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Post while you are depressed thread

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Re: Post while you are depressed thread

Postby Frank Decent on Tue May 30, 2017 9:21 am

Rayword45 I don't know what you're going through but I do know that thought and I hope you remember that thoughts are not necessarily true - they're just mental events. You're a human being and you deserve love and respect.

Catwoman: thanks for your input. I took my risperidone last night and today I feel completely different. No shakes. Body temperature seems better. I realize this is just anecdotal bullshit but it is coincidental. I have good reasons to wanna wean myself off of it but I must admit that the respiridone, in concert with the prozac has gone a long way in getting me to a more emotionally stable place.
TomWanderer wrote:I saw a band a few weeks ago that was very interesting, I was really into the music. I went to their merch table and they had a cassette, a t-shirt, and a book of poetry. I bought nothing.
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Re: Post while you are depressed thread

Postby rayword45 on Tue May 30, 2017 11:35 pm

I just feel alone. I have friends who care about me and a family that loves me, yet I still feel alone. I'm completely socially retarded. I've burned a lot of bridges over the years and some with people I'll have to see often. I want to repair those bridges, but people are stubborn (we both wronged each other, why can't they see it from the other side? Jesus fuck people). I'm jobless, lazing around without purpose, waiting for a goddamn callback and I don't even have the morale or energy to hit the gym. Anxiety strikes me hard at times and I can't form new relationships.

I just want to stop being socially retarded. I want depression and anxiety to get the hell out of my life. Most of all, I want to learn how to fucking focus, because my ADD riddled mind makes focusing on conversations impossible at times. What a combo of disorders. Meditation helps sometimes but I even lack the willpower to do that consistently.

I'm surprised how coherent this came out (I think) normally when Im drunk this would be a barrage of typos
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Re: Post while you are depressed thread

Postby matthew on Wed May 31, 2017 4:05 pm

Angus Jung wrote:It's best to do away with the entire dumb concept of "deserve" asap.


I'd agree, however there is one thing that chronically depressed people deserve- self-forgiveness.

I mean, how can one forgive others if they cannot forgive themselves?
...diesque nostros in tua pace disponas...
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Re: Post while you are depressed thread

Postby kokorodoko on Wed May 31, 2017 4:34 pm

Give it a rest, AMWT.
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Re: Post while you are depressed thread

Postby Pasta on Wed May 31, 2017 8:15 pm

A_Man_Who_Tries wrote:Answer Boombats, matthew.



what exactly does this add to the conversation?
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Re: Post while you are depressed thread

Postby Angus Jung on Thu Jun 01, 2017 5:21 pm

Angus Jung wrote:It's best to do away with the entire dumb concept of "deserve" asap.

To clarify:

Every living person deserves food, shelter, health care, and a decent living.

People don't get good or bad things in their lives because these things are 'deserved' by some arbitrary criteria that exists in their brains.
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Re: Post while you are depressed thread

Postby Frank Decent on Thu Jun 01, 2017 9:28 pm

Yesterday was the worst day I've had in at least 6 months. For the last couple weeks I've been trying to wean myself off of Risperidone by taking it every other day. Well, my brain and body didn't like that. Started getting night sweats, nausea, and some other crap. Finally it came to a head yesterday afternoon. I had gotten almost no sleep the night before and I know that played a part.
I got "stuck". Couldn't do anything. Didn't want to do anything. Couldn't get outta bed. Started having irrational thoughts. Started having dark thoughts. Sometimes I still have them but they've been way in the background, and I usually don't notice or get bothered by them. Suddenly I wanted to die. I kept fantasizing about how I'd do it. I started thinking about getting a knife and cutting myself, something I promised I'd never do again. At least we had a plan. Lisa checks in on me throughout the day. I told her I was stuck and that I wanted to die or go back to the hospital. Luckily, her boss let her come home and she was able to help me get straight and ride it out, with the help of Clonazepam.
So, I took the Risperidone last night and today I feel fine. Even went skateboarding. So, I guess I'm stuck with it.
TomWanderer wrote:I saw a band a few weeks ago that was very interesting, I was really into the music. I went to their merch table and they had a cassette, a t-shirt, and a book of poetry. I bought nothing.
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Re: Post while you are depressed thread

Postby noise&light on Thu Jun 01, 2017 11:29 pm

Why do you want to get off of Risperidone? Are there side effects that you don't like? Is there another drug that you could try that would be better? I remember an old friend was experimenting with different antidepressants (all with the help of a doctor). One seemed to numb him. Another made him positively obese. It took quite some time (couple years) but he finally found the drug that works best with his system. He has been doing great for ages!

I know very little about the drugs you mentioned so I'm not sure why you want to wean yourself off of them. It seems like it's really working for you. Can you try working with your doctor or another doctor to find what will work best for you? I know that it's easier said than done but the only other options seem to be instability.

Feel better, Chad! Find an emergency Instagram feed to help you get your mind off of terrible loops.
It's obviously not a permanent solution but sometimes it helps to stop the spiraling. Self-destructive mental habits are the worst.

Here are a couple to start you off:
Cat with eyebrows
https://www.instagram.com/samhaseyebrows/

Cross-eyed cat named Spangles
https://www.instagram.com/spangles09/

My friend's dog, Olaf. Oh, this dog!!
https://www.instagram.com/pendersen/

One-eyed chihuahua
https://www.instagram.com/yogurt_thepirate/

Cat and small child who loves him
http://www.gramfeed.com/makicocomo

David Bowie, if he was a cat
https://www.instagram.com/venustwofacecat/

<hugs>
There's no reason
To feel all the hard times
To lay down the hard lines
It's absolutely true
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Re: Post while you are depressed thread

Postby M.H on Fri Jun 02, 2017 5:37 am

Angus Jung wrote:
Angus Jung wrote:It's best to do away with the entire dumb concept of "deserve" asap.

To clarify:

Every living person deserves food, shelter, health care, and a decent living.

People don't get good or bad things in their lives because these things are 'deserved' by some arbitrary criteria that exists in their brains.


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Re: Post while you are depressed thread

Postby Frank Decent on Fri Jun 02, 2017 1:54 pm

Thanks for the advice and encouragement, folks. Yeah, the only reason I wanted off it because of the side effects. But I'm working on solutions to those. You're all correct of course.
TomWanderer wrote:I saw a band a few weeks ago that was very interesting, I was really into the music. I went to their merch table and they had a cassette, a t-shirt, and a book of poetry. I bought nothing.
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Re: Post while you are depressed thread

Postby Beetown on Tue Aug 08, 2017 1:24 am

1. An American girl who started talking to me on tinder that shared many of my same interests and was going to be in my city for 10 days had to bail a few days before she was set to leave. Even though I was nervous about the whole situation it really disappointed me

2. I have a strong crush on one of my best friends. One of her friends seems to have picked up on it and now I feel like I should tell her when I hang out with her next. I don't expect her to return the feelings and hope it doesn't damage the friendship

3. I haven't gotten laid or properly been with a girl since my last breakup a year ago. I missed an almost clear opportunity to kiss a girl I find really attractive last weekend out of nerves and self-doubt. This same girl brought me and the aforementioned friend I have a crush on back to her place a couple of months ago and seemed to want a threesome. My friend stopped her advances and was really drunk (and most likely didn't want anything to happen) so it's good that nothing happened. But it seems to indicate that she had that interest in me and I may have blown any chances by not seeming interested in her.

4. My work department (at a supermarket) shut down a few months ago, telling me they'll relocate me to stocking shelves at night. I haven't been given work in months and have contacted them lately half-heartedly.

5. I still haven't gotten my driver's license at 21. I have about 20 hours left to do (due to the 100 hour practice system in Australia) and it's frustrating me how little time my family has to help me with this.

6. I've finished my psychology degree but have no idea where to go from here.

7. All of this is making me incredibly frustrated and depressed. I've been sleeping horribly and have little to no energy during the day.

8. I've basically planned to engage in self-destructive behaviour to cope with these things. I'm planning on going out on the weekend and not turning down drugs and dangerous amounts of alcohol, which is dumb

9. I have trouble letting friends know the whole picture because some of it embarrasses me

10. I feel like a chump posting this stuff here but a lot of people here are really wise and I read this forum a whole lot


I don't know where to even start with this shit.
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Re: Post while you are depressed thread

Postby Beetown on Wed Aug 09, 2017 10:08 am

Thanks Janeway. Great post. I gotta get out of that self-pity - self-destruction cycle for sure and it actually gave me a lot of perspective. I'll try to just have fun this weekend and not obsess too much or at least not make any rash decisions. Being 21 is fucking weird.
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Re: Post while you are depressed thread

Postby Frank Decent on Thu Aug 10, 2017 3:17 pm

Yesterday was bad. I could feel the signs but I ignored it as I had shit to do. At the end of the day I was a mess. Totally spiralling into dark bad shit. Luckily I had Lisa to help me go through my mindfulness tools and ride out the wave instead pushing against it, which only makes it worse. Woke up feeling good and ready for the day. Love to you all.
TomWanderer wrote:I saw a band a few weeks ago that was very interesting, I was really into the music. I went to their merch table and they had a cassette, a t-shirt, and a book of poetry. I bought nothing.
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Re: Post while you are depressed thread

Postby Frank Decent on Thu Aug 10, 2017 3:17 pm

Yesterday was bad. I could feel the signs but I ignored it as I had shit to do. At the end of the day I was a mess. Totally spiralling into dark bad shit. Luckily I had Lisa to help me go through my mindfulness tools and ride out the wave instead pushing against it, which only makes it worse. Woke up feeling good and ready for the day. Love to you all.
TomWanderer wrote:I saw a band a few weeks ago that was very interesting, I was really into the music. I went to their merch table and they had a cassette, a t-shirt, and a book of poetry. I bought nothing.
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Re: Post while you are depressed thread

Postby jimmy spako on Thu Sep 21, 2017 5:55 am

Composer that I was somewhat friendly with, couple years younger than me, ended his life a couple weeks ago. We weren't close friends or anything, he was in a relationship with a friend of mine for quite some time, that's how I knew him. He made a point of coming to a couple shows and was really generous with his support, somebody who got it and was kind and warm. Like the taxi driver who would remember his friendly, interested fare I remember him for that, strange as that may sound. Most people aren't like that. I liked his music quite a bit. It feels like one of the shadow squad didn't make it out this time, I don't know, that's just how I feel, one of us didn't make it, succumbed, went under, and I am sad and probably scared. I'm not particularly anxious there days, not acutely, for which I am very grateful, but over the past half year it has hit home that this digging myself out of a hole every day and brooding on death whether I like it or not is not going to go away, probably ever. I know how to do that digging though and I am not alone fortunately. I feel like the savage beast music and such things were expressly made to tame too, you know what I mean? Lots of anger, rage even, for no really good reason.

Why do we say "to dig yourself out of a hole"? Maybe that is the problem.

If you're feeling at your limit, reach out best you can, including here.
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Re: Post while you are depressed thread

Postby kokorodoko on Thu Sep 21, 2017 7:11 am

jimmy spako wrote:Why do we say "to dig yourself out of a hole"? Maybe that is the problem.

To dig oneself out of a hole implies that you have fallen off the "right path", that there is a state of normalcy, of sanity; of happy, peaceful everyday life; or even a state of fulfillment that is supposed to be, that you percieve as being, part of regular everyday existence but you yourself are struggling to attain. "I need to get out of this dark place and get back to normal".

But what if "normal" does not in fact offer any solace, only more anxiety, more stress, more falsity? What if the "fulfillment" on offer doesn't even appear a goal worth striving for?

Life, as it stands, does not in any of its incarnations seem to be about "life" at all, but merely about endurance.

What if these things are actually impossible to attain under present conditions? If that is true, then that is in fact a hopeful thought.
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Re: Post while you are depressed thread

Postby SecondEdition on Thu Sep 21, 2017 11:59 pm

briefly: it is indescribably exhausting to fight my demons every day and wake up with nothing gained. nothing worse but nothing better. an even level of hell.
Life...life...I know it's got its ups and downs.

In the someday, what's that sound.


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Re: Post while you are depressed thread

Postby jimmy spako on Fri Sep 22, 2017 12:19 pm

^

"Thinking you understand clinical depression because you experienced situational sadness is like thinking you know Italy because you went to the Olive Garden."


- Paul Gilmartin
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Re: Post while you are depressed thread

Postby bishopdante on Fri Sep 22, 2017 3:53 pm

The stress response has been called "fight or flight".

It should really be called "fight, flight or freeze".

Terms to google: Learned helplessness.

One of the causes of depression to my mind is the result of a state of extended powerlessness - the inability for one's actions to avert suffering, and is related to a chronic state of cause and effect and pleasure / pain being scrambled.

The medical experiment that uncovered the process of learned helplessness involved torturing dogs with electric shocks subject to the behaviour of other dogs. Once the dogs had learned that nothing they did would change their situation, they resigned themselves to suffering, and even when control was returned to them, they simply accepted the pain without trying to take action. It was very difficult to retrain the dogs to avoid pain once they had been conditioned. The animals had to be "put through the motions" to learn that the rules had changed, and that they were once again in charge rather than victims of the actions of others.

Behavioural researchers have no doubt cooked up some sinister and sociopathic experiments. If you caught a little kid giving the family dog electric shocks to "investigate what motivates animals", many people today would send them to a psychiatrist.

Being exposed to an unjust, complex, materialistic and unpredictable society, depression is no doubt an epidemic.

Some studies looking at the "smartphone generation" have shown that on excess of 25% of teenagers are now exhibiting signs of clinical depression.

http://www.independent.co.uk/life-style ... 94676.html

_________

"There is nothing you can do about it" is the song of depression.

We need something revolutionary for today's young people to get behind. Every generation has to do this, to claim their stake, and to turn over toxic authority.

Depressed youth getting angry, and going after the likes of trump/bush? Bring it on.

_________

In Chinese medicine depression is called "anger turned inwards". Frustration is a good name for it.

It's important to get angry. To set goals, and get aggressive about the sources of unhappiness. Not an out of control aggression, but a motivated and martial-arts type.

There is a lot to be angry about in history, and the post-9/11 era has been sinister.

So far, nobody has yet figured out how to put a dent in the growing hegemony of predatory, narcissistic, insatiable sociopaths in private jets, with a competitive dog-eat-dog neoliberal ideology, a phenomenon that has been growing at a never-before-seen rate at the expense of many people's happiness.

It seems that we are globally slipping back towards colonialism rather than egalitarianism.

________

As a musician, it is depressing to know that billions and billions of plays of your work on spotify/YouTube/et al might pay you some money. Microscopic fractions of a cent per play... and that's what's 'saving the industry' after two decades of a broken copyright model.

As a person who committed 100% to being in the music business from an early age, seeing this unfold has been depressing. Too many venues and studios closing in London. The underground scene of squats being shut down, and the cost of living becoming so bizarre that bankers on million pound salaries find it hard to buy a family sized home.

Artists aren't just entertainers. The job of the griot / bard / troubadour is to report not just on the outer world, but on the inner spirit. It is difficult work.

Sometimes that's the blues.

Call me a lawyer, I have a case (or two) I'd like to bring against the enslavers and crooked occupiers of public office who do not serve the public interest.

The grenfell tower experience has shocked me to the core. Horrific.

For my own wellbeing and sanity, and for the wellbeing and sanity of those around me, I have been compelled to take whatever action I can. Because the neglect of government social welfare resulting in the burning alive of people in their beds in the center of London... that is crossing a line. We haven't had a lethal architectural accident like that in over 100 years.

It's a dark scenario. Very dark, very scary, very confusing. Have had bouts of horrific depression as a result.

So, there is a choice. Sit and meditate on the sadness of it all.

Or - even though you aren't feeling it - force your body to go through the motions and get on the horse.

Stress and fatigue result in immobility. Got to know where the limit is and when to rest. If you just push through depression on mechanical willpower, it can get a lot worse in the long run.

It''s a physical thing and a mental thing, they are one and the same, really.
Last edited by bishopdante on Mon Sep 25, 2017 4:22 am, edited 1 time in total.
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Re: Post while you are depressed thread

Postby catwoman on Fri Sep 22, 2017 11:20 pm

I just learned that there's a psychology branch called Existential Psychology. I stumbled upon it when I was reading about anxiety, and the article pointed to a youtube video about Existential Anxiety.

After doing a bit more reading about it, it's a bit more than "what's the point of it all?". I suspect that many of the times my anxiety goes into high gear, and I feel like, "why bother?", and my depression kicks in, this existential thing may be in play.

Hell, I was hoping it was just bad biochemistry....
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