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Post while you are depressed thread

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Re: Post while you are depressed thread

Postby catwoman on Sat Jan 21, 2017 11:36 pm

kokorodoko wrote:
I'll fully admit that it can be taxing to hear someone's "whinging", no matter how much I love them. At the same time I loathe the idea that we're supposed to "leave our problems at home" and pretend at some kind of normalcy, which we all know is fake anyway. But everyone who knows you, know that that's what you're like, they'll accept it or not. Perhaps it can be helped by deciding that today we'll do something different, talk about something else, then maybe I allow myself to "whinge" some other day.

The point about the last part: We actually do a whole lot of things all the time which are not in any way tied to how we feel. What it seems to me is that when you're in this bad place, you cannot fathom enjoying doing anything, since your mood will color everything. But when you are doing something, that is what is actually going on: You're just walking around, or shopping, or in a bar with other people or whatever.
Getting out of one's head is important, I think.

catwoman wrote:Every day I start with some idea that TODAY is the day I'll accomplish x, y, and/or z, and pretty much every day I barely get even a start on x, and somehow the day is gone. GAAAH. I'm so STUCK. I know what to do, what I need to do, but the inertia is just all-consuming.

At least then you have identified a problem: Inertia. And there is an urge, a will, to change things, even if it fails to materialize. It's a start.


This actually perked me up, thanks kokorodoko.
I went out tonight with BoyFriend, and met up with a bunch of old friends for dinner, it was exhausting, but fun. I'm planning a meet up with some old gal pals next week, and my old BFF college roommate middle of Feb.for long lunch. So, I'm gonna try.
Last edited by catwoman on Tue Jan 24, 2017 9:41 pm, edited 1 time in total.
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Re: Post while you are depressed thread

Postby BrownDirtCowboy on Tue Jan 24, 2017 6:45 pm

As a longtime sufferer of depression, I'm skeptical of therapy and enthusiastic about drugs. I've been on Lexapro for a number of years. But I would like to talk to a therapist to get a handle on certain issues related or not to depression per se, if that makes sense. So, can anyone recommend a type of therapy or actual therapist (in Chicago) who is not mumbo-jumbo, not spiritual, but anchored in the real, fact-based world who can help resolve haunting experiences contributing to unhappiness? I'm not talking about any type of abuse or that level or haunting, just a lifetime of perhaps depression- and anxiety-based, counterproductive behavior - I think. I'm not even sure if that's what it is or if I just think that's what it is. Does that make sense? TL;dr: therapist rec anyone?
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Re: Post while you are depressed thread

Postby Pasta on Tue Jan 24, 2017 9:14 pm

BrownDirtCowboy wrote:As a longtime sufferer of depression, I'm skeptical of therapy and enthusiastic about drugs. I've been on Lexapro for a number of years. But I would like to talk to a therapist to get a handle on certain issues related or not to depression per se, if that makes sense. So, can anyone recommend a type of therapy or actual therapist (in Chicago) who is not mumbo-jumbo, not spiritual, but anchored in the real, fact-based world who can help resolve haunting experiences contributing to unhappiness? I'm not talking about any type of abuse or that level or haunting, just a lifetime of perhaps depression- and anxiety-based, counterproductive behavior - I think. I'm not even sure if that's what it is or if I just think that's what it is. Does that make sense? TL;dr: therapist rec anyone?


If you've done any exhaustive reading of this thread, you will know my stance. Drugs without talk are useless. It sounds to me like you could benefit from talking to a Cognitive Behaviorist. It's all about YOU finding logic based ways of dealing with some of the things your feeling. Check out the book "Feeling Good". Not nearly as hokey as the title suggests, All about self work. Good luck to you.
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Re: Post while you are depressed thread

Postby catwoman on Tue Jan 24, 2017 9:46 pm

BrownDirtCowboy wrote:As a longtime sufferer of depression, I'm skeptical of therapy and enthusiastic about drugs. I've been on Lexapro for a number of years. But I would like to talk to a therapist to get a handle on certain issues related or not to depression per se, if that makes sense. So, can anyone recommend a type of therapy or actual therapist (in Chicago) who is not mumbo-jumbo, not spiritual, but anchored in the real, fact-based world who can help resolve haunting experiences contributing to unhappiness? I'm not talking about any type of abuse or that level or haunting, just a lifetime of perhaps depression- and anxiety-based, counterproductive behavior - I think. I'm not even sure if that's what it is or if I just think that's what it is. Does that make sense? TL;dr: therapist rec anyone?


I've done decades of talk therapy, and decades of medication.
There's value in both, but I agree that probably Cognitive Behavioral Therapy might be a good fit for you. I don't have a referral for you, however, but if you yelp or Google, you may begin your quest that way.
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Re: Post while you are depressed thread

Postby Justinm1789 on Thu Jan 26, 2017 2:09 am

This thread is always poppin'.
Musicians are really depressed and anxious people, who'd have thought?
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Re: Post while you are depressed thread

Postby rayword45 on Thu Jan 26, 2017 8:16 am

I'm an anxiety-ridden, pill-popping lonely little pussy.

I fucking hate myself 75% of the time.

Meditation needs to help more.
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Re: Post while you are depressed thread

Postby goatlord on Sat Feb 25, 2017 9:44 am

I don't want to go on. I have gone on on absolutely worst conditions, but I'm tired of being this way and living this life. I'm just bored with living, directionless and hopeless.
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Re: Post while you are depressed thread

Postby Hexensabbat on Wed Mar 01, 2017 4:13 pm

I've had spells of depression here and there throughout my life, but the ones I've been going through lately are really painful. It is as if the hopelessness matures and evolves along with you, encapsulating all of the previous strategies and overcomings you've used to get out of the dark in the past and rendering them null.

Maybe a part of it is that making things (music) no longer seems as fulfilling. I only hope that this is a temporary lapse that leads to a different, more interesting approach to making things. As if my creativity has not caught up with whatever I am as a person anymore.
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Re: Post while you are depressed thread

Postby kokorodoko on Tue Apr 04, 2017 11:20 am

All those optimistic thoughts seem like complete tosh. Like something I just tell myself in order to be able to bear.

I have been in good places lately. I am thinking hey, this works. Things can actually be different.
Then I am in that other place again. I am thinking what a fool you are. We've been over this again and again. Why do you think you can wish those things away? Why don't you look for help? Why didn't you like, a year ago? Imagine where your life could be now. You know more than well how much your brain is trying to sabotage you with these negative, obsessive thoughts, why haven't you learned?

Well, in better times, it actually looks like those things go away. The problems are not as much of problems anymore. Because how can I feel happy, if I am "really" depressed? How can things be so hard at one time and so effortless at another? Who is the real me?

In the long term, there is the issue. I picture myself as a bitter middle-aged man, cursing my loss of the life I am right now unable to grasp. It is my ultimate horror.
So of course I don't want to think about "the future". Not in those moments that I actually feel alive.

The people in my life, will soon disappear from my life. And so it goes and so it repeats. I hardly even treat anyone I get to know as if they will remain in my life. I hardly even remember how to do that.

With every step that looks to lead forward, it is only that more apparent how far away I am from the sort of life I want. With every moment that I feel close to another soul, it is only that more apparent how distant I feel otherwise.

I am so god damn tired of this.
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Re: Post while you are depressed thread

Postby goatlord on Tue Apr 04, 2017 11:59 am

I struggle with the same things you struggle, kokorodoko, when you are in depression is hard to see that good things are good. It seems simple, really, but the brain doesn't want to accept that tautology. Good things somehow hide some kind of terrible reality...

Well, that's a delusion! The terrible things aren't there, really. I have given up on predicting how any aspect of my life is going to go on, it's always different than how I thought about it. Maybe the problem is that we ask some kind of catharsis out of everything that happens to us and, really, most things that happen just... happen, and are normal and they pass and you move on.
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Re: Post while you are depressed thread

Postby FuzzBob on Wed Apr 05, 2017 1:35 pm

Everyone in this town has a boyfriend, can't think of anyone here who I have a shot with, my band got passed over for a local festival, nobody wants to play on a bill with us in one town, and no club owner wants to hit me back in another. Just a rejection-y time for me, despite otherwise having a bunch of good stuff going on in my life.

Usually, I handle it by thinking, "OK, this is a tap on the shoulder that I'm not exactly at my potential, this is where I can improve," and get a plan going.

The point where this is bumming me out, though, is that I feel like I've hit a wall. I should work out more; I should read more and broaden my horizons; I should live more; I should write better music. Just having a hard time finding the juice and figuring out where to start.

Who knows, maybe a jog tonight will knock it right out of me.
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Re: Post while you are depressed thread

Postby kokorodoko on Sun Apr 09, 2017 9:59 am

goatlord wrote:I struggle with the same things you struggle, kokorodoko, when you are in depression is hard to see that good things are good. It seems simple, really, but the brain doesn't want to accept that tautology. Good things somehow hide some kind of terrible reality...

You're right, and especially in this:

Maybe the problem is that we ask some kind of catharsis out of everything that happens to us

This is very much how I am used to see things. Looking for that one situation that will turn everything around, or that one person who will just get me. In reality things have resolved themselves in bits and increments, in ways I didn't expect and in ways I can't even pinpoint how they happened or when.

The earlier episode passed shortly thereafter. It is enough to be with the beautiful things that are right now, for the moment.
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Re: Post while you are depressed thread

Postby ::: on Sat Apr 22, 2017 5:18 pm

I'm having trouble just lately with trusting that anything is ever going to get better from now on, for me or for the world at large. I've been so low-energy for months, too, though that is partly my own fault. These thoughts and feelings are exhausting in themselves, and repetitive. Ugh. :{
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Re: Post while you are depressed thread

Postby jimmy spako on Mon Apr 24, 2017 2:41 am

Oh PRF, I've got a really heavy heart over the last couple days and need to share it.
Family things.

A very young family member has been experiencing severe depression and very concrete suicidal ideation. In part due to bullying and social issues, in part due to other everyday mundane environmental stuff I don't want to go into, but that is heartbreaking to witness, thematic constellations you can trace through multiple generations. Seems to be out of the deepest woods for the time being. Trying to re-initiate regular contact with him from afar, we have a good connection (and honestly the stuff he's going through mirrors lots of stuff from my childhood and I hope I can help untangle some stuff if the time ever comes).

One of my sister-in-law's sons from a previous relationship, the one that doesn't live with her and my brother, accidently backed over his two and a half year old half-brother and killed him over the past days. Kid slipped out of the house apparently, quickly, too quick to notice. Absolutely, utterly heart-breaking. Find myself trying to repress the thought because it's just too awful and at the same time wanting to be there for my brother and hold that kid (he's maybe a year out of high school) in thought if that has any meaning. Pulling for him. Wrote my brother and will try to talk to him today.

Sorry, just needed to share it. Can't bring myself to tell my girlfriend that second thing just right now after talking about the first a lot this weekend. Want to leave her in peace with the baby for a while.
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Re: Post while you are depressed thread

Postby Dudley on Mon Apr 24, 2017 5:48 am

jimmy spako wrote:Sorry, just needed to share it. Can't bring myself to tell my girlfriend that second thing just right now after talking about the first a lot this weekend. Want to leave her in peace with the baby for a while.


Jesus, Jimmy, sorry. Really really horrible thing to go through.

I know fuck all about fuck all, but you sure about not talking to your girlfriend about it? My guess is she'd want to know, plus it's going to affect you and how you are with the baby and all. Don't suffer alone. Don't build up walls, particularly at the start of a family - it's such an emotional time on its own, and when something like that happens, my gut says you should be as close as possible, for everyone's sake. But it's not like I'm an expert or a counsellor or anything.

Strength to you and yours in these dark times.
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Re: Post while you are depressed thread

Postby jimmy spako on Mon Apr 24, 2017 6:26 am

Dudley wrote:
jimmy spako wrote:Sorry, just needed to share it. Can't bring myself to tell my girlfriend that second thing just right now after talking about the first a lot this weekend. Want to leave her in peace with the baby for a while.


Jesus, Jimmy, sorry. Really really horrible thing to go through.

I know fuck all about fuck all, but you sure about not talking to your girlfriend about it? My guess is she'd want to know, plus it's going to affect you and how you are with the baby and all. Don't suffer alone. Don't build up walls, particularly at the start of a family - it's such an emotional time on its own, and when something like that happens, my gut says you should be as close as possible, for everyone's sake. But it's not like I'm an expert or a counsellor or anything.

Strength to you and yours in these dark times.


Thanks, Dudley, and you're absolutely right, I just didn't want to say anything this morning. Found out last night from my sister. Wanted to wait a little to not hit her in the morning, will tell her later on. We don't know these folks personally. I haven't met my sister-in-law yet, she's a very recent addition to the family and I haven't seen any family in over five years (long story as to why not, but too boring to go into here), though we are in touch a lot these days. Really hurting for my brother and his partner and thinking about how that kid is suffering and has to carry this for the rest of his life. Only know the kid through his mom's FB posts and such. She's with him now. Will call my brother later, as I can best help him, so he can be there for her, so she can be there for her son. The other news of the last days, the first thing, is pretty deeply saddening and much closer here, because it feels like certain cycles go on, we never quite get off the wheel, but then who does. I am fortunate and alright here, but it makes me think of what's in store for me, the fact that you can't block out suffering for others, even if you have learned to live with it yourself. I think about that a lot already anyways.
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Re: Post while you are depressed thread

Postby Frank Decent on Mon May 29, 2017 3:01 pm

I feel awful and I'm not quite sure why. I feel like my body is constantly vibrating and I can't seem to regulate a comfortable temperature. I never feel warm. I have to wonder if it's due to me weening myself off Risperidone. My doc said it's a low dose, so there's not much danger but I can't explain these awful sensations. I did have two caffeinated drinks this morning, and I've limited my caffeine intake to almost zero, so maybe I'm just experiencing my body reacting to not having it and then having it, but this also has been going on and off for a few weeks. I don't weird. Weird.
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Re: Post while you are depressed thread

Postby catwoman on Mon May 29, 2017 8:11 pm

Frank Decent wrote:I feel awful and I'm not quite sure why. I feel like my body is constantly vibrating and I can't seem to regulate a comfortable temperature. I never feel warm. I have to wonder if it's due to me weening myself off Risperidone. My doc said it's a low dose, so there's not much danger but I can't explain these awful sensations. I did have two caffeinated drinks this morning, and I've limited my caffeine intake to almost zero, so maybe I'm just experiencing my body reacting to not having it and then having it, but this also has been going on and off for a few weeks. I don't weird. Weird.


You could Google tapering or weaning or withdrawal, if you haven't already, for this med. I found doctors to be really very painfully misinformed when it comes to tapering/withdrawal process. When I was trying to wean off Effexor, my doctor recommended a totally useless and idiotic method of taking a full dose one day, a half dose the next, a full dose again, then half dose again, etc. This sort of "Sawtooth" method was intolerable and clearly she didn't have a clue as to what the withdrawal from that Med is actually like. There are online support groups for pretty much any kind of psych meds and getting off of them. Not that it's the be-all-end-all, but feeling like s*** and knowing that at least you're not alone makes it a little better and sometimes you can get some good tips so you feel like you can help yourself in the process.
Unfortunately, I'm not convinced our Psych doctors really know how to get us off any Med that they have prescribed to us. Have some nice calming tea, avoid the caffeine, stay warm, maybe a nice hot bath and try to sleep a lot. If it gets really horrible, you may want to call your doctor, see if there is anything they can do for you to make this less difficult, but unfortunately I wouldn't expect much, unless you have a really good, really experienced and practical doctor. In the meantime, know that we're rooting for you, hopefully this won't be a long drawn-out process.
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Re: Post while you are depressed thread

Postby rayword45 on Mon May 29, 2017 8:18 pm

I don't deserve anything.
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Re: Post while you are depressed thread

Postby catwoman on Mon May 29, 2017 8:32 pm

rayword45 wrote:I don't deserve anything.


Actually, what you deserve is to not feel that you are undeserving.

Me too.
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