentially prickly legal issues, this will be the most emotional legal situation you will ever be involved in. Those emotions make it hard for you to objectively assess the effects the actions of a party will have on the interests of him/herself and the other party. Think about it like this: more family lawyers get shot by opposing parties than any other kind of lawyer, including criminal prosecutors (I'm not saying, of course, that either you or your spouse would engage in such rash behavior).
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Postby joshsolberg on Tue Apr 05, 2005 12:19 am

By the way, that'll be $150...
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Re: Divorce Advice?

Postby Mandroid2.0 on Thu May 16, 2013 3:44 am

I didn't think this was worth starting a new thread over, so I'm just going to post it here.

My divorce (I was married to a British citizen as an American citizen) is slated to be finalized at the start of June. It's been a very messy marriage and a terribly trying and stressful parting made even more difficult by my circumstances as a non-British citizen living in England. There are still quite a few details to work out involving when I have to return to the U.S., as my visa expires in July but I'm under doctors' care for a major arm surgery and sundry psychiatric issues, and thus may have to file for a visa extension on medical grounds in order to finish my physical therapy with my current surgical team and not be crippled for life.

Anyhow, the following is a drop the bucket compared to all the other stuff, but I've been thinking a bit lately about whether I should bother changing my surname back to my maiden name or just keep this one.

On one hand, the amount of paperwork that I would have to go through to change my name makes it seem not even worthwhile. I'd have to get a new passport, driver's license, my taxes would possibly be even messier than they are at the moment, my CV will become more confusing to employers back in the States, and my current name is a hell of a lot easier for people to spell/pronounce and allows for greater anonymity. I've enjoyed being able to give people my name without them looking at me as though I'm forcing them to spell in some alien language with characters fashioned from the souls of sacrificial human fetuses. It's nice to just be able to say, "it's R----, like the bird," rather than, "it's Miokdfaoranotrtouintitnvrieuytie, but it's pronounced 'Mioiwonforeoerigsrogisgsiodjgoij."

On the other hand, it's also the last name of a dude who caused me a great deal of emotional pain and played a large role in psychologically damaging me. While I don't currently associate my married name with the marriage, I am wondering how much I will eventually come to do so once things arrive at a more static point.

Does it seem unhealthy or weird to keep my current, married name after the divorce? The only reason it was changed in the first place was that it was advised that I do so in order to make the spousal visa more believable, so it's not as though I've ever considered it symbolic of some "unification of two souls" or me becoming one with his family or some shit like that. It was a convenient thing to provide additional evidence that our marriage was not a set-up to get me into the country in the same way that him getting me an engagement ring helped support the seriousness of our intentions and we submitted photos/receipts for said ring with the application.

If it were you, would you go through the hassle? Would it feel like you were shunning your real family to not go through the hassle and return to your given name? Would you think it was odd if, say, someone you were dating still had his or her married name after the divorce? What say you, PRF?
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Re: Divorce Advice?

Postby Speedie on Thu May 16, 2013 3:53 am

Mandroid Albinirazi has a nice ring.

Keep the bird name till it becomes a D*****ds name. Lets keep it simple, eh?
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Re: Divorce Advice?

Postby goatlord on Thu May 16, 2013 4:05 am

I have always thought that changing the surname of the woman was always a pretty fucked thing to do. Weirdly, it's something from the north part of the world, it doesn't happen in the southern parts (even in islamic countries (I think, I'm not sure)!)

If I was a woman, I'd change it. Even more if it belongs to a dude that you dislike, no matter how you came to dislike him. I think that the headache is worth it. That the bureaucracy in the UK it's such a hassel that it's not even feasible it's supremely fucked.
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Re: Divorce Advice?

Postby Mandroid2.0 on Thu May 16, 2013 4:13 am

My first husband took my last name. That got really awkward for me when people called me Mrs., since I felt like I was being mistaken for my mother. It was also surprising how many people assumed that there was some dark, abusive reason for it---like I'd forced him to do it because he was my submissive bitch.

I have considered just choosing a completely different surname if I'm going to go through the hassle, or at least changing the spelling of my maiden (Polish) surname so that the pronunciation and Americanized spelling match up.

Maybe we could have a PRF contest to give me a new last name.
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Re: Divorce Advice?

Postby goatlord on Thu May 16, 2013 4:16 am

You are not named Mandroid, right? Mandroid would be a fucking awesome last name.
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Re: Divorce Advice?

Postby Mandroid2.0 on Thu May 16, 2013 4:21 am

goatlord wrote:You are not named Mandroid, right? Mandroid would be a fucking awesome last name.

Amanda Mandroid?

Maybe I could just go with "Droid."
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Re: Divorce Advice?

Postby Ptommydski on Thu May 16, 2013 4:55 am

Hugankiss.
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Re: Divorce Advice?

Postby Speedie on Thu May 16, 2013 5:26 am

Ptommydski wrote:Hugankiss.


Nice.
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Re: Divorce Advice?

Postby Ptommydski on Thu May 16, 2013 5:47 am

Also, when I put "A Man To" into Google, autofill suggested A Man To Call My Own, which is a trashy historical romance novel.

After the sudden death of their father, Marian and Amanda Laton must leave their New England home and travel to their aunt's Texas ranch. It is a harrowing journey, but plain-looking Marian welcomes the challenge of their adventure, while beautiful Amanda complains at every turn. And when they need rescuing, cowboy Chad Kinkaid is the strong, sexy hero for the job. Amanda's beauty catches Chad's eye, but it is Marian's daring spirit and hidden passion that spark his desire for her -a sensual attraction that lands them in a romantic entanglement Marian is not prepare to handle. Tied to him by the fate of her aunt's ranch, Marian must face a proud cowboy who's determined to convince her - whether it means wooing her under the stars of the open range or following her back East- that she's the only woman for him...

So Amanda Callmyown is worth consideration too.
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Re: Divorce Advice?

Postby Speedie on Thu May 16, 2013 5:55 am

Mandroid Mandredrisnsejin.....

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Re: Divorce Advice?

Postby Tommy Alpha on Thu May 16, 2013 6:02 am

Amanda Carrymybags
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